September 28, 2009

“I can tell you the sex right now if you’re interested.” the nurse said as she held the transducer of the ultra sound machine against a spot on Pam’s stomach.

Pam glanced over towards Jim, then her gaze went back to the nurse and again back to Jim before she said, “No.”

“No?” Jim asked looking at the black and white image that was on the screen next to him. He certainly wasn’t going to be able to decipher the picture on his own, that was for certain.

“I don’t want to know.” Pam said quietly, but firmly.

“But…” he stammered. Pam felt kind of bad for Jim – she knew that he had wanted to know the sex of the baby since…well, since they first realized that she was pregnant. However, they had talked about it, and they had finally decided that all that was important was knowing that their baby was healthy, and they knew that they would be happy with whatever the gender was.

“Jim, we talked about this already.” she said calmly as the nurse continued to move the instrument around Pam’s belly more.

“I know but…” he sighed. “It’s right there!” He tapped on the screen and the nurse shot him a cold glare before he continued, “It’s just…wouldn’t you like to know? Isn’t there a little, teensy bit of anticipation to know if we’re having a boy or a girl?”

“I’d rather be surprised.” she said with a shrug.

“It could be a surprise right now.” he suggested and Pam smiled, holding back a giggle.

“It will make twenty hours of labor that much more exciting though.” the nurse said with a knowing smile.

“See?” Pam said. “Perfectly valid point!” She quickly made a face registering what the nurse had just said. “Twenty hours?”

“Okay.” Jim said nodding and he quickly turned towards the nurse standing next to him. “Just tell me. C’mon, whisper it in my ear.”

“Jim!” Pam exclaimed with a grin. “You and I both know that you would not be able to keep the sex of our baby a secret for the next four and a half months.”

“My lips would be sealed.” he said running his finger against his lips.

“Not going to happen.” Pam said before her gaze turned back towards the nurse. “Just tell us, is everything going well?”

“Everything is going perfectly.” the nurse said with a wide smile. “In a few months you will be happy to know that you will be the proud mother and father of a very, very healthy baby.”

“Baby…” Jim said slyly, trying to get the nurse to reveal the gender.

“Perfectly healthy baby.” the nurse said with a nod.

“You two are in on this together, I know it.” Jim teased as his eyes darted back and forth between Pam and the nurse. Pam giggled and playfully hit his shoulder.

“In any case.” the nurse said looking back towards the machine, “I’m just about done here. I’ll get this printed up for the two of you and you’ll be on your way shortly.”

***

Jim and Pam sat in a somewhat awkward silence the first few blocks back home from the doctor’s appointment. Jim felt like an important milestone in the pregnancy had been completely evaded and ignored. Didn’t every parent want to know the sex of their first child during that second ultrasound? He knew that he and Pam had spoken about it beforehand and they had both agreed that waiting until the birth would be the big moment that they would find out, but he couldn’t help himself; a part of him just felt empty from it all. Pam on the other hand was perfectly content about the results from the ultrasound. She had a feeling already of what the sex of the baby might be and she was willing to stick with that gut instinct of hers – it had gotten her this far in life, she really had no reason to doubt it at this point. At the end of the day, all that Pam wanted as to know that she was going to be giving birth to a healthy baby and everything that she had been told at the appointment confirmed that. She could sense that Jim was harboring some resentment towards hers – no, their – decision. She didn’t want to start a fight about it now though.

“I have bad news.” Jim said quietly, breaking their long silence.

“Bad news?” Pam asked, turning towards him, her eyebrows raised.

“And good news.” he replied.

“Well, one always follows the other.” she said, cracking a small smile which wasn’t entirely returned back to her.

“I’m serious.” he said.

“I’m sure you are.” she said calmly. “Are you going to tell me this news or am I going to have to play a guessing game with you?”

He sighed and looked down at his hands folded together in his lap, “Why didn’t we find out the sex of the baby?”

“Not now.” Pam groaned as she completely turned her gaze away from him and stared out the window.

“I just want to know why.” he said. “I thought everyone wanted to know the sex of their baby when they got a chance to finally find out.”

