Pam put her hand up to knock on the door. She was decked out in a black spandex leotard, skirt, and thigh-high stockings. She’d used fabric paint to make a circle of rainbow colors on her chest to emulate a color wheel. A colorful, rainbow-striped cape fell from her neck to her knees. She wished it were longer; she still regretted agreeing to Jim’s suggestion of silver boots. They went nicely with the metallic gloves and headband from Taney’s, but really, they weren’t her style.

 “Last chance,” she whispered as they stood in front of apartment C303. They heard that classic ‘Monsta Rap’ by Elvira as soon as they stepped off the elevator. Jim gave her a look that suggested ‘your friends are idiots and all the girls are going to be dressed like cats’. A complicated look, and yet somehow he pulled it off.

Pam poked Jim slightly and tried to think of a way to prove his misgivings were unfounded. “Jeremy will be here…you like Jeremy. Aaaand Heather is going to be dressed as a nurse, so… sexy nurse alert!”

Jim rolled his eyes, “I tolerate Jeremy. And Heather is a nurse. It’s not a costume if you wear it to work.”

Pam looked up at him slyly, “Oh, so when you dressed up like Dwight, that wasn’t a costume?”

Jim grimaced, “Shooooot.” He knew Pam loved his Kevin impersonations.

Pam still hadn’t knocked on the door. Jim could tell she was having second thoughts. “There’s a chance that Roy might be here,” she murmured.

           Jim nodded and twined his fingers around hers, “I just hope we’re not wearing the same costume. Because, seriously? I don’t think he could pull it off.”

The smile that lit up Pam’s face spoke more of relief than happiness, “Honestly, Jim? I don’t think he’d even get it. Remember the three-hole punch? I never told you this, but I had to explain it to him like five times, and I still don’t think he gets it. Which is reason #172 that I love you, BeigeMan.”

He pursed his lips and said in his deep Superhero voice, “Well, obviously you love me. I’m BeigeMan. It is my due.”

Pam eyed his costume appraisingly, “You should put your hands on your hips when you say that. Like Superman.”

“Does that mean I have to let go of your hand? Because BeigeMan never lets go of ChromaGirl’s hand. It’s in his SuperContract,” Jim put his free hand on Pam’s hip. “What if I put my hands on your hips while I say it? I’m pretty sure Superman would do that if your hips were in the vicinity.”

She snuggled up next to him, “I think you’re getting your Superheroes confused. Spiderman’s the one who…”

He couldn’t help the jealousy in his voice, “Spiderman! Spiderman’s been grabbing your hips? Did you tell him that his outfit’s too colorful and you’ve got a thing for beige and you’ve sworn off webs and...”

“Hey buddy,” a guy dressed in a bathrobe and a shower cap tapped Jim on the shoulder with his loofah stick. “Can I get by? You’re hogging the hallway.”

“Oh, yeah, sure. Bathroom’s down on the right…second door,” Jim leaned against the wall, pressing a giggling Pam beneath him.

“Yeah. Hysterical,” the guy scowled as he knocked on C303.

Jim laid his head into the curve of Pam’s shoulder. He whispered, “BeigeMan will now disappear into the wall. Shazam.”

After repeated poundings, the door was eventually opened by a guy dressed like Urkel. “Trev, man, totally thought you were bailing! Great costume! Beer’s in the…” Urkel paused when he saw Pam peeking out from under Jim’s arm. “Pam? What the hell? What are you? Like Wonder Woman?”

           Pam  jumped into her ChromaGirl pose, hands on hip. “You call yourself a geek, Dan? Isn’t it obvious? I’m ChromaGirl, with the power to color coordinate upon demand. This is my sidekick, BeigeMan. As you can see…” she pointed helpfully at his tan khakis, beige polo shirt, light brown sweater, and beige baseball cap “…he blends easily into beige walls.” Jim lifted the brim of his cap in greeting, but made a face when Pam said ‘sidekick’. He gestured to show Urkel that Pam was really his sidekick.

            Dan took a ruler out of his pocket protector and measured the distance between himself and Pam. “Rule of the party, Pam. You come any closer than 8.7 inches to me and you have to drink a shot. Only way a guy like me is going to get laid tonight is if all the girls are suitably drunk. Oh. And if I sneak up on you, you’re still fair game.”

            Jim pulled Pam back towards him and put a protective arm around her, “Hey, thanks for the warning, guy.”

Instinctively, Pam clutched Jim’s arm and said, “Oh nice, Dan. Where’d you learn that? American Pie 5, the Swedish straight to video edition?”

Dan looked startled, “Has that come out? Seriously? Where’d you see it?” Before he could get further details, he was distracted by a new couple arriving.

