August 20, 2008

“Wow Pam, you look really hot today.” Andy said as Pam trudged through the door of the office.

“Quiet, Andy,” she said bitterly, “I’m not in the mood.”

“No, I mean, you look really sweaty,” he corrected, “did you walk here today?”

“No, I took the subway.” she said as she wiped the back of her hand against her forehead. She sat down at her desk and the back of her chair hit the window. She watched as Andy nervously jumped in his seat and she leaned forward to turn on her computer.

“You should have walked, it’s better for you.” Andy said.

“I thought the subway would be cooler for some reason.” she said. “Of course, nothing is cool when you’re stuck between two overweight brothers who are having a great time talking about all the ladies they scored at some club last night.” Pam glanced around her desk towards Phyllis who immediately made a disgusted face and turned back to her computer. “See, Phyllis knows what I’m talking about.”

“Well next time, maybe you should call me and I can give you a lift to work.” Andy said with a grin.

“Andy, you don’t have a car.” both Pam and Phyllis stated without even looking up at him.

“Yes, but I do have a scooter.” Andy stated proudly and he protectively ran his hand over the handlebars of the scooter sitting next to his desk.

“I think I’ll have to pass.” Pam said. “I’m not even sure how two people could ride a scooter…especially that one.”

“You could hop on my back and…”

“Stop right there, Andy.” Pam said holding up her hand. “No. Just…no.”

“Your loss.” he said with a shrug. Pam, uninterested, nodded and pulled out her drawing tablet and plugged it into the computer’s USB drive. Then Andy continued talking, “But sooner or later, one day, you are going to decide that you need a real man, a man who works with you in this very office and offers you scooter rides and sings you folk songs when you’re feeling down. And you know what? You are going to leave that successful James Halpert and you are going to become Pamcasso Bernard.”

Pam refused to make eye contact with him and instead stared intently into her computer screen. She felt too emotional for this. Jim had only been vice president of his company for three months and he had already gone on two week-long business trips far away. Currently, she hadn’t seen Jim in a week – he was in London on business – and she hadn’t spoken to him in two days. Normally she could deal with Andy’s crass remarks about how enamored he was by her, but not this morning. She bit her bottom lip hard, but it couldn’t quell the tears in her eyes and she immediately crumpled over her keyboard and started to cry.

“Andy!” Phyllis immediately scolded. “Look at what you did!” She jumped out of her seat and rounded Pam’s desk and wrapped her arms around Pam’s shoulders.

“I’m sorry.” Pam said, immediately wiping tears away from her cheeks as she tried to compose herself. Andy on the other hand, simply turned back towards his computer and didn’t give another glance in Pam’s direction.

“You should be ashamed of yourself, Andy,” Phyllis said, “making Pam cry like this.”

“I only want to love.” Andy said quietly.

“I’m fine, I’m fine.” Pam said, grabbing a handful of Kleenex from the box that sat next to her computer and started dabbing at her eyes.

“It’s Jim, isn’t it?” Phyllis asked quietly, making certain that Andy couldn’t overhear.

“It’s…so many things.” Pam replied.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Phyllis asked. Pam took a deep breath and looked up across their office space at Andy, who was desperately trying not to make eye contact with the two women on the other side of the room.

“Not…here.” Pam said meeting Phyllis’ eyes again.

“Lunch?” Phyllis asked hopefully.

“Yeah.” Pam replied, nodding. “I know just the place, too.”

***

Pam hadn’t been to The Golden Beet since she had quit working there and went to the publishing company full time. She was delighted to see that it hadn’t changed at all, and that all of the friends that she had made while working there were still around.

“Ohmigod! Pam!” a high-pitched voice exclaimed from somewhere behind the bar. A flurry of pink and brown dashed out from behind the corner of the bar and Pam braced herself for the enormous embrace she was about to receive from Kelly.

“Disobeying Dwight’s dress code?” Pam asked as she looked down at Kelly’s bright pink top.

