“Jim… I’m bored.”

“Well, do something.”

“Like what, smart alec?”

“I dunno… paint.”

“I already painted today. Besides, I just took a shower, and scrubbed all the paint off of me.”

“Well, do something else.”

“Do something with me.”

“Pam… the game…”

“I know! Let’s play a game!”

“I know! Let’s watch the game.”

“No! Three truths and a lie! Come on, let’s play.”

“What?”

“Three truths and a lie. You have to say three true things about yourself, and one lie. Then the other has to guess which one was the lie.”

“Fine. I’ll play. Although we both know I will totally kick your ass.”

“No way. I think you are just a bit cocky.”

“Mixed berries.”

“Knowing my favorite yogurt. Big deal. Anyways, since you are so cocky, I’ll start. I can’t roll my tongue. My favorite book is Little Women. I can count to one hundred in Spanish. I only eat tic tacs in even numbers.”

“The lie has to be the tongue. How could you NOT be able to roll it?”

“I totally can’t… see!”

“Liar. You’re just faking. Fine, what was the lie?”

“I can’t count to one hundred.”

“Cien?”

“Huh?”

“Okay, you weren’t lying… cien is one hundred in Spanish.”

“Okay, see, not so cocky now. Your turn.”

“Hmm… three truths and a lie. Okay. I have played with Barbies. I was in a band in high school. I never went to a summer camp. And… um, I didn’t get my license until I was 19.”

“Well, I know you babysit Sasha, so that Barbie thing is true. But, I am guessing license. Jim Halpert seems like the type to be waiting there on his sixteenth birthday.”

“Dammit, you’re right. Technically I was 16 and one day… my parents said no on my birthday.”

“You paused. That’s a big giveaway.”

“I did?”

“Yep.”

“Fine, smarty pants. Your turn.”

“Fine. I’ve never been to Canada. I once made a Barbie into a mummy. I went skydiving.  I’ve got scars from acid.”

“What? Acid?”

“How do you know that’s not the lie?”
”Cause you hate heights. You never would have gone skydiving. Now what is this about acid?”

“Okay, you’re right. But it wasn’t a big deal. I was trying to open up the container in lab, and some splashed on me.”

“Show me the scars…. Oh, those are tiny.”

“I told you it wasn’t a big deal.”

“Okay, now what were your other truths?”

“I’ve never been to Canada.”

“No way, it’s like, 4 hours away.”

“Well, I haven’t been.”

“We are so going there tomorrow.”

“Tomorrow’s Monday, we’ve got work.”

“Call in sick. Now what was the other thing? Oh yeah, Barbie… a mummy, seriously?”

“Class project.”

“Freak.”

“Well, I wasn’t a fan of her anyways. Now your turn.”

“I went through a Goth phase. I hate the taste of yogurt. I – ”

“What, you hate the taste of yogurt?”

“You sound so hurt.”

“How is that possible?”

“It just tastes weird and it feels weird.’

“Fine. Go on.”

“Stop sulking, it’s not the end of the world.”

“Says you.”

“Fine. So, I went through a Goth phase, I hate the taste of yogurt. I had a crush on Aunt Becky from Full House.”

“Aunt Becky?”

“Can I finish please?”

“Sorry. Go on.”

“Goth, Yogurt, Aunt Becky, and I have a coin from the 1700’s.”

“Aunt Becky? That’s the lie, right?”

“Yeah, I actually had a crush on DJ.”

“So, little Jimmy was a Goth? And show me this coin.”

“Yes, I was a Goth. All black, emo punk, that sort of thing. One second. See, here it is.”

“Whoa, heavy. 1786. We were barely a country then.”

“Oh, you’re a country now?”

“You know what I mean. How did you get this?”

“My grandpa collected coins. After he died, I found it. Never knew where he got it from.”

“Oh, sorry.”

“No biggie. Besides, let’s keep playing.”

“Okay. I can say the alphabet backwards. My favorite flower is the carnation. I tried to go through mirrors when I was younger – you know, ‘cause of Alice. And… I suck at foosball.”

“Well, you told me about the carnation. And I know you suck at foosball. I don’t believe you’ve ever gone through mirrors, but if that is the lie, I want you to prove the alphabet thing.”