Jim pushed Pam into the apartment as he looked back to see the new arrivals. “ChromaGirl, I’ve already sighted my first cat.”

“Meow,” was all Pam had time to say before the noise of the party enveloped them.

Pam led them to a table where punch bowls were set up in tubs of dry ice. She chose the ‘safe’ orange drink, figuring the black one was probably toxic. The only Halloween decorations in the room were a pumpkin on the table and a ghost in the corner. Everyone looked like they were having fun, which made it the exact opposite of yesterday’s office Halloween party. Angela would be livid if she saw this - no decorations, people having fun… simply appalling.

As they listened to the always entertaining “Purple People Eater”, Jim tried yelling in Pam’s ear. It didn’t work so Pam yelled something in his ear that sounded like “Greorps doweir.” Jim nodded as if he understood and followed her as she pulled him towards a hallway. Every few steps, she stopped to scream at someone she recognized. All of these people had known her in High School and to Jim they looked as if life had stopped at High School. They were dressed in the same cheesy costumes and drinking the same crap beer and hanging with the same lame friends. It was as if he and Pam had stepped out of a time warp into 1997.

There was a door on the right which was obviously the bathroom, based on the line snaking down the hall. At the end of the hallway were three doors. He chose one randomly and pushed in. There were fewer people in here, about six couples, all pretty much making out. He was about to push Pam back out when he saw the shocked look on her face. He didn’t even have to look to see what she was staring at. It had to be Roy.

As he guided her back out into the crowded hallway, he glanced back for a second to confirm his suspicions. Sure enough, Roy had some girl pressed up against a wall. Pathetically, Roy was in his old football uniform and, from the brief glance Jim got, the girl he was with was busting out of her cheerleader outfit. The most noticeable thing had been Roy’s hand pushed up the girl’s sweater. Classy, Jim thought.

He tried the next door which opened into another bedroom. An impromptu drinking game was taking place on the floor. The room had a sliding glass door which was letting in a nice, crisp October breeze. Jim half pulled, half carried Pam across the nearly incoherent drinkers. Their passage was marked by curses and slurred incomprehensible words.

Once they were safely out on the balcony, he said the only thing he could think of, “Well...” She nodded and drew in deep breaths of clean air.

“Quite a party,” she said without looking in his eyes.

Jim played along, “Definitely goes in my top 5.”

She smiled and he knew everything was going to be okay. “Did you see?” she asked, “He was wearing his old football jersey. Just…”

“Sad?” Jim finished.

Pam nodded, “Exactly. I can’t believe Katy went along with it.” She looked up to see confusion in his eyes. “The girl in the cheerleader outfit. That was Katy.”

“No way,” Jim looked back over his shoulder like she might suddenly leap out and start waving pompoms around.

He felt Pam’s arms wrap around his beige back. Her muffled voice could be heard, “Would I make that up?”

“Yes, yes you would. Remember when we were at Baskin Robbins and you shrieked out of nowhere, ‘Duck! It’s Karen!’ I lost a double scoop that day! And where can you hide in Baskin Robbins anyway? The whole building is windows.” Jim snaked his hands underneath her cape.

Pam giggled, “I swear I thought it was Karen.”

 “You just wanted to steal a bite of my Jamoca Fudge, Miss ‘oh, I only eat rainbow sherbert’ liar.” Jim licked her cheekbone to demonstrate.

 “Mmmm, Jamoca Fudge. Mmmm. Let’s go to 31 Flavors. My treat!” Pam nibbled on his ear.

“Can’t. We’re trapped here. We have to wait until there are a few less conscious bodies on the path between here and the door,” Jim rubbed his cheek against hers.

Pam clung to him, “Use your superpowers.”

Jim paused thoughtfully between kisses, “Okay, how is that going to get us across the room? I think your color-coordinating abilities are the only way out.”

“Oh, really?” Pam said in her most disbelieving voice.

Jim nodded forcefully, “Definitely. What you’ve got to do is turn on the lights and tell everyone you’re going to color-coordinate their costumes. Then when they all stand up to get in a line from shortest to tallest, we make a run for it.”

“Uh-huh. How about this,” Pam proposed, “How about you go in there, turn on the lights and ask if anyone can see you. While everyone is searching for your disembodied voice, we make a run for it.”

“Good, but I see a few holes in your plan,” Jim lifted her left hand to kiss it, “One, the light switch is next to the door so we’d have to climb over them to turn it on. Two, the walls look dark, so my amazing powers of beige are useless. Three, Roy and Katy just walked in.”

Pam spun around. Sure enough, in the dark shadows of the room, Pam could see Katy’s electric white sweater screaming across the room ‘Hi! I’m a cheerleader! Feel me up!’

