April 16, 2010

Pam lifted up Amelia’s jumper to change her diaper and groaned. She quickly covered Amelia’s ears and muttered a few curses before removing her hands from the sides of her daughter’s head and she made quick work of the dirty diaper.

Jim quickly snuck up behind Pam and tickled at her sides as she pinned one side of the diaper closed. Pam squealed loudly in surprise and stepped aside, her brow knitting together in frustration as Jim pushed her out of the way and started cooing at Amelia.

“How is my little Mia-Melia doing?” he asked as he tickled Amelia’s tummy.

“Jim, you need to learn how to fasten her diapers right.” Pam replied in an irritated tone as she stepped aside from the changing table and handed Jim a teddy bear diaper pin.

“What do you mean ‘right’?” he asked. “All the…everything stays inside, doesn’t it? She isn’t leaking. I don’t know what isn’t ‘right’ about that.”

“You’re not fastening them tight enough,” she insisted, “you have to pin the diapers closer to her legs.”

“I don’t know, it always looks fine to me.” he said with a shrug and pinned the teddy bear pin through the other side of Amelia’s diaper.

“Oh sure.” she said, rolling her eyes. “You do it fine when I’m watching.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” he said, patting the baby on her stomach and grinning down at her. “She’s fine. If anything, I’m just allowing her little legs and little bum to breathe a little better.”

“Fine,” she said, throwing her hands down to her sides, “but if she starts to poo all over you don’t come crying to me about it.”

He dropped Amelia’s jumper back around her knees and lifted her from the changing table and followed Pam to the door.

“I’ve been fastening her diapers that way for the past couple months.” he insisted. “If you really have a problem with it, why don’t you just let me use the regular diapers that most normal people buy from the grocery store?”

“Because those irritate her.” Pam argued. “She hasn’t had any problems with diaper rash since the pediatrician suggested trying cloth diapers. I would kind of like to keep things that way.”

“There are other kinds of diapers out there that don’t require pins.” he said. “Why don’t we get some of those?”

Pam shrugged and quickly started walking down the stairs, Jim still followed closely behind her, Amelia giggling and gurgling in his arms.

“Maybe.” she said shortly.

“Is it really bothering you?” he asked, following her into the kitchen and hovering over her from behind as she reached into a box of cookies and grabbed a flower-shaped cookie coated in bright blue frosting.

She shrugged in reply and didn’t turn around as she silently ate.

“I just don’t understand why you haven’t brought it up before now, is all.” he said quietly before leaving her side and walked into the living room. He sat Amelia on his lap, facing him and started to coo at her again, loving each little giggle and shriek that came from her mouth.

“You like the way I fasten your diapers, don’t you?” he cooed. “Don’t you?” Amelia giggled loudly and clapped her hands in front of her once. He glanced over his shoulder and commented, “See? Amelia doesn’t mind!” He wasn’t expecting the seething glance that he received from Pam in reply and he immediately silenced himself and turned back to the baby. He nodded, “We shouldn’t talk about this anymore.” he said in a whisper to the little girl.

***

Jim left the house the latter part of the afternoon. Pam was delighted to have him out of her hair for a few hours, but the fact that he left, left her alone with the baby…again…it really only made her foul mood worse.

She had just gotten Amelia to sleep when she heard the front door open and close and she knew that Jim was finally home. She figured that he would spot the food from her dinner that she had left for him on the counter and he would be a few minutes before he came up to say his goodnights to their daughter.

Pam gently laid the baby in her crib and grabbed the small stuffed koala she normally tucked in near Amelia’s side every evening. However, for whatever reason, the koala made her angry this evening. Instead of tucking Coco – the koala – near Amelia she furiously turned around and was surprised to see Jim standing casually in the doorframe. All the while, she had the stuffed animal gripped tightly in her hand.

“Hey, I have a…” he began before he was cut off by Pam.

“Where were you?” she asked in an angry, hushed voice.

“I got you somethi…” he paused and noticed Coco the koala in her fist. “What are you doing with Coco, there? Did Mia-Melia get it ucky again?”

“We can’t let her sleep with this.” she said angrily.

“But she’s been…” he stammered, but was soon caught completely off-guard as Pam hurled the stuffed animal at him and he caught it against his stomach and stared at her wide-eyed and completely shocked.

“Babies shouldn’t sleep with anything, Jim.” she lectured. “If she rolls over in her sleep, she could suffocate on a stuffed animal. Jim, she could suffocate! Do you want our daughter to die of suffocation?”

His mouth dropped open and he stammered incoherently before lamely stating, “Well, no.”

“Okay, good, then we’re agreed.” she said, pushing past him and walking out into the hallway.

“What the hell has gotten into you?” Jim asked, rather suddenly, joining Pam outside of the bedroom door. If they were going to argue, at least they could argue out in the hall where they wouldn’t wake the baby Pam had just gotten to sleep.

“What the hell has gotten into you?” she spat right back at him.

“No.” he said firmly. “You first.” He shook the koala bear in front of her angrily, “Amelia has slept with this since the day she was born. She’s three months old and you’re worried about this now?”

“It’s a valid concern, Jim.” she said.

