Jim had never fully appreciated the bliss of a boring, routine day at work until now. He felt sick; what had he done? He told himself he should never have sent that email without triple checking the address line and that he should never have even opened Dwight's email that started this whole thing. Carefully, Jim now typed out and addressed another response to the game to get his officemates off his back for a few minutes while he absorbed the situation.

To: The Men of the Office
From: JHalpert
Subject: Answer
M: Karen, V: Pam. I need to run get an aspirin. I'm pretty sure we have some in the kitchen....be right back.

He got up and walked off quickly as Dwight rolled his eyes. Nothing could be heard from Michael's office as he went by, which was as expected. A few minutes later, sitting back down, Jim took the aspirin with a swallow of water only to see Dwight staring at him with a smirk. "That time of the month, Jim?"

"Freakshow."

"Loafer."

"Propellerhead."

Jim looked at the window to Michael's office, wondering if he could see Pam but Michael had closed the blinds. Her reaction was a little confusing; why should she care so much about his answer? She seemed angry but she must know him well enough that he wouldn't really want to ever harm her. It was a game anyway; he'd try to explain that if he got the chance. As for marrying Karen, she can't expect him to remain single forever if she's not interested. His memory flashed back to the documentary crew's hypothetical question at the wedding, but that led to him remembering Michael's embarrassing antics and he was glad to be interrupted by an arrival in his inbox.

To: The Men of the Office
From: DSchrute
Subject: Rules
I have allowed some variances from the rules already. A main one being that in Schrute family tradition the game is supposed to be played while seated around a nineteenth century Prussian cavalry sword heirloom embedded point down in the floor or ground as the case may be. Since we are playing this game at work, that isn't feasible. Not that I haven't tried to fit the sword into my trunk several times.

However, one rule I won't waver on is explanations, and Jim, you left yours out. Please continue so we can move on with our second set.

To: The Men of the Office
From: JHalpert
Subject: Reasons
I'm not into tilting at windmills. It's fine to really want something, even need something, but after a while you have to realize it isn't going to happen and you can't keep frustrating yourself. And part of not frustrating yourself is to not pretend like it's even a possibility even if deep down you wish it were.

To: The Men of the Office
From: DSchrute
Subject: Jim's babble
I didn't know we got Oprah in Scranton. If you and your girlfriend are having trouble in bed, fine, but don't make up pet names for the acts, tilting at whatnot.

To: The Men of the Office
From: KMalone
Subject: Jim's losing it
Windmills? What?

To: The Men of the Office
From: JHalpert
Subject: Guys...
Don Quixote.

To: The Men of the Office
From: RHoward
Subject: Did I see that?
Is that a movie reference?

To: The Men of the Office
From: Creed
Subject: Well known
Godfather Two. Andy Garcia won an Oscar for playing Don Quixote, I have it on Blu-Ray.

To: The Men of the Office
From: DSchrute
Subject: Answer
Let's wrap up this round. I'd hypothetically, in this game, marry Angela Martin. She's a level headed, good woman and would make someone a fine wife. Theoretically, someday, for someone. The only thing she lacks is good child bearing hips but by the time she spits out a fifth Schrute that problem may have fixed itself. I'd court Pam, chastely; she seems like an old fashioned girl. She's a bit emotional for my taste but Mose gets a bulk rate on silk handkerchiefs. (We use them to individually wrap beets.) I'd vanquish Karen. She is a likeable and lovely woman but there must be something wrong with her to stick with Jim for so long.

To: The Men of the Office
From: JHalpert
Subject: Hey
There's nothing wrong with her, Dwight.

To: The Men of the Office
From: DSchrute
Subject: Perhaps
Seemingly not, and yet she's inches away from becoming another Halpert.

To: The Men of the Office
From: JHalpert
Subject: Huh?
What? Where do you get that from?

To: The Men of the Office
From: ABernard
Subject: I must agree
My nerdtacular colleague is correct, Captain Tuna. She's giving all the signs of reeling you in.

To: The Men of the Office
From: JHalpert
Subject: You're wrong
No she isn't-- what gave you that idea?

To: The Men of the Office
From: RHoward
Subject: Thank God for Wali
You could luck out like I did. Maybe her parents have their hearts set on a doctor.

To: The Men of the Office
From: KMalone
Subject: I hate to say it Jimbo
Open your eyes, buddy, you're not going to be single much longer. You had a great ride while it lasted; you cut a swath of pining like I've never seen, hee.

