January 3, 2008

Pam stared out the window as she sat at her desk. She absentmindedly tapped the point of her stylus pen against the top of the computer drawing tablet that Jim had given to her for a birthday present.

***

She hadn’t even known what the device was when she opened it. She had grinned and thanked him after she tore off the gift wrap – she wouldn’t have done otherwise. She hadn’t really asked for anything for Christmas or her birthday, so when she was showered with gifts from Jim, she was a little surprised. The tablet though – that really came out of nowhere.

“You don’t know what it is.” he had said with a smile tugging at the corners of his lips as she stared down at the box in her lap.

“No, no! I uh…” she had looked up at him with a defeated, weak smile and said, “No, I have no idea. I’m really sorry.”

He had laughed softly and then jumped up from the large armchair in the living room and sat himself next to Pam on the sofa.

“It’s this device that lets you draw on the computer.” he said.

“Oh! Like Paint!” she exclaimed, though she didn’t really understand why she needed the gadget. She had always done perfectly well with her mouse.

He had laughed again, turned the box over in her lap and said, “No, no, well…not quite, this is a bit more high-tech than Paint. This allows you to actually draw pictures on the computer. You take the special pen, and you draw on the tablet, like you would in real life.” Pam had nodded along, liking the strange device more and more as he explained it. “So let’s say that you want to draw a picture of me. You draw me well. Instead of drawing a really goofy looking image with the mouse on Paint, you could actually sketch out my portrait just the way it would look on paper – but on the computer!”

“That is too cool!” Pam squealed.

“I thought that you’d like it,” Jim said happily. “And you know, it could come in handy sometime. You could illustrate with it if you ever want to. Create an online picture book maybe? ‘Children’s Illustrations by Pam Beesly-Halpert’.”

***

The memory made her smile. When she went to sleep that night, she had thought about the countless possibilities that awaited her with the drawing tablet. So far, in the past couple days, it was rendered useless – she couldn’t bring herself to do anything with it. She had a million ideas in her head for illustrations; currently, she was being asked to illustrate a 21st century fairytale – modern day look at Rapunzel. She just couldn’t bring herself to put the ideas in her head down on paper, or the computer. Her mind seemed to be elsewhere all the time; everywhere and nowhere. Currently, she was spending her minutes and hours at work staring out the window and watching the snow or looking down at the people walking along the city sidewalks.

“I went to Cornell!” Andy exclaimed loudly before slamming his desk telephone down at the receiver, ending whatever call he had placed.

The outburst startled Pam back to the working world and she looked over towards Andy’s desk with a frightened look on her face. She was beginning to learn that Andy was a rather odd gentleman to work with. Within the first week and a half, she had learned that he had an incredible affinity for his alma mater – Cornell – as it seemed to be his defense tactic for anyone he spoke with. She had also learned that he greatly enjoyed making up nicknames for everyone that worked on their floor. In the first few days at work, he had dubbed Pam, “Pamcasso”, because she was the predominant illustrator. Her favorite nickname, however, was Phyllis’. Andy called Phyllis “Knitarella” most of the time because Phyllis knit all the time while she was at work.

“Hey! Pamcasso!” Andy exclaimed looking over towards Pam, still somewhat stuck in a daydream.

“What?” Pam asked, her head shooting back over in his direction.

“You like my writing, yes?” he asked.

“You’re…you’re not a writer, Andy.” she replied.

“But you like the things I write.” he stated.

“Like…what?” she asked.

“The little poems and songs I leave for you.” he replied with a smile. Pam shot a glance towards Phyllis who flashed a smile towards her and quickly turned back to her desk.

“Poems and songs?” Pam asked.

“Oh don’t play coy, you know you love them.” Andy replied with a wink. Pam’s eyes widened and she turned back to her computer screen. She saw that the absentminded clicking of the stylus on the top of the drawing tablet had made a bunch of black dashes on the monitor.

“I really have no idea what you’re talking about.” Pam said as she trashed the document on her screen and opened a new one.

“What about the little post-it I left on your Coke can yesterday?” Andy asked incredulously.

“What?” she asked, shaking her head at him and narrowing her eyes.

“You laughed at it, you definitely laughed at it.” he replied.

