March 22, 2007

She walked to their table, their lunch bill in her hands.

“So Pamela,” Michael said, careening his eyes towards her. “Why are you working today?”

“Why not?” she asked with a smirk.

“Because I believe it’s your art show tonight,” he said with a wink.

“And you better be coming,” she said returning his wink and flashing a smile towards Jim whose face automatically sunk.

“Oh, I certainly would not even think about missing the newest and greatest New York artist’s show,” Michael said proudly. She giggled and walked away towards the kitchen.

When she emerged from the kitchen to collect the bills that she had just distributed around to her tables, she was stopped immediately by Jim.

“Hey,” she said with a grin.

“Listen, I have to tell you something,” he said gravely.

“What?” she pulled him aside, and tried not to let his seemingly sudden sour disposition get her down.

“It’s about your art show tonight,” he said quietly.

“What about it?” she asked.

“I’m…I’m not going to be able to make it until later,” he replied, a pained look on his face.

“What? Why not?” she asked.

“It’s um…” he turned his head away and started to mumble softly.

“I can’t hear you,” she said.

“It’s Karen,” he said softly.

“What?”

“She um…I might have told her about a month ago that you were in the art show at NYU, and I think that she might have figured out when the opening night is and…well, she scheduled our last legal meeting for tonight,” he said quickly, fumbling over a few of the words.

“What time tonight?” Pam asked in a low voice.

“Seven thirty,” he replied.

“Fuck!” she exclaimed, a little louder than she had probably intended.

“Pam, I am…I am so, so, so sorry,” he said grabbing her by the arms and trying to pull her close to him.

“Can’t you like, reschedule it or something?” she asked, her eyes pleading. “Anything!”

“I wish I could but…” he searched her face and she could tell that he wanted anything else in the world than to be stuck in a meeting the opening night of her art show.

“Jim…I need you there,” she said quietly, the smile completely faded from her face.

“You don’t need me,” he said as he ran his hands down her arms and took her hands into his. “You will do absolutely fine on your own. And I’ll be there! I just might be a little late, is all.”

“How long is this meeting with the lawyers going to last?” she asked.

“I can’t imagine it going any longer than an hour,” he replied. “And just think, after tonight…I never have to deal with anything of hers ever again.” Pam bit her bottom lip and woefully nodded. “I’ll see you tonight, okay?”

“Okay,” she said with a slow nod.

“I love you,” he said quietly, brushing his fingers against her cheek and she smiled meekly.

“Me too,” she said quietly before he turned around to go back to his table.

She stood still in the back hallway; she had forgotten what she had been going out in the dining room to do in the first place. Tears that wanted to escape from her eyes were trapped and she could feel her throat tightening. She took a couple of deep, shaky breaths just as Angela was coming from the kitchen.

“Angela,” she squeaked, grabbing her by the elbow.

“What?” she asked turning to look Pam in the face. When she saw the pained expression, her stern disposition seemed to melt away a little.

“Can you go…go pick up the checks on my tables?” she asked quietly. “I need…” she took another deep breath and pointed towards the other end of the hallway.

“Yeah,” Angela nodded and gave Pam a reassuring pat on her shoulder.

**

She stood on the second floor of the building and looked around. It was like being in a museum of her. All of the artwork on the entire floor was hers. Every final project that she had made for her classes was hanging on the walls. There was a long white wall over near the stairs that was entirely portraits of the people that she knew, the people that she was friends with; both Dwight and Jim were affectionately displayed on that wall. Near the windows, she had hung frame after frame of nature watercolors. In the middle of the room she had charcoal sketches of the city and watercolors of children playing in the park outside of her apartment. She even had her abstract work that she had painstakingly done hanging up on a couple of columns.

If she was lucky, she might sell several pieces that she had listed. There were a few paintings that she wanted for herself though – the portrait of Jim, the abstract work of art that she had created before the two of them were even in a relationship. There were certain pieces that felt like they were a part of her and no matter how much someone might want them, she knew that there was no way she’d be able to part with them.

She walked around the creaky wooden floor nervously. She could hear people filing in on the floor below her. She hoped that people would like what she had done. She hoped that all of her friends would show up. She hoped that Jim wouldn’t be too late.

