Jim Down Under

From: Jhalpert

Sent: June 14, 2006 7:06 PM

To: Pbeesly

Subject: Sydney Day 5

Dear Pam,

You’re right…this does feel a bit like time travel. And last night I took a trip into the past when I ate dinner at Elvis Pizza. The whole place was covered with Elvis memorabilia and photos, there was Elvis music playing loudly, and the owner looked a little bit like…well, you know they do say he didn’t really die. Maybe he just moved to Sydney and opened up a pizza place.

Today Colin, Grace and I hopped on a bus and went out to Featherdale Wildlife Park. I’m not a big zoo person, not since I was a kid, anyway. But since Australia is famous for its unusual animals, I thought I should at least get a look at some of them, since I was unlikely to run into a kangaroo in downtown Sydney. George had no interest in going and possibly had plans for some wildlife of his own, but Grace wanted to see the koala bears and Colin was happy to oblige, especially since no heights were involved.

On the way we passed the Olympic Stadium where the opening and closing ceremonies of the Sydney Olympics were held in 2000. Bill Bryson has a whole chapter on the Sydney games, so I was interested to see the stadium. It would have been a perfect location for Flonkerton. Time to give that sport the respect it deserves!

The wildlife center was really cool, as it turns out. It’s not really a zoo...the only animals in cages are the birds that are likely to fly away. Most of the animals are in compounds, protected by low walls or just wandering around free. There were kangaroos, Emus, and wallabies walking around that you could feed. The food was some sort of dried green grassy flakes in ice cream cones. You were supposed to buy them, but I saw a couple on a wall and just took one. Nobody seemed to mind. You would have just loved this place, Pam…I really felt bad that you weren’t here, especially watching Gracie get all excited over all the really cute animals. They had these Echidnas, which are like small porcupines with really weird looking spines, and a hyperactive Tasmanian Devil, who kept running around his rock in a circle. I couldn’t even get his picture, he was moving so fast. There were also Cassowaries, which are huge Ostrich like birds with giant claws and a bony "protuberance" on their heads that make them look very prehistoric.

Over by a bench I noticed a small, very fluffy owl type bird with a long bill. He was just sitting there on a low wall, and I reached out to pet him. He just blinked at me, and sat there very patiently while I patted his head. I wanted to take him home with me. He reminded me of Errol…Ron Weasley’s owl, though he wasn’t actually an owl. He was called a Coneymouth. And do you remember the song, "Kookaburra sits on the old gum tree," from grade school? Well, Kookaburras were roosting all around, on low trees, also not in cages. They are incredibly fluffy birds, also, really pretty.

But the best thing? Miniature blue and white…penguins! I had no idea that Australia had penguins, but they do...they are called fairy penguins, I think, and they don’t require as cold temperatures as other penguins. And they are really small, less than a foot high, and running all over, diving into their pond, and making an incredible racket. Davie would have gone nuts. Then there was the koala area where you could pet koala bears and take pictures, etc. You can’t, by law, pick them up, but you can pet them, and so Colin took my picture with one, for you. They are quite cuddly, but smell like cough drops, because they eat nothing but eucalyptus leaves.

Colin and I went into the reptile house, but Grace wouldn’t go. They had some of the poisonous snakes that Australia is famous for, and some cool looking lizards. Outside, there was a bat cage with flying foxes hanging all around, and climbing up and down the walls in a very creepy manner. I was very disappointed, though, that there was not one Eastern Groin Groper. A very incomplete zoo, if you ask me.

Oh...there were also no Platypuses. Those can be found in the Aquarium, which is supposedly really good, with a walk-through shark tunnel and giant crocodiles. So maybe I’ll check that out.

So, anyway, as we were walking around, following the path, looking at the white peacocks and the world’s cutest dingo puppies, I heard a shriek. I turned around and there was Gracie being mugged by a kangaroo. He had his head in her purse and was rooting around in there with his human like hands. I don’t know what she had in there that he wanted, but he was not taking no for an answer. Colin distracted him with a cone full of food, while I basically wrestled him out of Gracie’s purse. Once the ‘roo was contentedly eating out of Colin’s hand, the three of us started to laugh like crazy. So now you can add "kangaroo wrestler" to my resume now.

Colin and Grace had had enough wildlife, so we took the bus back to town. I wanted to look at the opal center, and Grace and Colin wanted to head back to the hotel and look up George. So we parted company. It’s nice to have somebody to talk to, but I do like to do my own thing most of the time. It would be different if you were here. It’s tough watching Colin and Grace together...they’ve only been married a year. Next summer, kiddo…you and I are going on a trip together. You just name the place, and I’ll start saving as soon as I get back.

Tomorrow I’m scheduled to go out to a sheep station. The really real ones are too far away, so this one is probably a tourist trap, but what the heck. I am a tourist, right? Might as well see all the things that Australia is known for. And besides, Janice’s all time favorite book is The Thorn Birds, so if I didn’t see a sheep station she’d probably never forgive me.

I’m sending you photos of all the animals…wait ‘til you see the penguins! I love you.

