January 22, 2010

Pam looked down into her bowl of broccoli cheddar soup, then the clock on the wall, then the door, then the clock again. Jim was leaving any minute, her mother was arriving any minute and she felt like the baby was going to come at any minute. She worried that the doctors had miscalculated her due date. Her due date – as calculated by her doctor – was February 12. She felt like she had already missed it by a week.

She had been on her maternity leave since Christmas and she really did hope the baby came soon so she had something to occupy more of her time with. She and Jim had finished decorating the spare bedroom so it would look more like a child’s room. They had agreed that the baby would sleep in their bedroom for the first few months though. And it worked out well that way because Pam’s mother would be staying with her while Jim was in Australia and they hadn’t needed to move the large bed from the room.

Pam just felt bored during the past couple of months. She drew a lot and she painted a lot, but she couldn’t do that all hours of the day. She hated going anywhere too far from home because it had either been too cold or she had gotten too tired too early and she didn’t want to worry about walking many, many blocks back home.

Unfortunately, the restrictions that she put on herself left her cooped up at home a lot of the time. Sure, Jim was spending less and less time working – which she was very thankful of – but there were only so many things that a woman as pregnant as she was could do throughout the day. Most of the time she usually found herself taking long naps in the middle of the afternoon before Jim returned home or she would spend a large chunk of her time on the couch watching re-runs on TV.

“Should I call your mom and see if she’s almost here?” Jim asked as he set his suitcase next to the door.

“I just heard from her about fifteen minutes ago.” Pam replied. “She’s close.”

Jim patted his pockets, double-checking that he had his keys and his wallet before he joined Pam over at their dining room table and sat down next to her.

“I don’t want to leave.” he said shaking his head.

“Yes, but when you get home just think,” she said, “you don’t have to work for a whole six months.”

“It’s like a dream come true!” he exaggerated. He would be glad to be away from work for that long, but a part of him was extremely worried about what was going to happen in his absence. That and he didn’t necessarily think that he was getting a break. He was going to be helping Pam with a baby. As far as he was concerned, a newborn baby was far more tasking than sitting in his office all day reading and responding to e-mails and attending boring meetings.

“You’ll miss it, don’t lie.” Pam said with a smile as she brought a spoonful of soup to her lips and gently blew on the hot liquid.

“A lot less than I’m going to miss you this week.” he said as he watched the spoon disappear in her mouth. He had so many desires that revolved around that mouth right now…watching her eat soup was only going to make them worse.

“You’re thinking about me again.” she said with a wry smile as she ran her tongue along the spoon.

“No I’m not.” he said as he looked away – out the living room window.

“I’m sorry.” she said quietly.

“What?” he asked, turning back towards her.

“I said I’m sorry.” she replied, a little louder.

“For what?” he asked.

“For the lack of…” she replied, “you know…both in the past month and the couple of weeks ahead of us.”

“I’ll survive.” he said as he watched her take in another spoonful of soup and he felt his face flush slightly.

“You realize I’m not going to have much energy for that…after.” she said.

“I know.” he said nodding, and he did know. He had heard stories from men – and women – that he worked with who had told him about the complete and utter lack of any sexual relationship for long periods of time after the birth of a baby. It certainly wasn’t a possibility that he was looking forward to – at all – but he figured that it couldn’t be the absolute worst thing that could happen. Though the thought of not being intimate with Pam for three months, six months, a year or more certainly did shock him with a certain jolt of fear.

“We could, you know.” she said, gazing at him longingly as she crumbled a cracker into her bowl of soup.

“No.” he said shaking his head.

“Why not?” she asked.

“For one,” he replied, “your mother is probably outside our front door right now…”

Pam didn’t immediately speak as she waited for the sound of their doorbell, “Doesn’t sound like it.”

“For two,” he continued, “I really, really don’t want to risk anything.”

“Like what?” she asked with an amused expression on her face.

“Like…early labor.” he replied.

“It would make you stick around though, wouldn’t it?” she teased. He shot her another longing glance and she quickly turned to the bowl in front of her again. She couldn’t take that stare of his for much longer. Every time she saw it she felt bad, or she felt the desperate desire to be with him like they had been before she entered the last trimester of her pregnancy.

“I’m sorry.” he said, realizing again what the look of his did to her.

“It’s fine.” she said grabbing another cracker from the plate in front of her and crumbling it into the soup.

“So you have my phone numbers?” he asked.

“Numbers?” she asked in reply.

“Hotel phone, cell phone, emergency cell phone.” he replied.

“Why can’t I just call your cell phone if there’s an emergency?” she asked.

“Because the only phone I’m going to have during my meetings is the emergency phone.” he replied.

“I don’t know what kind of emergency you’re expecting, here.” she said with a smile. He glanced towards her with a serious look on her face and she immediately looked away from him and quietly muttered, “I have all the numbers.”

“Okay.” he said as he nodded.

“Jim, you can leave if you need to.” she said, glancing back towards the clock.