She nervously wrung the program in her hands, waiting for the dean of the art program to come up and get her so that he could introduce her to the crowd downstairs. She swung her handbag around on her wrist and nearly jumped right off the ground when her cell phone started to ring and vibrate.

“Hello?” she asked, not bothering to check who was calling.

“Hey Pam,” Jim replied on the other line of the phone.

“Was the meeting cancelled?” she asked eagerly.

“No, we’re just about to start,” he replied and her heart sunk again. “Listen, I just had to call you and wish you good luck before all of the people arrive. I’m thinking about you and I really, really wish I was there and not here.”

“I do too,” she said quietly.

“So…good luck, you will be phenomenal, I promise.”

“Thanks.”

“I’ll see you when I see you.”

“Okay…”

“Bye Pam.”

“Bye Jim…” she sort of trailed off when she heard his phone click shut – ending the call.

“Pam, you should really turn off your cell phone,” the dean said as he rounded the stairs for her.

“Sorry, it was just…”

“Never mind. It’s okay. Come on! Let’s go, let’s go!” he said as he hurried her around the stairs. She quickly followed, touching her hair a couple of times to make sure that there weren’t any rogue curls escaping from her ponytail.

She froze when she reached the rest of her colleagues. There were so many faces that she didn’t know stretched out in front of her. She didn’t recognize a single person with the exception of a couple of her professors and maybe a couple of people who had been in classes with her at one point.

The dean stood in front of her and the four other students she was standing alongside of. Her mind wandered as he introduced the five of them and she briefly smiled when she heard him say her name. She was completely lost in a daze.

The people in the crowd applauded politely at the end of the dean’s speech and Pam followed the other four students blindly, as they all made their way to their respective rooms and floors where there art was prominently displayed.

**

She felt awkward, sitting in the corner of her room, cradling a glass of red wine in her hands and watching as unfamiliar faces passed through the room studying, critiquing and enjoying her works of art. No one had come to talk to her once. No one had actually complimented her (or criticized her) to her face yet. She really felt quite lonely in the room. All the time she wondered how much longer Jim would be, she wondered if anyone that she actually knew would show up. It was the opening night. She would be in this gallery for the rest of the weekend and the artwork would be up for the next week for people to come and see.

“Pamalama!” she heard a familiar voice exclaim from the top of the stairs. Her head immediately shot up from her program and an enormous smile crossed her face when she saw Michael and his new girlfriend walking up the stairs. She couldn’t remember the last time she had felt this happy to see Michael.

“Michael! You made it!” she cried happily, resisting the urge to run over and hug him.

“Of course,” he said, “you seem surprised.”

“Well, you’re the first person that I know who has actually shown up,” she said glumly.

“Oh nonsense,” he said, shaking his hand at her, “plenty of people will show up, the night is still young!”

“Michael, it’s 8:30 and I’m leaving at eleven,” she said.

“See? You still have a couple of hours left,” he said with a reassuring hand on her shoulder. “So what would you say is your best piece of art here?”

“Oh, I don’t know,” she replied with a bashful shrug. “That’s really for you to decide.” She walked with him into the center of the room and he looked around.

“Wow Pam,” he said nodding to himself, “you are really talented.”

“Really?”

“Absolutely,” he said as his eyes scanned the walls. “Wow!” He rushed over to the wall of portraits.

“Do you like them?” she asked.

“They’re amazing!” he replied. “I feel like I’m looking at photographs.” She felt a flush rise through her cheeks.

“Thank you,” she said with a smile and nodded. “Thanks.”

**

It was 9:30, still no sign of Jim. She had even tried calling him during a lull and had only been able to reach his voice mail. Either he wasn’t picking his phone up or his phone wasn’t on at all. Before 9:30, she had seen Michael, Dwight and Angela – Dwight had immediately demanded to buy his portrait upon seeing it. She still had thought that she might see her mother though and Kelly had promised she would come and that she might bring Ryan.

In any case, by 9:45, she was tired of standing on the floor that all her work was displayed and she decided that she needed to go and see some of the other students’ work.