 “Hey, do you know something?” Jim whispered in her ear.

Pam looked up into his smiling eyes. The knot in her stomach went away. She whispered back, “What?”

He pushed a tendril of her hair back in place behind the silver headband. “If the world were going to blow up, I would not save the cheerleader. I’d save the receptionist.”

 “Geek,” she breathed.

 “OH!” Katy’s little shriek drew their attention back to Earth. The cheerleader and Roy were swaying against the sliding glass door. Pam could see that Roy’s hand was up Katy’s skirt where it was rubbing her... Pam could feel her face drawing into a blank stare to mirror Roy’s.

 “Oh, hey Katy. Roy,” Jim said. He coolly removed one hand from under Pam’s cape to shake Roy’s hand.

Roy shook his proffered hand and said, “Hey, man. Pam” He gave a little nod in Pam’s direction.

“Gosh! What are you guys doing here! Wow! Remember the last time we saw each other? Can you believe that cruise? When I ran into Roy at Price Chopper, we laughed and laughed about that party. I mean what a riot that night was!” Katy was leaning into Roy and laughing hysterically. She was obviously drunk.

Roy’s mouth was hanging open slightly and Pam leaned in to Jim. Feeling the pressure of her body, Jim moved a few inches over so he stood between her and Roy.

 “So,” Jim asked, “How long you two been dating?”

“A week,” Roy said at the same time that Katy said “four months”.

Pam quickly ducked her face behind Jim’s back to hide her amused smile. She had to bite into Jim’s light brown sweater to keep from laughing.

Roy looked confused, but Katy kept a cheerful grin on her face, “We’ve been dating off and on for months, but last week we became an official couple.” Roy nodded slowly and pulled her in front of him so that now his arms were across her chest, and his body was grinding against her. She giggled and leaned up to kiss him, and went on, “And now, here we are, the football player and the cheerleader!  Together at last! It’s, like, fate!”

Roy gave Jim a knowing smile and said “I think she should’ve been head cheerleader, if you know what I mean.”  Katy giggled and hit at Roy, while Pam blanched.

Jim looked over his shoulder to share a disgusted grimace with Pam before saying, “Yeah. So…uh, enjoy the party, you two. We’re heading out for ice cream.”

Pam peeked around Jim’s back to nod goodbye to Roy and Katy before scooting through the sliding glass door and over the protesting bodies. Jim and Pam didn’t look back, so they missed Katy and Roy’s further public displays of… cheerleader/jock bonding. Pam felt slightly sick as she heard a drunken squeal of pleasure from Katy and thought how close she had come to sharing a life with... that type of guy.

Once they were safely in Jim’s car, Pam lay her head down in Jim’s lap and lifted her silver boots so they were pressing against the car window. “BeigeMan,” she said.

 “Yes, my loyal sidekick?” He played with the curls in her hair and didn’t bother putting his seatbelt on.

Pam scoffed, “You’re my sidekick, remember? So... how long do you think they’ve been dating?

“You mean InappropriateMan and CluelessGirl?” he waited out Pam’s reaction. “Oh, I’d say they hooked up at the party tonight. I’m not sure they even know each other’s names.” He looked around the parking lot to make sure it was deserted before undoing the tie on ChromaGirl’s cape.

Pam ran her finger along Jim’s arm, “She was so wasted; she obviously chose the black punch.”

 “Well. She never was the brightest girl, Pam.” He tossed the cape into the backseat.

Pam giggled, “She and Roy deserve each other then. And I thought it was really rude of her not to notice my ring. Last time she saw me she made such a big deal about that crap ring and this time, nothing!”

“Well, maybe she was blinded by its sheer brilliance. 250 bucks can buy you a whole lotta diamond,” Jim trailed his hand down her leotard.

“Best ring available at the nearest Truck Stop,” Pam quoted his wedding proposal.

Jim corrected her, “Not ‘nearest Truck Stop’, ‘best ring available at the choicest Truck Stop’. How do you get this thing off? There’s no zipper.”

“Why, Mr. Halpert, you’re not planning on taking advantage of your wife in some seedy parking lot, are you?” Pam grabbed his hand from where it was making lazy circles.

In a redneck voice, Jim said, “I’ve done it before, I can do it again. I’m not proud.”

She crawled into his lap, “Get me some Jamoca Fudge and I’ll show you how Superheroines remove their indestructible panties.”

“You’re going to have to kill me after you tell me, aren’t you? I’ve seen the movies. I’m not stupid.” He was examining the tops of her stockings as if they held the miracle clue to the mysterious leotard.

Pam watched his fingers at work before whispering, “Well, yes, but it will be a very, very pleasant way to go.”