From: Pbeesly
Sent: June 19, 2006 10:30 AM
To: Jhalpert
Subject: re: Cairns Day 2
Dear Blue Man,
Oh my God...those pictures were hilarious. I can’t believe those outfits. You’re right…some people were just not made for skintight electric blue body suits. It sounds like a wonderful day, though...well except for the seasickness.
Does your Uncle still have a beach house at the Jersey Shore? I’ve always wanted to do that. As you know, Pennsylvania isn’t noted for its beaches. My family went to Atlantic City once when I was a kid, but I haven’t been to the beach all that much, mostly lakes. I was only about 6 or 7 when I was last in the ocean, so I don’t remember that salty, sandy “after the beach” feeling you describe.
It’s funny…my family went to Disneyworld, too, when I was 8. Maybe it’s some kind of a rule…that all families are required to go to a Disney theme park at least once. I’ll never forget it. My sister, Beth, who was 6, ate too much candy and threw up in It’s a Small World. To this day I always associate that horrible song with the smell of vomit. Now, there’s a sensual experience I don’t care to repeat.
You never met my sister, Beth, did you? She lives in South Williamsport, near my Father, and works at the Mall. She was going to be my maid of honor, but we really don’t have much in common. She’s a lot like my Dad, who…well, let’s not go there. Some day, when we’re together, I’ll tell you the whole saga about my family. At any rate, I get along a lot better with your sister Janice. I talk to her almost every day, and we laugh a lot about your e-mails and stuff. By the way…she is really sick of being pregnant. She declares, never again.
Here in Scranton, Michael is still dating Carol, the realtor. Isn’t that amazing? I know, because I have to organize his schedule, and make his restaurant reservations, and buy his movie tickets on Fandango. I should just go on the dates myself and cut out the middleman. I’ve never dated a realtor.
Anyway, here comes a bunch of faxes. Got to get back to work.
Love and kisses,
Pam
From: Jhalpert
Sent: June 20, 2006 8:05 PM
To: Pbeesly
Subject: Cairns Day 3
Dear Pam,
You know, I’ve just realized that you really don’t talk much about your family, except your Mom. I know that you have a younger sister, Beth, and that your Father had a heart attack when you were in college, which is why you didn’t finish, but that’s about all I know. Are your parents even still together? It’s embarrassing that I don’t know this. My family is such a big part of my life, but they were always right near me in Scranton. I even lived at home until about 4 years ago. We will definitely have to talk about it some day, when we’re together.
Today was a delightful day with nothing much to report. I slept late, swam in the pool, went down to the beach and did a little body surfing well between the red flags, did some much needed wash and basically just hung around. So, today seems like a good day to cover some information I haven’t gotten around to in my other e-mails.
1. Tim Tams…I discovered these when somebody was passing them around on one of my bus trips. They are a wafer cookie, filled with cream and covered with chocolate...kind of like a fat Kit Kat, only much better. The kind I like are dark chocolate, but they also have hazelnut and several other flavors which I have been hesitant to sample, not wanting to end up as a Teletubby. I have a few packages already packed to bring home…in case I couldn’t find them in Cairns.
2. Money…oddly enough there are no one dollar bills here. There are one and two dollar coins…the two dollar coin being the most useful for soda machines etc. The smallest bill is a five. The two dollar coin is small and thick and easy to distinguish, as is the 50 cent piece which is large and octagonal. The other coins I have trouble with, and I am always rooting through my pockets trying to come up with the combo I need. It’s much easier to pay with a bill, but then I end up with pockets full of change…one day I ended up with $14 worth of change in my pocket. I need a pouch like a kangaroo. The exchange rate is approximately One Australian dollar to 75 Cents American. It does make everything seem expensive at first glance, until you do the math. Plus the sales tax is added on to the price, so that’s an added wallop. If you spend more than $300 in any one place, though, you can get the tax refunded. The bills are really cool…they have clear spaces, in addition to all the holograms and watermarks, which must be really hard to counterfeit. And the different denominations are slightly different sizes, which is useful.
3. I thought that you might be interested in what American products, etc. have traveled down under. Coke and Pepsi are everywhere, though they have some variations that I’ve never seen before. And Coke can be bought in special “gold” World Cup commemorative bottles, but considering how Australia and the US are doing so far, there doesn’t seem to be much point. McDonalds is all over, but strangely enough, Burger King is called Happy Jacks. Same logo and same Whopper advertised. At first I thought it was because of the British and their royalty thing, but George told me that they have Burger King in England, so I haven’t a clue. I have also seen KFC, Target, Blockbuster Video and Curves Gym. But no Outback Steakhouse (go figure!) or Chilis or Hooters.