She walked up to the top floor and looked around, smiling at the other art students and openly complimenting their work. She was pretty sure that she had seen most everything that her colleagues were displaying and it did not take her long to go through everything that there was to see. At ten she walked back down to the second floor where her work was displayed. She nearly tripped over the last step and when she regained her footing and looked around the room, her heart froze.

Roy was there with her mother. She hadn’t seen him since she had left him nearly two years ago. He looked different – more rugged, larger somehow. Immediately she thought that he looked a lot better than the last time that she had seen him. Of course, the last time that she had seen him was a couple of years earlier and he was a wreck over her leaving him.

She had almost completely forgotten about him – with the exception of the fleeting thought now and again. After about eight months of not seeing him, he had stopped contacting her and he had stopped trying to send her gifts. She had welcomed it and she had moved on.

Now, seeing him standing in the middle of the room, looking at an abstract piece of art with her mother made memories come flooding back. She didn’t know what to do. She knew that she needed to greet them, and she knew that she would have to talk to him. What would she say? Her eyes searched the room frantically, hoping that Jim had arrived. When she didn’t see Jim, she fumbled through her purse for her phone, hoping that maybe he had called. Nothing.

“Pam!” her mother cried as Pam quickly stuffed her cell phone back into her purse.

“Mom!” she cried with a little bit of forced enthusiasm as her mind still raced. Her mother quickly rushed towards her and threw her arms around her daughter.

“I am so proud of you!” her mother said as she held Pam close.

“Thanks,” Pam said with a gracious nod as they pulled away from one another. They shared a brief contented smile, before Pam’s attention turned back towards Roy. “So…”

“You want to know what Roy’s doing here, don’t you?” her mother asked in a hushed voice.

“Kind of, yes,” Pam replied.

“I told him about the show, Pam,” she said, “don’t be upset. That’s the last thing that I want.”

“I’m not upset,” she said quietly, “just…surprised, I guess.”

“Good,” her mother said with a nod. “It’s just…I was on the phone with him a while ago and I had mentioned that you were going to be in this art show and he expressed a real interest in coming. I couldn’t say no to him. He really wanted to see how you were doing.” Pam nodded silently. “Come on, come say hello.”

The two of them walked over to where Roy stood, looking intently at the abstract work of art that Jim had helped her to create her first semester at the school. Pam stood nervously behind him, hoping that he wouldn’t want to see her – or maybe he would completely ignore her.

Her mother tapped on his shoulder and whispered something in his ear; he immediately turned around with a nervous smile on his face.

“Pammy!” he exclaimed and she smiled as earnestly as she could.

“Hi Roy,” she said with a gracious smile. He quickly swept her up in a large hug and unpleasant memories from her past came flooding back into her mind.

“So this all…” he waved his hand around, “this is all yours?”

“I drew it all, yeah,” she said with a nod.

“Wow,” he said with a sigh. “Wow, I never would have guessed.” She shrugged and felt her cheeks turn a little pink.

“Do you like them?” she asked nervously.

“I love them,” he replied quietly. “I just wish…I kind of wish I knew what some of them were…” he glanced at the abstract painting he had been looking at again, “like this one here.” She smiled.

“That’s my life,” she said. “In abstract form.”

“It’s real pretty,” he said with a courteous nod.

“Thank you,” she said. She was about to open her mouth to say something else before she heard a loud, “Ohmigod!” from behind her. She turned around to see Kelly with a huge grin on her face and clutching onto Ryan’s arm as they rounded the stairs.

“That’s Kelly,” she said with a smile as she walked across the room to greet the two new familiar guests.

“Ohmigod Pam,” she gushed, “this is so cool. And this is all yours?”

“Yeah, it’s all mine,” Pam replied with a smile and a nod.

“Ohmigod,” Kelly gasped as she broke away from Ryan and rushed over a corner of the room and Pam could swear that she heard Ryan let out a sigh of relief.

“Ryan,” Pam said quietly.

“Yeah?”

“Have you heard anything from Jim?” she asked nervously.

“No,” Ryan replied, shaking his head. “You haven’t seen him?”

“No,” she said sadly.

“I’m sorry,” he said, and for the first time she thought that he might actually be sincere.

“Yeah,” she said with a slow nod and turned back to where her mother was standing.

