June 5, 2009

Pam walked out of the bathroom that morning, clouded in a nervous euphoria. She still couldn’t believe what she had seen – five times.

“I don’t know why we’re wasting our money on these.” Pam said handing Jim the fifth pregnancy test that she had taken in the past week.

“I want to be sure.” he said with a smile as he took the stick from her.

“I think that we were sure after the second one.” Pam said as she walked past him to the kitchen. He grinned like a little boy as he looked down at the digital “Pregnant” written in the display box of the test. He could have her take five more and still feel the same exact rush that he had gotten from the first positive test.

Jim looked up to see Pam standing at the counter with a small container of something in front of her.

“What are you eating?” he asked.

“Whipped cream.” she replied as she grabbed a spoon from the drawer.

“Is that really healthy?” he teased.

“What isn’t healthy about it?” she asked with a smile as she picked the container from the counter to read the nutritional facts listed on the side. “Let’s see here…it’s low in calories, there’s no trans fats, it’s low in carbohydrates…oh, oh, it doesn’t have any calcium in it…” she looked up at Jim quizzically. “Well that’s interesting. So basically, I’m just eating whipped, white water here.” He laughed and shook his head.

“I thought that you said you were going to be healthy.” he said as he watched her lick the whipped topping from the spoon. He wanted to come off as funny – teasing her about what she ate, what she would eat – deep down inside though, he was scared for her and he was scared for himself. Five positive pregnancy tests shouldn’t lie and he was thrilled that he had been at home for each and every single one of them, but the nagging feeling in the back of his mind for false positives and miscarriage before she found out for certain from a doctor plagued his mind.

“Baby wants whipped cream.” she said with a shrug and she giggled as Jim rolled his eyes at her.

“When are we going to know for sure?” he asked.

“That the baby wants whipped cream?” she teased.

“No, that there is a baby.” he said.

“I think that five positive pregnancy tests are pretty damning evidence.” she said. “I don’t even think that I’m a full month here.”

“When are you going to the doctor?” he persisted.

“Monday.” she said. “What kind of an OB/GYN can’t get me in until next Monday, anyway?”

“A good one?” he offered. Pam smiled as she ran her finger around the rim of the open container and ran a line of whipped cream down the slope of Jim’s nose.

“She is good.” Pam said as she leaned in close towards Jim and lightly touched her lips to his before she quickly bobbed her head upwards and licked the whipped topping off of his nose.

“Is my nose tasty?” he asked while he wrapped an arm around her back.

“Delicious.” she replied.

He did enjoy that she seemed to have become a lot happier in the past week. Then again, he figured that happiness could have nothing to do with the positive tests and it could have just been her happiness to have him home with her again.

“Whipped cream and noses aside,” Jim said, a little more seriously, “I really do think that you should eat healthy.”

“Who says we don’t eat healthy?” Pam asked and Jim shrugged.

“I just…I want this one to work.” he said wrapping his other arm around her back.

“It will.” she nodded.

“I don’t want to risk it.” he said and she could hear the sadness of previous failed attempts wavering in his voice. She had grown used to that wavering voice since their attempts to have a child came crashing in around them. Every month, most times before she even had a chance to take a test, she always had to be the one to break it to him that it was another month they hadn’t been successful. Every time she told him, she had to deal with that irresolute voice of sadness say, “Oh…”

“Okay.” she said nodding, trying to pull him into the lighthearted mood she felt. “Fruit and vegetable diet for the next nine months.” He laughed softly and shook his head.

“Not exactly what I meant.” he said.

“I know.” she said quietly as she lifted herself onto her tiptoes and kissed him.

“So you’ll be healthy?” he asked.

“Yes.” she replied.

“And you’ll stop eating whipped cream for breakfast?” he asked with a smile. An exaggerated look of confusion crossed Pam’s face and she sadly nodded. He nearly pulled away from her, but she quickly clasped her hands around his back and held to him tightly.

“I have a question.” she said, smiling.

“Yes?” he asked, bracing himself for the worst.

“Do you think you’ll still be able to wrap your arms around me in eight months?” she replied before she giggled again. He shook his head at her once more and wrapped his arms around her tightly and squeezed.

“I’ll get all my hugs in within the first few months here.” he said as he released her from his grip, “Just in case.”

***

Pam pushed through the front door on Monday afternoon and jumped with surprise when she saw Jim sitting at the counter reading the newspaper.

