“Attention!  Attention, everyone!  I want you all to be the first person to know,” Michael says, breaking into the monotonous lull of a late September afternoon.

“People,” Jan corrects, following him out of his office.

Michael looks at her in confusion.  “What?”

“You want them to be the first people to know, not the first person,” Jan says.

“Right,” Michael replies, his brow furrowing deeper, “because you were the first person to know.”

Jan sighs, but a small smile plays on her lips, and she lets Michael take her hand.

“Well, my peeps, I want you all to be the first people to know that Jan Levinson has agreed to become Jan Levinson-Scott,” Michael announces, a grin breaking across his face.  “And we are going to have a wonderful life here in Scranton complete with giggling and ketchup fights.”

Jan tugs on Michael’s hand.  “No,” she says, firmly.  “No ketchup fights.”

Michael turns a fake pout toward her, and mock-whispers, “Pwetty pwease?”

“Oh…fine, maybe one or two ketchup fights,” Jan laughs, genuinely happy.

Michael begins to make a rambling speech then about the wedding plans and the roles he has designated for each person in the office.  He says something to Jim about making it a double ceremony, and Jim laughs affably, saying something about hoping to be as happy as Michael and Jan someday. 

He doesn’t glance at her, but Karen knows what he’s thinking.  Recently, Jim has become obsessed with the idea of buying his first house, home as he refers to it.  At first Karen thought it was cute, what with the whole idea of him wanting to settle down and start his “adult” life.  She even went with him to a few realtors’ offices and to a few open houses.  But when she realized that he wanted her to play a role in this fantasy future, she stopped going.  

At first, she couldn’t explain her hesitation.  Karen knows that she loves Jim.  He’s the kind of man her father would approve of as her husband.  Karen also knows that she doesn’t want to be stuck in Scranton forever, and she is beginning to get the sense that Jim wouldn’t mind staying there.  She can picture him taking over the Scranton branch of Dunder-Mifflin, and being completely content to go home every night to his wife and kids.  Maybe once or twice a year he’d go on vacation, but Scranton would always draw him back.

Karen tries to see herself in that role, but lately she has been replacing herself with another woman, someone who she thinks is far better suited to a life of domesticity in Scranton.  And even though she knows that the feeling is absurd, the replacement gives her vast amounts of relief. 

And as she sits listening to Michael wax lyrical about embossed invitations and shrimp cocktail appe-“teasers”, Karen realizes that she simply isn’t happy anymore.  She doesn’t want to be sitting in this office selling paper, and she certainly doesn’t want to be doing it in Scranton anymore.

Michael mentions their plans for a honeymoon at Sandals in Jamaica, and Karen swears that Jan blushes slightly.  As Michael reaches for Jan’s hand again, the thought strikes Karen that she and Jan are really quite similar in their differences.  Jan is trying so hard to resist the domestic bliss that Michael is offering, and is failing miserably.  With every stupid plan Michael announces, Jan seems to melt just a little.  Karen can tell by the way her eyes sparkle and her mouth quirks up in a tiny grin.

She, on the other hand, has been trying so hard to want the life Jim is offering to her, and thus the similarity to Jan—she is failing miserably. 

As the rest of the office gets up to congratulate the happy couple, Karen remains fixed at her desk debating what to do next.  Jim ambles over and grins down at her.  She feels her stomach do a sick flip.

“Hey, Jim,” she says suddenly, “let’s go to Italy.”

“What?  Sure, Fillipelli, let’s just put in those vacation days and jet off next week.”  He chuckles, and waits for the joke.

Karen swallows.  “Maybe…maybe that’s not such a bad idea.  You know, get away for a bit.  See some of the world.”

“Sure, maybe we can go sometime,” Jim replies, a frown overtaking his features.  “But, I just set up a meeting with a new realtor.  I really think this one will come through.  I can’t leave now.”

She stares at him for a few seconds, and then she knows exactly what she is going to do.  Forcing a laugh, she says, “Yeah, can’t let that housing market pass you by.”

Jim’s frown deepens.  “Karen, is something wrong?”

Looking him directly in the eye, she says, “Actually, no.  Things seem right for the first time in a long time.”

“What are you talking about?”  Jim asks, his confusion evident.

Karen smiles.  “Nothing.  Listen, I’m going to go congratulate Jan and Michael, okay?”