“I just want to be surprised is all.” she said. “I don’t know how much more there is to it than that.” She turned back towards Jim’s gaze. “Can we drop the subject now?”

“Fine.” he said quietly.

Another awkward silence passed and she was the one to speak up this time, “What’s your news?”

“I have another business trip coming up.” he said quietly – so quietly Pam was certain that she had misheard him.

“I’m sorry, what?” she asked. “I could have sworn that you just said you have another business trip that you’re going on.”

“I do.” he said quietly, his gaze fixated on his lap.

“But…” her mind raced and her breath started to quicken. He had promised her that he wouldn’t take any business trips during her pregnancy that took him anywhere outside of a five-hour drive. It had been one of Pam’s most demanding requests within the course of their marriage, but it was also one of them that she felt most strongly about.

“I really didn’t want to bring it up today.” he said, a pained expression written across his face.

“Well…” she stumbled over the words that she wanted to say and the words that she should say, “where are you going?”

“Australia.” he said in a voice not much louder than a whisper.

“What?” she asked, her face registering a look of horror, shock, anger and sadness.

“I know,” he replied, “and like always, I’m the only person in the entire company that has ever worked with these people. I don’t know how they do this to me.”

“When are you going?” she asked nervously, her hands twisting together in her lap.

“In uh…January.” he replied.

“When in January?” Pam asked, feeling like she was about ready to cry.

“Mid-January.” he replied.

She took a deep breath and stared out the window for a block, not saying a single thing before she finally turned to him again and felt herself break her hard, confident outer shell.

“Damn it, Jim! Damn it, damn it, damn it!” she cried loudly, causing the cab driver to give her a look of slight surprise – she had been so quiet the entire ride so far.

“I know, I’m sorry.” Jim said quietly, shaking his head.

“You know how close you’re cutting it, don’t you?” she asked incredulously. “You know that that is when I’m going to need you around the most, right?”

“Yes, I know.” he replied, not daring to meet her gaze.

“And you couldn’t go earlier?” she asked.

“And miss your birthday?” he asked.

“Or maybe…next month?” she answered for him. “Or hell, even in March or sometime after the baby has come.”

“And leave you all alone to take care of the baby for a week?” he asked. “I think we both know that we’re going to be up to our necks in trying to take care of a child for the first few months.”

Pam nodded thoughtfully, though she was still infuriated with the prospect of Jim being gone for a week towards the last few weeks of her pregnancy.

“Anyway.” Jim continued, “I couldn’t go afterwards.”

“Let me guess, your deadline is Valentine’s Day.” she said sarcastically.

“No, the reason why is my good news.” he said.

“Hard to believe there’s any good news to all of this.” Pam scoffed.

“There is.” he reassured, placing a tentative hand over hers.

“Well?” she asked expectantly.

“Australia is my last business trip for the next year – at least.” he replied softly.

“What?” Pam asked, her stony expression immediately softening a bit and she bit her lip in anticipation as Jim nodded.

“I have to go mid-January,” he explained, “because starting the first of February I am taking a six month paternity leave.”

Pam’s mouth dropped open and she stared at Jim as if he had just told her he was considering a sex change or something equally as shocking. She couldn’t believe it. She hadn’t even asked him to take a paternity leave from work. Sure, she had fantasized that he might cut back on his hours at work and that he might stick around home for a little longer. But a whole six months?

“Are you working…at all?” she asked nervously.

“Maybe a little from home if they absolutely need me.” he replied with a smile, basking in her reaction to the news.

“So for six months you are…” she said, his words still reeling in her mind.

“I am all yours.” he finished. “And the baby’s.”

“Wow.” she said, nodding along to nothing in particular as what he had just told her starting to settle in her mind.

“Are you still upset about Australia?” he asked nervously.

“Of course.” she replied as the cab rounded the corner to their home. “But suddenly, it doesn’t seem as bad as it did at first.”

“So do you think you’ll be able to deal with it?” he asked hopefully.

The cab stopped in front of their home and Jim quickly paid the driver then helped Pam from the car.

“So?” Jim asked as Pam stood straight and smoothed her hand over the growing curve of her stomach.

She smiled slightly, nodded and responded with, “Yeah, I think I can deal.”