May 16, 2006

“Here,” he shoved a child’s fork into her hand as he passed by her on his way back from the restroom.

“What the hell is this, Jim?” she asked as she turned the fork over in the palm of her hand. The handle was decorated in Sesame Street cartoon characters.

“I’ve been pulling these pranks on Dwight over the past…god, I don’t know, two years probably,” Jim explained as he pulled her aside, away from the doors to the kitchen. “Anyway, I have this children’s Sesame Street dinner set. Cups, plates, bowls, silverware, you name it, it’s in this set.” Pam nodded earnestly. “Anyway, I stopped when you arrived because the person that left just before you were hired caught onto me and threatened to tell Dwight what I was doing.”

“What are you doing?” Pam asked with a furrowed brow.

“I’m giving him the entire set one piece at a time,” he replied, a sparkle in his eyes. “Every time I come for lunch, I bring along one item, and leave it on our table when we leave. When the waitresses come by and pick the things up, this children’s dinnerware is taken with them. It drives Dwight insane.”

“Really?”

“Really.”

“Are you sure that I won’t get in trouble for this?” Pam asked as she placed the fork into her pocket.

“No,” Jim replied. “Like I said, I’ve been doing this for two years. It’s just fun to mess with him every once in a while. As long as you’re not insulting beets, he’s cool.”

“I have to say, Jim,” Pam said as he began to walk away. “This is by far, the weirdest thing anyone has ever asked me to do.”

“Glad to expand your horizons, Beesly,” he said with a wink as he walked back to his table. As Michael and Ryan filed out in front of him, she noticed Jim take a small plate out of his briefcase and set it next to the one that he had been eating his lunch off of. Pam stifled a giggle and went to clean off the table.

**

“Do you ever work, Ryan?” Jim asked as he swiveled around in his desk chair to see Ryan standing in his doorway.

“Sometimes,” he replied with a casual shrug. “Really, Michael’s the one you should worry about. He’s currently in a meeting with a couple representatives from Cadillac making an utter fool of himself.”

“And you didn’t intervene?” Jim asked.

“We’ll still have their business, irregardless of how badly he fucks up in there,” Ryan replied as he started to exit the doorway.

“Wait, Ryan,” Jim waved him back. “I have something I want to ask you.”

“What? Jim Halpert? A man with questions?” Ryan asked with a look of exaggerated shock on his face. “I never!”

“Seriously,” Jim said with a quick nod.

“Seriously, what?”

“You dated that one girl from The Golden Beet, right? Kelly? The Indian girl?” Jim asked.

“I went out with her a couple times,” Ryan replied. “We screw around sometimes on the weekends.”

“Screw around?”

“Yeah, you know, I go over to her place and…” Jim quickly held his hand up.

“Say no more. I’d rather not go into that sort of information,” he said quickly.

“Why do you ask?”

“I’m thinking about maybe asking Pam to the dinner gala that first week in June,” Jim said casually.

“The dinner gala?” Ryan asked. “You mean the dinner gala that the biggest advertising company in New York is hosting?”

“Yeah.”

“No. No way.”

“Why? Why not?”

“She’s a waitress.”

“So?”

“The dinner gala is for…you know…”

“Rich people?” Jim asked sarcastically.

“Well, I wouldn’t put it quite that way, but…come on, are you serious?”

“You’re horrible,” Jim said with half a smile on his face. “Forget I asked you. I’ll ask Michael what he thinks.”

“Jim, I would never take Kelly to one of those things,” Ryan said flatly.

“Of course you wouldn’t,” Jim said with a smirk, “she’d catch sight of a celebrity and go ape shit.” Ryan shrugged.

“True.”

“I’ll just…I’ll talk to you later,” Jim said waving Ryan away this time. Ryan stood up and casually, slowly walked towards Jim’s door.

“You like her, don’t you?” he asked with a boyish grin on his face. Jim shrugged.

“Maybe I do,” he replied as he turned back towards his computer.

**

Jim knocked firmly on the door to Michael’s office.

“Come in!”

He opened the door and stepped inside to find Michael drawing faces onto a mock-up advertisement for Cadillac that he had drawn up earlier in the week.

“You know, it’s not nice to ruin other people’s hard work,” Jim said flatly as he watched Michael drawing thick black flames coming from the hood of a sports car.

“Oh Jim, you take everything so seriously,” Michael said with an eye roll as he imitated people screaming as he scribbled.

“I take it the meeting with the representatives didn’t go too well?” Jim asked.

“No…people don’t know what they want,” Michael replied as he rolled his eyes again.

“Wow…”

“What can I do you for, Jim-bo?”

“I’m trying to figure out who I’m going to bring to the dinner gala at the beginning of next month,” Jim said quietly, taking a seat across from Michael’s desk.

“Oh?” Michael stopped doodling and closed the cap on the Sharpie.

“Yeah.”

“You’re actually thinking about bringing someone this year?” Jim shrugged. “So this means that you’re finally over…”

“Don’t say it.”

“Fine, I won’t,” Michael said with a shrug. “Who are you thinking about bringing? Someone I know?” He winked twice.

“I hope that you’re not implying that you be my date, Michael,” Jim said with a laugh.

“Oh heavens no…blech,” Michael said as he stuck out his tongue in disgust, “I have a date anyways. Real estate developer for the middle of Manhattan.”

“Nice.”

“Who’s the lucky lady, Mr. Halpert?”

“I really want Pam to come with me,” Jim said, maybe a little more nervously than he had intended.

“Pam?” Michael searched his mind. “Pam…Pam…oh! The waitress, Pam?”

“Yeah, her,” Jim said as he looked down in his lap.

“Hey, sure, whatever you want,” Michael said with a shrug.

“Really? Because Ryan said…”

“Who cares what Ryan said,” Michael scoffed. “Ryan would bring a prostitute if he could get away with it. He’s all talk. Talk talk talk.” Jim smiled and laughed a little to himself. “If you want to bring Pam, go ahead and bring Pam. I think it’s great that you’re finally going to go out with someone after that whole di…”

“Don’t say it.”

“Div…”

“Don’t say it, Michael.”

“Divorce!” he spat out quickly and Jim shook his head.

“You are…”

“Oh come on,” Michael chided, “that was like…two years ago?”

“A year and a half,” Jim said quietly. “And it doesn’t matter because that has not been swaying my decisions.”

“I would beg to differ.”

“Well you go ahead and beg,” Jim said with a sigh.

“She might be at the gala, you know,” Michael said with a speculative raise of his eyebrow. Jim looked up at him with a question in his eyes.

“Pam?”

“No, the big ex.”

“I’ll take my chances.”

“That’s not why you want…you’re not going to…is that why you want to bring Pam?”

“Not at all,” Jim said defiantly. “I want to bring Pam because I like her. And I think that she would probably enjoy herself. I don’t think that she has a whole lot of friends and…” he stopped himself.

“And what?”

“And…I like her. I just like her is all.” Michael smiled like a little boy who had just been rewarded with candy and nodded.

“Well, I think that Pam would be a marvelous date,” Michael said with a nod. “And if you want to bring her along, I think that would be wonderful.” Jim smiled and stood up.

“Thank you for your input, Michael,” Jim said. “And please, don’t completely ruin that poster. I worked for a good two days on that thing.”

“Yes yes, of course,” Michael said as he waved Jim out of his office.