Jim

From: Pbeesly

Sent: June 13, 2006 11:07 AM

To: Jhalpert

Subject: re: Sydney Day 5

Oh...great pictures! You had better have one of those penguins in your backpack! I could keep him behind the desk, here, and just throw him fish now and then. Especially now that it’s almost summer and Oscar has the thermostat set at 66, whenever he can get away with it. Maybe Oscar would take the hint, if I actually brought in a penguin! Or built an igloo.

Dwight tells me that Australia is known for really awful spiders. Snakes and sharks don’t bother me, in theory, but I can’t stand the thought of little deadly spiders hiding where you can’t see them, just waiting for somebody to accidentally brush against them. Oooh...now I’ve creeped myself out. Be careful. Please?

Has your sister written you back yet? I loved The Thorn Birds too, even the miniseries. It would be amazing to see a station like Drogheda, but I don’t know if they even exist anymore. But at least you will get a glimpse of what it must have been like.

Are you going to be able to get to an opal mine? I know you wanted to, but I imagine that they are pretty far away also. When do you leave for Cairns?

Not much happening here. Typical Tuesday. Oh, I almost forgot…there is some news…the documentary crew is coming back on July 25th. Oh joy. And don’t think that you’re exempt, Stamford boy. I heard a rumor that they will be sending you your very own cameraman. I have no idea if it’s true or not. I wonder if you have to sign a new waiver, or if they still have you under the old one? Food for thought, while you’re shearing sheep tomorrow. Speaking of which, I think I might rent The Thorn Birds tonight. They must have it out on DVD, don’t you think? I haven’t seen it in years.

Love,

Pam

From: JWilson

Sent: June 13, 2006 2:05 PM

To: Jhalpert

Subject: Hey

Hey Brotheroni,

So, you think you’re a big shot now for climbing a bridge. Big deal. Have a baby, and then I’ll give you a medal! I’m just kidding…it sounds like you are having a really great time. I gave your e-mail to Mom and Dad. Their reaction was so typical. Mom immediately started fretting about how dangerous it is, and I had to tell her, " Mom...it’s over…he already survived it. No point in panicking now!"

Dad just laughed and said, "So, what’s he going to do next...bungee jump?" which started Mom on a whole new tirade. I promised her that you’re not going to bungee jump. You’re NOT going to bungee jump, are you?

Pam’s been sending me excerpts of your e-mails. She really is great. We all like her. Don’t mess it up, buddy. It’s about time you settled down and stopped gallivanting around the world, getting drunk with strange Brits and wrestling kangaroos.

Listen, there’s something I’ve got to tell you. Wait...don’t panic…it’s not that big a deal. It’s Dad. The past couple of weeks he’s been a little short of breath and having dizzy spells. Of course, being Dad he didn’t tell anybody…you know him…the great stone face. Anyway, Ted found him out on Sunday when they were here, and made arrangements for him to get some tests. Ted thinks it may be a touch of emphysema…you know he smoked all those years...it’s got to take a toll. Anyway, there is absolutely nothing for you to do...he probably won’t even be having the tests for a week or so, and won’t be getting the results until after you’re home. Mom didn’t want to tell you anything. But Pam and I talked about it and we both agreed that you would hate to be out of the loop. He just had a checkup last year…you know that Ted insists, and he was okay then, so it’s probably not that serious. I hope I didn’t make a mistake telling you, that it’s not going to ruin your trip, because that was absolutely not my intention. I just want you to know what’s going on, and believe me, if there was anything you could do to help, I would tell you. But there isn’t, so you just do and see everything, just the way you planned it. Dad would never forgive you if you did otherwise. He brought your bridge climb letter down to the VFW to share with his buddies down there, so you know he’s enjoying your trip vicariously as are we all. You keep e-mailing Pam, and she’ll do the rest.

Oh...I can’t believe you are going to visit an actual sheep station! Ooh...I think I’ll go rent The Thorn Birds tonight. I haven’t seen it in years.

We all love you,

Janice

From: Jporter

Sent: June 13, 2006 3:07 PM

To: Jhalpert

Subject: Documentary

Hey Jim,

I am really sorry to bother you on your vacation. It sounds like you’re having a great time.

But I got a phone call today from a woman named Berta, who is the Assistant Director of that documentary they’re doing of the Scranton branch. She wanted to know if it would be all right with me if she sent a cameraman to cover you, starting on July 25th. She promises that it wouldn’t be every day, only once or twice a week, at most. They just want to observe you as a manager. She assures me that it would only be one camera, with its own sound and wouldn’t be that obtrusive. I told her that it was entirely up to you.

I’ve dealt with the cameras before...last February during our meeting with Corporate in NYC and it wasn’t too bad. I understand that after a while you forget that they’re there. But it might be nice for you to get away from constant surveillance, for a change. But, like I said, it’s up to you. But I have to get back to her by the end of this week, so that’s why I’m bothering you. Please let me know ASAP. Thanks.

Everybody says hi.

Josh Porter

Regional Manager

Dunder Mifflin Stamford Branch