4. There’s a funny story I never had a chance to tell you from Sydney. It was the day I was doing all the shopping. I happened to walk past this large square, somewhere near Circular Quay and I noticed that it was all cordoned off and there was lots of activity going on, so, of course, I went to investigate. The square was a large flag stoned area, and it was surrounded by crime scene tape and saw horses. All over the square were rabbits…live white rabbits. Literally hundreds of them, hopping around and huddling together in clumps. There were television cameras set up (funny how I recognized them right away!) and Production Assistants were running around chasing after rabbits, trying to keep them all in the cordoned off space. The rabbits, of course, kept trying to wander off. It was hilarious. Finally, they managed to get all of the rabbits more or less where they wanted them and they were ready to begin. A Korean model…the absolute skinniest person I have ever seen who didn’t have a horrible disease, came prancing out. She was wearing a black cocktail dress and high heels and looked extremely bored. Her role, I gather, was to chase the rabbits. However, I don’t think she was supposed to be able to catch them. The problem was that the rabbits were also bored, or possibly drugged and barely made any effort to get away from her when she chased them. In take after take, she would reach for one, and he would just sit there, and she would have to kind of push him away, probably cursing under her breath in Korean. One of the PAs told me that they were filming a commercial for a Korean Bank. I’ve been trying to imagine the commercial tag line.
“Bank of Korea...where your money is always out of reach.”
“Bank of Korea…where your money multiplies like rabbits, but we won’t let you near it.”
“Bank of Korea...where we spend lots of your money renting rabbits.”
“Bank of Korea…let’s all chip in and buy this girl a sandwich!”
5. Dwight and Angela’s Wedding. Wow. I can’t seem to wrap my mind around the concept. Are we sure we should be permitting this sort of thing to happen? You know that if they reproduce it could be the end of the world as we know it. This wedding should be THE social event of the year. I can’t wait. I’ve been dying to see Dwight’s beet farm. And Michael should be inspired to new heights, or depths, of comedy. I hope that he is working on new material, because I expect to be entertained as well as horrified, as only Michael can do it. What should we get them for a wedding present? Maybe I’ll see something at the Aborigine center tomorrow.
6. Dan’s party. What’s this about a bikini? It didn’t quite register when I first read it. Once again…wow! Okay...no more Tim Tams for me. And maybe I should do a few sit ups while I’m at it. Dan’s family has a really spectacular house with a great pool. They’re kind of rich. I told you his father is a judge. Not quite a Supreme Court judge, but up there. No pressure on Dan to pass the bar exam. None at all. But it should be an awesome party. I only hope I can stay awake for it. I will rely on you to revive me, as you have so often in the past. I have a feeling that the bikini will help. I can’t wait to see you.
I love you,
Jim
PS: My uncle died about 10 years ago, and my aunt a few years later, but my cousin and his wife still own the beach house. It’s in Long Branch…about 2 and a half hours from Scranton. Who know, if you’re good, I may be able to wrangle an invitation. September is the best, after the crowds have gone home.
From: Pbeesly
Sent: June 20, 2006 3:02 PM
To: Jhalpert
Subject: re: Cairns Day 3
Dear Jim,
Wow…suddenly I feel like I’m counting down the days until you come home. It’s Friday, the 23rd, right? Or are you leaving on the 23rd? What I was thinking was this: I was planning to come for the weekend, anyway. Why don’t you cancel your limo and I’ll pick you up at the airport? Just give me the flight number, time, date, etc. It’s not much further to drive to Kennedy than it is to drive to Stamford in the first place. And then I can bring you back to Stamford, and stay there over night, so you can unpack and get your messages, etc. And don’t worry if you mostly feel like sleeping on Saturday. I’ll find plenty to do. On Sunday, we’ll have to take both cars to the party, since I have to go home to Scranton and you to Stamford. Unless I take Monday off. Maybe I’ll do that. I worry about you driving back to Stamford after Dan’s party. Anyway...let me know if this is a plan, so I can arrange it with Michael.
I’m not sure when you are going to see your parents. It will probably not be until the next weekend, though I presume that you will talk to them before that. I know you have to get back to work Monday. Oh dear…here I am planning your life for you. Forgive me. I’m so used to doing this for Michael. Not to mention Roy, back in the day. Possibly you may want to arrange your own life. Just let me know what you want to do.
Oh, speaking of which, I just got a promotion! I am now Regional Manager of the Albany branch! No No. I’m kidding! But this morning Michael called me into his office and said that since I do so much more than answer the phone (like arranging Michael’s entire life for him) my new title is now Personal Assistant. It would be Secretary, but somebody told Michael that the term Secretary in non PC these days. It does come with a buck an hour raise, so yay, me! I personally think that Michael is afraid that I am about to decamp and move to Stamford, for some reason, and is trying a preemptive strike. Not a bad move, Michael.
Of course, at first Dwight was all bent out of shape, since he thinks he owns a copyright on the term “Assistant,” but Michael explained the whole Secretary thing, and reassured him that basically I will be doing exactly the same job I’ve always been doing, but with a more appropriate title. I was almost afraid I was going to be dis-invited to The Wedding of the Century for a moment, there.
Oh, speaking of TWOTC...get this! Angela wanted a string quartet to perform at the reception. Dwight wanted a group he knows who play bagpipes! (Is this a match made in heaven, or what?) With my help they compromised on...you guessed it…Scrantonicity! I figure it’s a win win win situation, with the third win going to Kevin, who’s thrilled. Except for the part where he’s worried that he’s some kind of a wedding jinx. I had to reassure him that his band had nothing to do with me canceling my wedding. Sigh. It’s been a busy day for me. I wish I could take a vacation from my vacation, like some people I know.
I love you too.
Pam
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