To: The Men of the Office
From: TFlenderson
Subject: It's been known to happen
I actually have to agree with Andy and Kevin here, Jim. Women get expectations. If Karen is like those I've known, by now in her mind she's starting to wonder if she's going to be with you the rest of your life, or at least long enough that she can later take half your stuff and never speak to you again.

To: The Men of the Office
From: JHalpert
Subject: Nah
You guys are nuts. We're not that close. We're just having a good time.

To: The Men of the Office
From: Creed
Subject: Memories
Now her mother, there was a good time.

To: The Men of the Office
From: DSchrute
Subject: The first round is over
Next round in ten minutes.

*****************


A message arrived from Karen. Jim leaned to get an angle where he could see her across the room but she was engrossed in her work and not looking his way. He read the email.

To: JHalpert
From: KFillipelli
Subject: How's my paperboy doing?
Hey! : ) We haven't had a chance to talk much today. We're still on for dinner tonight right? I want to try that new Greek place just outside town.

To KFillipelli
From: JHalpert
Subject: Re: How's my paperboy doing?
I'm having a not so great day. I closed a couple of deals earlier but kind of feeling out of it now, but yes, I'll see you tonight. Sounds good.

He felt a little guilty because while it wasn't fair to Karen, she was the last person he wanted to be talking to right now. Maybe dinner that night would be a good idea and take his mind off the events of this afternoon, he tried to look forward to it. Jim spent the remainder of the short time between rounds of the game emailing a couple of clients and taking one business phone call. He periodically would look over at the door to Michael's office. Pam hadn't been in there very long but Jim felt every minute.

To: The Men of the Office
From: DShrute
Subject: Second Round
Attention men! Here we go again. Jan, Phyllis, Kelly

To: The Men of the Office
From: RHoward
Subject: Oh my god
I'd marry Kelly. Like now, and have lots of babies. I don't know what vanquish means but whatever, who cares, who you marry is what's important. I'd court, umm Brad Pitt or Orlando Bloom. The Lord of the Rings Bloom not the icky Bloom from Troy.

To The Men of the Office
From: RHoward
Subject: Won't happen again
Sorry guys, I left my computer for a moment and someone got into my email. I don't think she saw much; it was only a few seconds.

To The Men of the Office
From: ABernard
Subject: El Round Dos
I'd marry Jan-hey, who doesn't want a promotion? And as a Cornell graduate I'm expected to be manly enough to sleep with a female boss. I'd court Kelly -- she can teach me Bollywood songs and we can sing them a capella together. I'd vanquish shifty Phyllis who probably helped whoever took my cell phone.

To: The Men of the Office
From: Creed
Subject: Complication
I'm banned for life from New Dehli.

To: The Men of the Office
From: KMalone
Subject: Where is that again?
How did that happen?

To: The Men of the Office
From: Creed
Subject: A long time ago
In 1971, I went to get an authentic Nehru jacket and one thing led to another.

To: The Men of the Office
From: ABernard
Subject: If I may interrupto
Why are you bringing this up, mon frere?

To: The Men of the Office
From Creed
Subject: A time long ago
I'm explaining why I shouldn't pick Jan.

To: The Men of the Office
From: JHalpert
Subject: Again!
Kelly is the Indian girl-- that's who you mean. Remember? We went over this a little while ago.

To: The Men of the Office
From: Creed
Subject: What?
Oh, someone who called herself Jan stopped by my desk a few days ago and I said "Good to see you again" in Hindi. She nodded and then said "I'm looking for Michael" in English.

To: The Men of the Office
From: KMalone
Subject: C'mon, man
Make your choice, Creed. While you have a handle on who is who.

To: The Men of the Office
From: JHalpert
Subject: Reminder
Remember, Jan is the woman from corporate. Phyllis is the one who had the wedding recently. Kelly is the young woman of Indian heritage.

To: The Men of the Office
From: Creed
Subject: It isn't a good idea
Oh I wouldn't marry any of them.

To: The Men of the Office
From: ABernard
Subject: Reason?
Why not, amigo?

To: The Men of the Office
From: Creed
Subject: Snipped
Marriage usually implies children and I got a vasectomy when I was serving for a year in the Peace Corps.

To: The Men of the Office
From: ABernard
Subject: Little Creed
While overseas?

To: The Men of the Office
From: Creed
Subject: Old girlfriend
Actually no, it was at the home of this tattoo artist I was dating at the time in Philadelphia. I also got a tattoo from her. She was a registered nurse; the tattoos were just a hobby.

To: The Men of the Office
From: RHoward
Subject: Confused
What does this have to do with the Peace Corps?

