Two days later Jim was on his way to pick up Karen for their six month anniversary. He wasn’t very excited, considering this was supposed to be a “monumental” milestone in his relationship with Karen. Or so she said. Lately Jim had been feeling distant toward Karen, but was too chicken to do anything or say anything about it. It’s like a scab, he thought, it’s just not ready to be picked at.

“So, she’s a scab now, huh?” Clarence was back

“Oh dear Go...”

“…od? What am I going to do with this kid? He is so clearly not into Karen that he’s…” Clarence was interrupted.

“Excuse me? Not that into her? I am very much ‘into’ her; in fact I may even lo…”

“Love her? Try again. You can’t be in love with her because your heart is broken, Jim. A broken heart cannot fall for anyone but the original person from which the heart was originally broken… about? Is about the right choice there?”

“Clarence, you are making no sense. Just because I had my heart broken doesn’t mean I can’t be in love with Karen.”

“Well are you? Are you in love with Karen? Two minutes ago you called her a scab and now you are trying to tell me you are madly in love with her.”

Jim sighed, “Well, no, but, I could be.”

“But you’re not. Here’s the thing Jim. No matter how hard you try, you can never love Karen. It’s just not in the cards.”

“How do you know?” Jim was starting to realize that his crazy guardian angel was right, it had been six months. If Jim was going to fall in love with Karen, it would have happened already.

“I have connections,” Clarence said with a smile.

“So, what do you think I should do about it?”

“You break up with her. Tonight.”

“See, there you are with the jokes again. Seriously, though, what should I do?” Jim was laughing at the idea of breaking up with a woman on their anniversary.

“Trust me, Jim. You need to break this up tonight before you regret any more of it.”

“How do I know she won’t try to strangle me?”

“Because I have a feeling that after you and her talk, things will be OK. Listen, Jim. Karen hasn’t told you yet, but she put in for a transfer. She was waiting to tell you until tonight.”

“So isn’t that a good thing? She’ll be gone, right? And it’ll be OK. I mean if she’s leaving, won’t she be breaking up with me?” There was a little too much excitement in his voice.

“Not so fast. Karen actually put in for two transfers.” Jim was definitely confused. “She put in a recommended transfer for you. Your boss lady, Jan, took it as if you sent it. She’s going to call and ‘congratulate’ you tomorrow. You see why you need to break up with Karen as soon as possible?”

Jim and Clarence had actually been sitting in Karen’s driveway for the past 5 minutes. The news came as a shock (naturally), so he didn’t notice Karen walking toward the car. Jim panicked.

“What do I do, Clarence? What do I do?” Jim was almost yelling.

“OK, Jim, you just have to be strong, and whatever you do, do not tell her I told you, she’ll think you are crazy.”

“I’m crazy, Clarence? You really do love those jokes.” Like clockwork Karen tapped on the door at just the right moment to see him talking to, presumably, himself.

“Jim, sweetie, who are you talking to?” Jim looked over to Clarence who was putting his pointer finger up to his mouth while hissing ‘shhhh’.

“Oh, um, no. I wasn’t talking to anyone.” Smooth.

“Huh, weird. So do you want to go inside? I made your favorite; roast beef.”

Jim made a face. Wow, that is so not my favorite. He had to force out a “Yummm.” Get a grip Halpert.

As Karen and Jim walked up the path to Karen’s door she said, “I am so excited for tonight. I have a surprise for you; I just know you’ll love it.”

Yeah, I’m sure I will. He put on his best smile, “Can’t wait.”