“No.” he said simply, shaking his head as he incredulously stared at her.

“No?” she asked. “No?!”

He shook his head, a hurt expression written across his facial features. He held the koala bear out towards Pam and her face immediately dropped, the realization of what she had done hitting her hard.

“Oh my god.” she said, quickly covering her mouth and her gaze traveled to the floor.

“Will you tell me what’s wrong?” he asked quietly.

“I’m so sorry.” she replied in a whisper taking Coco and walking back into the room to Amelia’s crib.

Once she tucked the stuffed animal in the crib with the baby, she turned to face Jim again.

“I wasn’t thinking.” she said, shaking her head.

“It’s okay.” he said with a weak smile.

She knew that the koala bear, to Jim, was almost like an extension of him. Pam spent so much time with the baby all day that he didn’t quite feel like he was the best father that he could be. He wanted to spend more time with Amelia, but there were only so many things that a father could do with his three month old daughter. And unfortunately, most of the things that he did – like changing her diapers – Pam was usually able to find something to nitpick about. The koala was the one thing that he had done perfectly and when the baby slept with the animal at night…in an odd way, Jim felt like she was sleeping with a part of him.

“So what’s wrong?” he asked quietly, stepping away from the crib, back towards the door in case voices were raised again.

“No, it’s…silly.” she said, shaking her head, following him out the door.

“So silly that you’re throwing stuffed animals at me and accusing me of conspiring against our own daughter?” he teased, though as soon as he said it, he regretted it.

She sighed and rubbed her hands against her eyes, then brushed some of the stray strands of hair off of her forehead.

“I feel kind of trapped.” she said quietly, though she wasn’t speaking softly on account of the sleeping baby. She really felt quite apprehensive about saying it.

“How long have you felt ‘trapped’?” he asked.

Pam laughed shortly – sarcastically, a little bitterly, “Since before Amelia was born.”

Jim frowned, he should have noticed it sooner and he felt kind of awful that it wasn’t immediately clear until she had said so.

“But what can I do about it?” she continued. “It’s not like I can just up and leave for a day.”

“Why not?” he asked.

“Um…” she replied and pointed to her chest, “these?”

He chuckled and shook his head, “I believe there is this fancy new invention called ‘the bottle’. Actually! I think that we have several downstairs in the kitchen.”

“Don’t patronize me.” she said with a weak smile.

“Sorry.” he said looking towards the floor.

“No, it’s just…” she said, “I know that we have bottles and I know that we have barely even used them but…I don’t know, I feel bad leaving her alone for more than a few hours.”

“You don’t think that I can take care of her?” Jim asked. He felt like it needed to be asked – no matter how dangerous the question might be.

“No! No, not at all!” she immediately replied. “I just…I don’t know. It’s totally irrational.”

“Okay.” he said nodding. “What will make you feel a little better?”

“A day out?” she asked apprehensively.

“With who?” he asked.

“You want me to say you.” she replied with a smile.

“It can be me,” he said, shrugging, “it can be Phyllis, it can be Kelly. Hell, it can be Dwight if you really want to spend the day with him.”

She quickly shook her head, “No. I definitely do not want to spend the day with Dwight.”

“Then…” he prompted.

“I don’t know.” she said. “Maybe I just need a day to myself. Go off and paint in the park or something.”

He nodded and said, “I think it’s a great idea. Whatever you may decide.”

“Thanks.” she said, smiling, feeling much better than she had only minutes earlier. “So speaking of going out and about…where were you all evening?”

“Shopping.” he replied.

“Yeah right.” she said, smiling.

“No, I’m serious.” he said as he walked towards the stairs and beckoned her to follow him. They walked down the stairs together and she noticed a large bag from her favorite baby boutique in the city sitting near the sofa.

“You did not.” she said with a grin, as she watched him walk to the bag.

“Since you put up such a fight about the diapers.” he said, sitting on the couch and reaching into the bag. “Come here.”

She quickly joined him on the sofa and watched him expectantly as he pulled a couple of items wrapped in tissue paper from the bag.

“Diapers.” he said, handing her a small pack of cloth diapers.

“We have plenty of diapers.” she stated lamely.

“Ah, yes,” he said nodding, “but these are not like the rest. These do not require pins! You are currently holding the Velcro diapers.”

“There are more?” she asked with a smile.

“Oh yes.” he replied, grabbing another pack of diapers from the bag and setting them in her lap.

She giggled loudly as she looked at the colorful diapers that he withdrew from the bag.

“Okay.” she said holding up the diaper that looked more like a stuffed animal than anything else. “This? This is the cutest diaper I’ve ever seen.”

“I thought you’d enjoy that.” he said, grinning. “And the best part? No pins! They snap closed.”

She smiled and wrapped her arms around his shoulders and kissed him on the cheek.

“You’ve done a perfectly good job at pinning her diapers.” she said.

“Well…” he contemplated, “now I never have to worry about it again.”

She laughed, “No, I guess not.” She ran her hand over the soft fleece in her lap. “Thanks.”

“Thanking me for diapers.” he said shaking his head. “You really need to get out more.”

She laughed once more, “Yeah…yeah, I do.”