To: The Men of the Office
From: Creed
Subject: Nothing
The fact that I was in the Peace Corps was just a coincidence.

To: The Men of the Office
From: KMalone
Subject: Design?
What was it a tattoo of?

To: The Men of the Office
From: Creed
Subject: Mythological Bird
A Roc, on my left shoulder blade.

To: The Men of the Office
From: DSchrute
Subject: Knock it off
What are you guys doing?

To: The Men of the Office
From: JHalpert
Subject: Creed...
You don't have to have children with anyone. You made a pick last round. Go ahead, we're waiting on you.

To: The Men of the Office
From: Creed
Subject: Round 2 Answer
I would marry Jan. I overheard Michael talking to her about something that happened at the CFO's bathroom and I'd like to get in on that deal. I'd have an affair with Phyllis, she always smells good, and I'd kill off the Indian girl. Kelly? We should have outsourced our customer service as part of the merger restructuring.

To: The Men of the Office
From: TFlenderson
Subject: Answer, for round two
Ah I don't know, I have to admit I kind of like how Kelly hangs all over you, Ryan, I wouldn't mind that. The last woman who touched me was my proctologist. I guess I'd marry Kelly, sleep with Jan and kill Michael. Actually, the last two there are a recurring fantasy of mine, usually performed at the same time. Thanks again guys for letting me write him in, it's cathartic.

To: The Men of the Office
From: JHalpert
Subject: My Round Two Answer
I've always gotten along great with Jan and she's undeniably got a good body hidden under there, so I'd marry her. I'd sleep with Kelly; you should have given me back my desk back last fall, Ryan. I'd kill Phyllis, if only because her wedding gave me a really crappy day.

To: The Men of the Office
From: RHoward
Subject: Answer for Round Two
I'd marry Jan, she seems smart and kind of sexy, if a little neurotic, lost, self-loathing and icy. Whoa, got carried away there. I'd continue to date Kelly. I'd vanquish Phyllis. She seems to be the one person at Dunder Mifflin to have found happiness and we can't let that happen.

To: The Men of the Office
From: KMalone
Subject: My second round answer
I'd marry Jan, she's like one of the only people who scare Angela. It would be great when we're sitting there and Angela gets on my case and I hold out the cell phone and say "Hey, tell it to Jan." Oh how I've dreamed of that. I'd court Phyllis, I really need a bigger refrigerator. I guess I'd have to kill, or vanquish if you want to call it that, Kelly. Thanks to her I know more about Angelina Jolie than I do Stacey.

To: The Men of the Office
From: DSchrute
Subject: Answer, Round Two
I'd marry Jan, of course. In fact if anything were to happen to Michael, as his squire I'd be expected to take care of Jan anyway. I'd court Kelly; something about the caste system intrigues me. I think I could be very at home in that world and I wish to learn more about it. Phyllis I'd vanquish by default, although she does have the hardiness of a good farm worker so I do this with regret.

End of the second round. I'll notify you guys shortly when we begin the last round.

*****************************

A little while later, Michael stepped carefully out of his office and gently closed the door behind him. He had a fake arrow through his head but his expression was serious and concerned as he walked over to stand near Jim.

"Hey bros. How're things hanging with you guys? Doing the sales biz. Moving paper?" He didn't get a response and frowned. "Having a good day?"

Jim responded without looking up. "I'm actually not doing too well. I don't feel very good. Today sucks."

Michael pulled over a chair from unoccupied desk and plopped down between Dwight and Jim. "I'll tell you what sucks. Trying to do a classic comedy routine and your audience bursts into tears, that's what sucks."

"Ugh, what loser did that?" Dwight sneered.

"Pam?" asked Jim, hesitantly.

Michael nodded. "Okay, she didn't start sobbing, thank goodness. I'm not that bad. But a couple of tears leaking down her cheek wasn't helping my confidence." Michael scrunched his face as if replaying it in his mind and shivered. "Blah."

"She's still in there?" Jim looked around at the door quickly.

"Yes, I can't bear to see a woman cry. So I gave her the good chair and got out of there." Michael shrugged. "What else could I do?"

"Nothing," reassured Dwight.

A few minutes later, Pam opened the door to Michael's office and walked briskly out.

"Pam, wait." Jim started to get up.

"Not now," she replied quietly as she went back to her receptionist station, wiping an eye as she passed by. She didn't even look at him. Jim slumped back into his chair and felt his boss put a hand on his shoulder.

"I know, it's all shocking," said Michael with a touch of exasperation, as Jim turned to face him. "I doubt Steve Martin had to deal with something like that."