The work day had just started and Toby was already annoyed. “Seriously?” he asked incredulously over the phone. “No, I mean that’s a great choice. I was just a little surprised. Sure. I’ll take care of it.” Toby couldn’t believe what he had just heard. Of all the candidates that had interviewed for the new corporate position, they had picked Ryan Howard for the job.
Toby couldn’t figure out exactly what bothered him. He didn’t really dislike Ryan, except for the annoying spats with Kelly he had to suffer through. Maybe he was just bothered that corporate hired someone so obviously unqualified. Maybe it was because he was now going to have to tell Michael, which wouldn’t be a pleasant experience. He knew Michael would try to find some way to blame him. Toby looked into his desk for something to calm his nerves before going to Michael’s office, but his bottle of ibuprofen was nowhere to be found. Sigh. This was going to be a long day.
“Hey Jim!” It was the morning after their first date and Pam was there in the parking lot, waiting to greet him with a huge smile on her face.
“What are you doing out here, Beesley?” Jim asked.
“Well I wanted to meet you before work. But then of course you were late as usual. You really shouldn’t keep a girl waiting like that.” Pam teased. Jim smiled but didn’t say anything. “What is it?” Jim just kept smiling. “I’m not a stalker.”
“Are you sure? Because I was just about to go home and check for a boiling rabbit.”
Pam laughed. “I wouldn’t boil a rabbit. You don’t even have one.”
“What would you use then?”
“I’d probably just steal Dwight’s bobble head.”
“Excellent. Feel free to stalk me anytime.”
“Now I’m not so sure. I mean, now I’m worrying that every time we kiss it will just conjure up the image of Dwight in his underwear.”
“Well maybe we should just kiss right now and see if that happens.”
“I don’t know, Jim. That’s a pretty frightening image.” Jim moved closer to her, attempting a kiss, but Pam backed off. “No!” she playfully giggled. Jim began to chase her, finally catching Pam and holding her in his arms. “Wow. Have we become one of those nauseating couples already?”
“Yeah, I guess so.” Jim replied, but he didn’t look it bothered him.
“Excellent.” This time, Pam leaned in to kiss him. Jim certainly wasn’t about to make her stop. So there they stood, in the middle of the parking lot with the summer sun brightly shining on them. They didn’t care about the past. They didn’t care about who could see them. All they cared about was exploring each other’s lips.
Before his meeting with Michael, Toby decided to go downstairs to check his car for some aspirin. As he walked past security, he nodded to Tate, but then suddenly stopped when he looked out the window. It was an absolutely soul crushing vision. Jim and Pam were kissing. That was supposed to be him kissing Pam. First she was with Roy and now she was with Jim. He wasn’t mad, though. He rarely even had the energy to be mad. Instead, he just chalked it up to another miserable episode in his life. Toby decided he was going to need something a lot stronger than acetaminophen tonight.
As Toby walked back upstairs, he wondered if there was any way for his day to possibly get worse. His question was soon answered. “You’re lying Toby, and frankly it’s not very funny! Why didn’t they call me?” Michael shouted.
“Well they said they tried to reach you, but it went straight to voicemail.”
“Ha ha ha! That’s a lie! Pam would have transferred it to me, idiot.”
“Pam isn’t there. She must have been …. occupied”. Toby was clearly pained at getting that last part out.
Michael opened the blinds to confirm Pam’s absence, and saw that she was arriving at her desk just then. “So what, this is real? Ryan? My boss? That’s ridiculous! He couldn’t even make a sale!”
“I know Michael. It seems weird and I’m not entirely happy about it, but that’s what happened. We should probably make an announcement.”
“No, not we. Just me. You’ll just screw it up like everything else.”
Toby was not in a good mood today and was ready to tear into Michael for all the crap he gives him, but this was Toby and the best he could muster was, “I really wish you would stop saying that.”
“What are you gonna do, divorce me?” Michael said as he let out a little laugh that showed how pleased he was with his own joke. Toby just dropped his head. Its just not worth it.
Back out in the office, Dwight was tapping his pen on the desk and had a mischievous grin on his face. “Question. Are you a mousy receptionist kind of guy or exotic saleswoman kind of guy?” He made sure to speak loud enough so Pam could hear.
Jim was ready to play along. “Actually, I’m a Battlestar: Galactica kind of guy.”
“That’s stupid, Jim. Knock it off.”
“I’m sorry Dwight, but I’m in love with you, and I just needed you to know. Once.” Jim winked at Pam, who started cracking up at the receptionist desk. At this moment, Michael and Toby walked out of the office to make the announcement.
“Michael! Will you tell Jim…” Dwight tried to finish, but was interrupted.
“Shut up, idiot. I don’t have time for that now. Everybody gather around. I have an important announcement to make.” Everybody, including a notably glum Kelly, did as Michael said.
“Is this really important? Or is it like all of your other announcements?” Stanley asked, who was holding his phone receiver, obviously in the middle of a sales call.
“All of my announcements are important, Stanley.”
“Mmmm-hmmmm”, Stanley muttered. He went back to making his sales call.
“Whatever, we don’t need Stanley for this. It seems as if we had a traitor in our midst all this time. Like one of those pylons on Dwight’s stupid show.”
“Cylons,” Dwight corrected.
“Whatever.” Michael was always annoyed at being corrected by Dwight on every little detail of his stupid nerd fantasies. “The point is, Ryan Howard has betrayed us. Behind our backs, he interviewed for the new corporate position. He accepted the offer yesterday and will no longer be with us.”
“So that’s why he dumped me?! I would have moved to New York for him!” Kelly started running towards the elevator. “Ryan!!!!!!” she shouted as she left the building.
Michael made a crazy face and rolled his finger around his ear. “Cuckoo! And I don’t mean for Rice Krispies.” Jim made one of his typical faces when Michael said something stupid. “OK, everyone back to work. Or not work, because apparently making zero sales will get you promoted.”
Everyone went back to normal business, which for Jim meant hanging out at Pam’s desk. “So Ryan got the job. Does that mean…?” Pam asked, without finishing the question, but she didn’t need to.
“I don’t know.” Jim replied, looking a little guilty. ‘When I told her, well you know… She didn’t seem very interested in talking to me.” There was a slight pause where they looked uncomfortable. “But you know what, let’s not worry about it. What you should be concerned about now is where I’m taking you on our next date.”
Pam smiled. “Well, our first two dates were at Dunder-Mifflin. So I figure date three will have to be someplace special, like Dwight’s beet farm.”
“Now you ruined it. That’s exactly where I was taking you. Good work, Beesley.” They laughed, but the fun was soon interrupted as Karen walked in. She noticed the two of them standing very close to one another, obviously in couple mode already.
“Wow Halpert, you work fast. Congratulations, Pam.” She tried to make it sound as sincere as possible, but wasn’t entirely successful. She continued on to her desk, sat down and without skipping a beat launched into her first sales call of the day. Jim and Pam both felt guilty so they also went back to work.
One person not working was Dwight. He was busy at Toby’s desk, giving him a long list of complaints about Jim’s behavior, ending with a complaint about the I love you prank. “And I expect something to be done this time, Toby!” Toby put the list of complaints into a new file folder and Dwight marched away.
Toby’s initial instinct was to ignore Dwight as usual. He picked up the folder and threw it in his wastebasket, but then something strange happened. He couldn’t stop staring at the folder. For a long time Toby just sat there. Then he finally came to a decision. Toby picked the file up out of the wastebasket and put it in his filing cabinet. He looked around for a minute to make sure no one saw him, then went back to work.
Author's Chapter Notes:
Everybody finds out about Ryan's promotion. Toby has a bad day.