“What did it even say?” Pam asked.

“It said, ‘Pamcasso. Your can is hot. Probably because it’s been sitting on your desk. Put that can in the refrigerator’.” he replied. Her eyes widened and she covered her mouth so he wouldn’t see her giggle. If there was one other thing that she had learned about Andrew Bernard in the past month of working at the company, it was that he could be a bit short-tempered sometime.

“I do not remember that.” Pam said, still covering her mouth.

“I don’t think that’s even a poem.” Phyllis interjected as she looked up from a stack of papers in front of her.

“Anything can be a poem.” Andy defended. Pam stifled another giggle and smiled earnestly in Andy’s direction.

“I appreciate the thought, Andy.” she said warmly. He seemed content with her statement and with that, he turned back to the work on his desk and allowed Pam to drift back into her dreamy haze again.

***

“I can’t concentrate!” Pam exclaimed loudly as Jim walked through the front door of their home that evening.

“I just said ‘hello’.” he said meekly as he dropped his bag and tentatively approached her on the couch.

“Oh,” she said, turning her head and gazing into his eyes, “hey.”

“Hi,” he said, leaning over the back and kissing her quickly on the lips. “Now what about concentration?”

“I can’t concentrate.” she repeated, quieter this time.

“What are you doing?” he asked, looking down at her empty hands and her empty lap.

“Nothing right now.” she replied.

“Nothing?” he asked.

“Nothing.” she repeated.

“What…what were you doing before I walked through the door?” he asked, his voice wavering with a bit of concern. She paused and looked in the direction of the window, then back towards Jim.

“Nothing.” she replied after a moment of hesitation.

“So…you were just staring out the window?” he asked. She nodded slowly. “Are you feeling okay?” She paused again and her forehead wrinkled.

“I stared at snow falling outside of the window for like, an hour today.” she said quietly.

“Pam?” Jim asked.

“What?” she replied, her attention snapping back towards Jim again.

“Are you feeling okay?” he questioned again.

“I’m feeling fine,” she said with a bob of her head. “I guess I’m just sort of…lost in my thoughts.”

He nodded slowly, peeled his coat off of his shoulders and quickly changed the subject, “So I have good news and bad news.” he said.

“Good news and bad news?” she asked. “Which do I want first?”

“The good.” he replied.

“Okay, what’s the good news?” she asked excitedly.

“My meeting today about the position for vice president went very well,” he replied. Pam’s face brightened immediately. “But they haven’t quite made their final decision.”

“Well that wasn’t that bad of news.” Pam stated.

“Oh no, that’s not the bad news,” he said quickly. “The bad news is that…” he sighed, “I have to leave you for a few days next week.”

“What? Why?” she asked.

“They uh…they want me to go out to San Francisco for something,” he replied with a shrug. “Test me out with the other side of the country, I guess.”

“You have to?” she pouted.

“Well, if I was otherwise incapacitated, I think that they could do a phone conference,” he said, “but since I’m fully capable of making the trip, I don’t think I have much of a choice.”

“What a bummer.” she said looking down into her lap.

His heart fell slightly as he watched her eyes travel down to her lap and he saw her face fall. He quickly skipped around to the other side of the couch and sat down next to her and wrapped an arm around her shoulder.

“Hey, hey,” he said, a finger tracing the curve of her jaw. “It will be like, five days tops.”

“I don’t want you to go though.” she said quietly.

“Why not?” he asked. “You want me to get this, don’t you?”

“Yes, I want you to get it,” she replied, “and I don’t know why I don’t want you to leave…my mind is just…weird right now, I guess.”

“Okay,” he said, hugging her close. “I would think that you would be sick of spending so much time with me by now.”

“Are you sick of me?” Pam asked as she quickly pulled away and looked at Jim wide-eyed.

“No! No, absolutely not!” he exclaimed with a smile as he pulled her against his chest again and wrapped his arms tightly around her shoulders. “Are you sure you’re feeling okay?” She exhaled loudly against his chest and closed her eyes quickly.

“I’m fine,” she said quietly. She smiled and pulled away from Jim’s embrace and sat up straight. “Absolutely, I’m fine. I probably…it was probably just something that I ate for lunch.”