“zyxwvutsrqponmlkjhigfedcba. It only took a day to memorize.”

“Why?”

“Why not.”

“Okay, so my turn. I memorized Who Framed Roger Rabbit?. I once spoke Pig Latin for an entire week. I twisted my ankle when I was three. I almost became a doctor.”

“Hmm… the Pig Latin thing?”

“Uetray. Allway eekway. Entytway Ourfay Evensay”

“What?”

“True. All week. Twenty-four seven.”

“Fine, what was the lie?”

“I never wanted to become a doctor.”

“So, you really did memorize Who Framed Roger Rabbit?”

“Yep, anyways, you thought that was true also.”

“I was hoping I wasn’t dating someone that pathetic.”

“Like you’re such a catch.”

“Hey!”

“No hitting! Besides, it’s your turn!”

“Okay. I stopped believing in Santa when I was ten. I can throw a perfect spiral. I once rescued a pet rat from an animal lab. I collected Beanie Babies.”

“Well, I have seen said Beanies, and I bet Roy taught you the spiral… but I don’t think you rescued a rat from an animal lab.”

“November. A cutie if you ever saw one. Giant brown eyes, black and white. Such a sweetie.”

“Whoa. So, when did you stop believing in Santa?”

“Seven. I told my parents there was no Santa. I was so upset that they were believing a lie.”

“What? You thought they believed in Santa?”

“Yeah, I was heartbroken that they lived their entire life without knowing the truth.”

“Okay. Strange. Once, I went shopping to avoid doing laundry. I had my hand in an alligator’s mouth. I didn’t see one kangaroo in Australia. I have a green thumb.”

“Okay, the alligator thing seems so obvious it must be true. But I don’t believe you could have gone to Australia and not seen one kangaroo.”

“A – ”

“But that is why it must be true. And you are a guy, so I can buy the laundry thing. So, you can’t keep a plant alive?”

“Nope. I water them, they get sun, but still. Dead as a doorknob.”

“So, Alligators? Kangaroos?”

“I didn’t really leave Sydney… and they weren’t hopping around the city. So, never saw one. And here is a picture of the alligator.”

“That’s an alligator replica. That’s not a real alligator.”

“I never said it was alive! I’m not stupid.”

“That is so a lie also. A lie of omission.”

“Excuse me… that is not one of the rules.”

“I’m making up the rules. I say you broke the no lies of omission rule.”

“Sore loser.”

“Fine. Okay. Roy – ”

“Nope. New rule. No mentioning exes.”

 “Okay. Hmm. I was a Girl Scout. My favorite number is eight. The first time I knew I loved drawing was in kindergarten. And I once had a pet snake.”

“Wow, at the beginning of this, I would have said snake. But, now, not so sure. Girl Scout?”

“Right. Never was. Didn’t see the appeal.”

“Free cookies? Thin Mints?”

“Gross. I was all about the Tagalongs myself.”

“Okay, let’s see. My turn, right?”

“Right.”

“Okay. I used to think I could play basketball professionally. I once ate an entire apple. I once laughed at ‘that’s what she said.’ I cut my sister’s hair while she was asleep.”

“You cut your sister’s hair? While she was asleep?”

“Yep. She didn’t like that very much.”

“Why?”

“She was annoying me. I don’t remember. It was forever ago.”

“And what would she say if I asked her about it?”

“Moving on…. You still have to guess the lie.”

“Okay, basketball… apple… that’s what she said. Please, let it be that’s what she said.”

“Nope. I did laugh. Before Michael, in college. Never again though.”

“So, which is it? Apple or basketball?”

“Basketball. Never really thought about playing pro.”

“Really? So, the apple thing is true… you even ate the seeds?”

“No, course not. I didn’t want an apple tree in my stomach.”

“Jim, it wouldn’t have grown into anything.”

“I was nine. I didn’t know that.”

“Such a dork.”

“I’m rubber and you’re glue…”

“What are you? Eight?”

“Oh like you didn’t just say that yesterday, Beesly.”

“Completely different.”

“Oh yeah, how.”

“Because.”

“Great comeback.”

“Better than rubber and glue?”

“I love you.”

“Dork”

“Not this again...”