First of all, Kelly cannot keep a secret. It’s a fact. It’s not that she is mean and would tell everyone something specifically because you told her not to. She’s not mean. Not at all. She just can’t help herself. She gets so excited about, well, everything and, without meaning to, she tells anyone without her line of vision. Mostly it’s just little things, like last week I got an A on a test in school and by lunch the next day she had told the entire office. Which was sweet, but kind of annoying. Like she’s my mom. Like she needs one of those “My Kid Is an Honor Student” bumper stickers on her car. Except “My Boyfriend” instead of kid. Oh, man.

Anyway, she loves this show “How to Dress.” Is that what it’s called? Maybe it’s “How Not to Dress.” Whatever, the one where they take someone who dresses horribly and take all of their clothes and then take them shopping in New York and give them a make over? You know which one I mean? It’s hosted by that bitchy girl and that gay guy? Carson and Nikki, I think. We watch it a lot. I mean, Kelly watches it, while I do homework or surf the internet. Occasionally, I watch it. I like the beginning when they show people a tape of themselves and they look so bad and they’re always shocked. Come on, are they unconscious when they get dressed in the morning?

Sometimes on Saturdays they show like three or four episodes in a row and Kelly has to watch all of them. She loves it. So, like a month ago, I was over at Kelly’s and this show was on and Kelly was going on and on about how she wished someone would turn her in for a make over because she wanted to get $5000 to go shopping in New York. I told her no one was going to because she looks great now. Man, I always have to tell her how great she looks. Always. I mean, I don’t mind. I guess. I just don’t get why she needs me to tell her all the time.

So, she gets on the computer to go to the show’s web site, because she’s going to try to submit herself. But, apparently, you can’t do that. That’s not how it works. So by that point, she’s really excited and she decides that she has to turn someone in and she’s going through everyone she knows, her sisters, her mother, her aunts. Then I suggested that maybe someone at work needs a make over, like Dwight. I was kidding. Though it would be very entertaining to watch Dwight shop in New York City with $5000. Wow, and to watch Carson and Nicki tell him how horribly he dresses. Anyway, Kelly said it had to be a girl, for some reason, so we thought of Angela, Meredith, Karen, and Phyllis and then Kelly got really excited. She decided to submit Pam. That was a month ago, and, amazingly, Kelly has not told anyone. Last week, the show called and they actually selected Pam to be on, so Kelly had an even harder time not telling anyone.

The thing is, it’s pretty freaking ironic because I’m the one who can’t keep the secret. I just had to tell someone. Why I chose the freaking camera I have no idea. It’s just that the show has been filming Pam all week, without her knowing, and today they are coming in to surprise her and show the footage. Wait, what time is it? Man, they’re going to be here in like an hour. I know she’s going to freak out. She’s probably going to be so mad at Kelly and then Kelly will be all upset and crying and . . . this is not good. Man, and Michael is going to be, well, how he is with more cameras here. This is going to be a really bad day. I just know it. On the bright side, maybe she really could use a make over. I mean, the people are always really happy at the end, aren’t they?