“I want to wait until your mom gets here.” he said.

“I think that I’ll be fine for ten or fifteen minutes on my own.” she said.

“I just…I don’t want to leave yet.” he said.

“Okay.” she shrugged, trying to be nonchalant about it. Really though, she didn’t want him to leave. In the past week, she had convinced herself that Jim going to Australia wasn’t that big of a deal and everything would be fine in his absence. Deep down though, she worried. She hadn’t been the one to suggest the emergency cell phone – that had been his idea – but she had definitely egged him on about the idea. She had finally pulled herself into the state of mind where she could joke about the little things that bothered her. Unfortunately, it seemed that Jim would not have any of it.

Jim reached for a cracker on the plate in front of Pam and silently, slowly ate it until he – and Pam – was startled out of their thoughts by the ringing of their doorbell.

“That’s my mom.” Pam said pushing herself away from the table and going to stand up.

“I’ll get it,” he said, “you sit.”

“I can get it.” she said standing. Jim marveled at her body every time that she stood. She really had not gained any more weight than the baby during her pregnancy. As far as he was concerned, she looked almost exactly the same as she always had – same arms, same legs, and same face – but her stomach was huge. He was amazed at how well she could carry the weight that was centered there and he was impressed even further about how little she complained about the things that he heard pregnant women usually complain about.

She smiled at Jim as she walked past him and quickly weaved her fingers through his hair before she made it to the door. He watched her as she placed a hand over her heavy stomach and slipped around the doorway.

“Mom!” he heard her exclaim as the very front door opened.

“My goodness Pam! Look at you!” he heard her mother cry and he could picture Pam’s mother placing both hands over Pam’s stomach much in the same way that he did every morning before he left for work and every evening that he returned home.

“Why didn’t you let Jim get the door for me?” her mother chided, footsteps nearing the door and her voice a bit louder.

“He’ll be very happy to hear you ask that.” Pam said as she winked at Jim while walking around the frame of the door.

“Hi Mrs. Beesly.” Jim said from his seat at the dining room table.

“You’re still here!” she exclaimed as she set her bag down by the door and rushed towards Jim’s seated position and threw her arms around his neck.

“I wouldn’t leave until you got here.” Jim said. Pam’s mother beamed a wide smile and leaned against the table where Jim was seated as Pam walked back to where she had been seated beforehand and continued to eat her soup and crackers.

“So you’re going to Australia, are you?” Pam’s mother asked.

“Unfortunately, yes.” he replied nodding. “And…” he looked up at the wall clock, “I really need to leave.”

“I’ll leave you two alone.” her mother said with a wink in Pam’s direction.

“Up the stairs to the right,” Pam said, “it’s the pastel yellow room with baby decorations…” she paused, “it’s all ready for you.”

She watched as her mother stood again, walked to her bags and headed up the stairs.

“So you’re leaving now?” she asked as she turned to Jim.

“I really have to.” he replied. “If I don’t get there on time…well…I have a meeting to go to as soon as I arrive that I really can’t miss.”

“I know.” Pam said, nodding. She watched Jim stand and she quickly joined him at his side.

“I wish you could go with me.” he said as he pulled her into his arms and softly kissed her on the forehead.

“So do I.” she said, tilting her head up and resting her chin near his shoulder.

“You’ll be okay?” he asked.

“I’ll be absolutely fine.” she replied with a smile. “Do you want me to walk you out?”

“No, stay inside.” he said as he wrapped his arms all the way around her back.

“Hey.” she giggled.

“What?” he asked.

“You can still fit your arms all the way around me.” she grinned.

“We’ll see about that when I get back.” he teased. She laughed again before she stood on her tiptoes and pressed her lips against his.

“I’ll miss you.” she said quietly, taking a step back and allowing him to pick up his bags that sat next to the door.

“You too.” he said bending forward and kissing her once more. “I love you.” He placed his free hand on the top of her large belly and looked down, “I love you too.”

“You have everything?” she asked as she looked down at his suitcase.

“Yes.” he replied.

“Have a safe trip.” she said, kissing him on the cheek. “I love you too.” She gave him a meek wave as he walked out the door and once she saw him walk down the steps leading down to the sidewalk, she turned around and walked back inside their home.

She heard her mother starting her way back down the staircase and she smiled weakly before she returned to the dining room table and sat down in front of her – now cold – soup.

“Sad?” her mother asked as she took a seat next to her daughter. Pam shrugged and grabbed a cracker from the plate in front of her.

“He’ll be back in a week.” she replied.

“A week might be too long.” her mother said. Pam met her mother’s gaze with a quizzical look to which her mother said, “How many more weeks do you have left?”

“My due date is the twelfth of next month.” she said.

Her mother opened her mouth to say something, but she quickly stopped before she could say another word.

“What?” Pam asked, noticing the hesitation from her mother.

“Nothing,” her mother replied, shaking her head, “it’s just that when I looked that way with you and your sister…you both were born in about a week’s time.”