“You’re home early.” she said as she hung her purse over a hook by the door and walked to the refrigerator.

“I feel really bad.” he said as he looked over the edge of the paper and watched Pam retrieve a bottle of water from the door of the refrigerator.

“About what?” she asked and she turned around.

“Not being with you this afternoon.” he replied. She chucked – or scoffed? – at his comment.

“I’m sure that work was a lot more interesting than being with me at the doctor.” she said.

He smiled and said, “My work is certainly no where near as glamorous as you make it out to be sometimes.”

“Yeah, well…” she paused as she thought about what she was going to say next. “If you’re home early, then why didn’t you come to the appointment with me?”

“I just got home.” he said casually.

She wasn’t upset about him not coming. Actually, she had specifically told him the previous night that she didn’t want him to make a big deal of the doctor’s appointment and she certainly hadn’t wanted him to completely go out of his way to come with her. Though she had wondered what she would have done and how she would have reacted on her own had the outcome of the test not been what it was.

“Anything interesting in there?” she asked nodding towards the newspaper.

“No.” he said. She laughed softly and he looked up at her shaking her head, “What?”

“It’s just that you haven’t asked me what I found out.” she said, she had expected him to bombard her with questions as soon as she had stepped through the door.

“I told you already,” he said, “five positive pregnancy tests don’t lie.”

“Yeah,” she said nodding, “you were right.”

Jim didn’t think that he could feel any happier than he had when he had looked at the “Pregnant” display on the five home pregnancy tests that Pam had taken, but he was wrong. He had desperately tried to quell all of his hope bubbling up inside of him over the past week. He had so many concerns for what could go wrong. He didn’t want to build up all of his hope again like he had the last time only to have everything go horribly awry again.

“So you…you are?” he asked, mentally assuring himself.

“I am.” she replied, grinning from ear to ear.

“For…for certain?” he asked, trying so hard not to let all of his excitement explode out.

“Absolutely, positively for certain.” she replied.

“And this time we’re not…there’s not going to be anything…nothing’s going to happen this time, right?” he asked.

“I certainly hope not.” she replied.

“Oh my god.” he said as he set the paper on the top of the counter and rubbed his eyes as if he were waking up from a dream – an amazing dream, the best dream he had ever had. Now he was the one who felt completely euphoric.

“What?” Pam asked.

“Nothing it’s just…” Jim replied, running his hands down the side of his face. “Wow.”

“Good wow? Or bad wow?” she asked as she nervously chewed on her thumbnail.

“Good wow.” he replied. “Definitely a good wow.” Pam smiled a little wider. “It’s just…the five tests last week, I knew but now…now I know. And…”

“Yeah.” she nodded and knew exactly what he meant. The five home pregnancy tests may have been some of the most high-tech that one could buy, but nothing beat a doctor’s confirmation of the fact.

“I’m going to be a dad.” he said nodding and she clasped her hands together in front of her. There was no way she would be able to wipe the smile from her face now. She had always told people – her co-workers, her friends, her mother – that Jim would make an excellent father, but now…now she was starting to picture it in her mind. She could imagine a less business-like Jim in her mind – family-man Jim. They would have a son or a daughter and they could spend the weekends away from the city. There would be cute family birthdays and Christmases. Up until now she had never really pictured herself and Jim as the “domestic family unit”, but here it was all starting to formulate within her mind.

“Yeah you are.” she said biting down on her lower lip as if that would stop all of the hopeful images that were flooding her mind. She knew that things could still go wrong. She was barely even a month pregnant – she would have to wait two more months before she could feel completely certain.

“Oh my god!” he exclaimed as he jumped up and rushed around to the other side of the counter and scooped her up in his arms. She was a little surprised by his enthusiasm, but she wholeheartedly welcomed it. She giggled as he kissed her all over her cheeks, the slight stubble from not shaving that morning tickling her sensitive skin.

“This is just the best news that I’ve received all week.” he said as he kissed her left cheek, “No, all month.” He kissed her forehead quickly and loosened his grip around her shoulders.

She nodded enthusiastically and took a deep breath. This was finally happening. Jim seemed utterly thrilled that he was going to be a father and that made Pam’s heart swell with joy. She felt completely speechless. She couldn’t have asked for a better reaction.

“I love you.” Jim said quickly, breaking Pam away from the thoughts that she couldn’t express in words.

She smiled a genuine smile, nodded and said the only words that her mind would let allow her to say, “I love you too.”