**

It was eleven and the gallery was closing and she still had not heard anything from Jim. She was visibly upset by his absence and she had no idea what she was going to do when she inevitably saw him again. She put on a happy face for her mother, for Roy, for the last couple of people that were still at the gallery as she stepped outside to catch a cab home.

“Thank you for coming mom,” she said as he embraced her mother tightly. “And thank you too, Roy.” She smiled up at Roy, but refrained from giving him another hug.

“I’m really proud of you,” her mother said again, it was just as welcoming as the first few times that she had said it.

“Thanks,” Pam said with a nod.

“I am too, Pammy,” Roy said weakly. “And I…for the record…I’m really sorry.” Pam bit back the tears that she could feel forming behind her eyes. The tears weren’t just from her mother telling her that she was proud, they weren’t just from Roy telling her that he was proud and sorry, it was everything that had transpired that night. She had heard so many people mention how nice her artwork looked, she had actually sold some of her pieces to people, and she even had the artist – who she had thought was the best – tell her that he was absolutely in love with her natural watercolors. However, there was one thing that hurt her more than anything and would be what she would cry about through the night was Jim not coming to the opening night.

She said her last goodbyes to her mother and Roy and stepped out in the street to hail a taxi. As soon as one stopped for her and she was safe inside, away from anyone else, she let go and started to cry.

**

She stepped out of the cab with a tear stained face. She paid the cab driver and tipped him a little too generously, but she didn’t even care right now. She fumbled through her purse for her cell phone and immediately called Jim’s cell phone. As soon as it started ringing in her ear, she could hear a ring coming from near her door. She walked a little faster, approaching her front door. She saw Jim leaning against the doorframe, his head down, his hand reaching into his pocket to pick up his phone.

Pam snapped her phone shut and stomped up to him.

“Where the fuck were you?” she practically screamed at him. He jumped at the sound of her voice and his eyes widened hearing her curse.

“I…”

“I waited, and waited!” she cried, she wanted to throw her phone at him, she wanted to throw her purse at him…she wanted to throw something at him. “You were the only one that I wanted to see there tonight!”

“I’m sorry, it was just Karen…”

“Karen?” she practically gasped.

“The meeting ran a lot longer than I wanted to, and she tried to sneak…”

“I don’t care!” she cried, the tears coming again as she twisted her key in the door. “Everyone was there! Everyone!” She stomped up the stairs and he blindly followed her. She didn’t say anything more until she reached the door of her apartment, not wanting to anger any of the other tenants in the building.

“Everyone was there, huh?” Jim asked as he leaned against her wall as she furiously twisted the keys in the locks of her door.

“Yes,” she seethed.

“Who’s everyone?” Jim asked.

“Michael, his girlfriend, Dwight, Angela, Kelly, Ryan, my mother…” she paused as she opened up her door. “Roy.”

“Who?”

“Roy.” He searched his mind trying to figure out why the name was so familiar. “My ex-fiancé.” She kicked the door shut and threw her bag to the floor, her keys flying across the room.

“Oh god…” he rubbed his forehead. She looked at him, her eyes narrowing. His face was full of remorse.

“I only wanted to see you,” she whimpered quietly as she wiped a couple of tears from her cheeks.

“I will be there every day this weekend,” he said urgently. “I promise. I will come tomorrow when the gallery first opens and I will stay until it closes. I swear.” He walked to her and took her hands but she quickly twisted away. “Pam…”

“Get out,” she said quietly.

“What?”

“Just…leave, please,” she said quietly, as she sat on the edge of her bed and buried her face in her hands.

“But Pam…I couldn’t help it, I really couldn’t…” he stammered, “and it’s over now, everything is…it’s done, it’s settled…”

“I just…” she sighed heavily in her hands and he could tell that she was sobbing, “please.” He was torn. He didn’t want to leave her like this, especially when he felt as sorry and as bad as he did. On the other hand, he wanted to do what she wanted and not anger her any further.

“Pam…” she looked up at him with tears running down her cheeks.

“I’ll talk to you when I’m ready,” she said quietly. “Now…please leave.” He nodded and turned around. Slowly leaving her apartment and vowing that he would never do anything like this ever again.