Jim nods.  “Hey, are we still on for dinner later?”

“Not tonight,” Karen says.  “My, um, mom’s stopping by on her way through town, and I really just want to spend some time alone with her.”

“You didn’t mention that she’d be in town,” Jim says.  “I would love to see her.”

“I didn’t tell you?” Karen asks, hoping she looks surprised.  “I’m sorry.  I really just want to have a girl’s night out with her.  Maybe next time she comes through.”

Jim nods, but Karen can tell he’s not satisfied with her excuse, which she knows is a lame one.  She has never been good at thinking on the spot, but she needs tonight free.  She needs to be able to set her future in motion.  Despite how good life is right now, she has to put the brakes on the whole thing because she is not going to let herself end up stuck selling paper in Scranton.

“I’m thrilled that you are interested in this position, Karen,” Jan says, as she scribbles on some paperwork.  “But, I have to admit, frankly I’m a little surprised.”

They are sitting in a small coffee shop later that night, filling out a transfer request.  The position entails much more responsibility, as well as the opportunity to travel.  Karen’s already in love with it.

“Why’s that?” Karen asks, praying that Jan won’t mention Jim.

“Well, I only mean that when the merger took place we offered you this same position and you turned it down,” Jan says as Karen breathes a sigh of relief.

Karen shrugs.  “I guess it just took me a while to see what I really wanted out of my life.”

Jan smiles.  “Can’t see yourself staying in Scranton, huh?”

Shaking her head, Karen picks up the pen and signs the last set of forms.

When she gets home, Karen fusses around her apartment, putting off the phone call that she knows she has to make.  As she wipes imaginary dust off her entertainment center for the third time in twenty minutes, she wonders when their relationship hit this point.  When exactly did she start keeping things from him?  When exactly did it get harder for her to be honest with him?  When did she stop fighting for things to be the way she wanted? 

She can’t remember.  It all seems so fuzzy now, a gentle, gradual erosion over time. 

Picking up the phone, she decides to do it quickly, like the proverbial peeling off of a band-aid.

He picks up on the second ring. 

“Hey, I was hoping you’d call.” His voice is warm, and it weakens her resolve.  “How was dinner with your mom?”

“Listen, Jim, I have something that I need to tell you,” she begins.

“Okay, but hey, I want to ask you before I forget.  My new realtor found a place she thinks will be perfect for me.  I’m going to see it next weekend.  Would you like to come?”

“No,” she says quickly.  “No, because of what I have to tell you.”

“Is everything okay?  You sound…different,” Jim says.

“Maybe you should come over,” Karen replies.  “I think this might be easier in person.”

A week later he will barely meet her eyes. 

He cried the night she told him.  She’s not sure if it was losing her or just losing someone again.

“You broke his heart.”

Karen turns away from the sink.  Pam is standing just inside the doorway of the bathroom, looking angrier than Karen has ever seen her.

“I know,” Karen says softly, ducking her head.

Pam crosses her arms, and Karen realizes that she is not leaving the bathroom until they have this discussion.

“He…he doesn’t deserve that,” Pam says, her voice quivering.

“I’m not exactly sure what you want me to say, Pam,” Karen says.  “Life here just wasn’t what I…wanted anymore.”

“How could you not want life with Jim?” Pam blurts.

Something in Pam’s voice warms Karen’s heart a bit, and she knows for certain that Jim will be just fine.

“Sometimes people just want different things,” Karen says.  “Jim and I?  We wanted different things.  And, yes, I know I broke his heart.  But you know what else I know?”  She pauses, looking Pam directly in the eyes.  “I know just the girl who can fix that broken heart.  And maybe fix hers, too.”

Pam’s eyes fill with tears, and she pulls Karen into an impromptu hug, catching her off-guard.  Karen returns the hug, and leaves Pam in the bathroom splashing water on her face.

Later that afternoon, at her going away party, Karen watches Pam approach Jim.

“Hey,” Pam says, smiling softly.

“Hey,” Jim replies, smiling softly back.

“I hear you’re going to look at a house tomorrow,” she says.

Jim nods.  “The realtor says I’ll love it.”  He pauses, and then asks, “Would you like to go with me?”

A grins spreads across Pam’s face.  “I’d love to,” she replies.

Karen watches the two of them for another minute, grinning shyly at each other, and it’s then that she feels her heart break.