“Ohmigod, Pam, you have no idea how much I have missed you around here.” Kelly started, Pam’s eyes widened and all she could do was stand there and gape in awe as Kelly continued to speak. “You know how you always used to defend me in front of Dwight and Angela? Well, there’s no one to do that now. Since you left, there have been like, three, no, maybe four different girls that have all come and gone. They can’t handle it! No one can handle this place like you did. You were so awesome. Will you come back?”

“I think…I’m happy with my full time job.” Pam said, she had no idea she had been so missed at The Golden Beet.

“Dwight is going to flip when he sees you,” Kelly continued. “I swear, every single person that he’s hired since you, he’s always comparing them to you.” She quickly lowered her voice to imitate Dwight, “Oh, you’re not doing that like Pam used to. You know what? Pam would have dropped those dishes off over there. Pam wouldn’t have dropped that bowl of soup on the customer!”

“I…I had no idea that Dwight was so fond of me.” Pam said, a little taken aback.

“He loved you, Pam.” Kelly said. “Well, not as much as he loves Angela but…”

“Kelly! Sit the customers at a table!” Angela’s voice called from the back.

“But I’m talking to Pam!” Kelly called back.

“Then talk to her while you seat her!” Angela exclaimed. “We have a business to run here!”

“She’s taken over a lot of Dwight’s worst traits.” Kelly said quietly as she rolled her eyes. Pam pursed her lips together tightly to stifle the laugh that was dying to be released and Kelly escorted Pam and Phyllis to a small booth near the bar.

“Okay, so here are your menus.” Kelly said laying out two large menus – the menus had been redesigned since Pam left, “our lunch special today is a BLT with a small beet salad. Everything on the sandwich and the salad comes from the Schrute Farm. I guess they’re having a good growing season or something. Angela will be with you in a few moments.”

Pam opened up her menu and smiled, not immediately noticing the look that Phyllis was giving her. When she finally looked up from her menu with a contented smile, Phyllis was looking at her with a quizzical look on her face.

“What?” Pam asked, the smile fading a little.

“You used to work here?” Phyllis asked.

“Yes,” Pam replied, “and I will say that it was quite the experience.”

“I can see that already.” Phyllis said, trying to hide her smile.

“I’m sorry, I hope it’s not weird dragging you to the place that I used to work,” Pam said, “it’s just…the people that work here were like family to me. They make me happy.” Phyllis nodded. “And I could really use some happiness right about now.”

Phyllis was just about to open her mouth to speak when Angela appeared at the side of the table, “Pam, are just going to have the usual lemon water?”

“Yes.” she nodded.

“And you?” Angela asked, her gaze trailing over towards Phyllis.

“Water is fine, thanks.” Phyllis replied.

“Okay.” Angela set her hands on the table and leaned forward slightly. “The special today is a BLT with a beet side-salad. Everything is fresh and organic. Our soups today are…”

“Oh my god.” Pam said, catching a glimpse of the diamond ring on Angela’s finger.

“What?” Angela asked.

“Are you…” Pam’s gaze went from Angela’s hand to Angela’s face – back and forth twice. “Are you married?”

“Currently engaged.” Angela said in a tone of voice that almost sounded like she was annoyed by Pam’s inquiry. “We’re getting married next summer.”

“Wait, wait.” Pam said with a grin on her face. “You mean…you and…Dwight?”

“No, the milk man.” Angela said sarcastically. “Yes, Dwight. Dwight and I are getting married. We’re engaged to be married. Are you ready to order?”

“Not quite…” Pam and Phyllis both said simultaneously.

“Okay, then I’ll be back in a few minutes.” Angela said as she quickly turned around and briskly walked back to the kitchen.

“I got to ask, Pam.” Phyllis said. “Who is this Dwight?”

Pam smiled and said, “Short answer, he’s the owner and manager of this restaurant. Long answer? Well, we have our entire lunch break for that.”

***

Towards the end of their lunch together, Pam started to feel bad for Phyllis. This being the first time that Pam had been to The Golden Beet in almost a year made their lunch break the time that Kelly, Angela and Dwight caught up with what was going on in Pam’s life. Pam tried to include Phyllis in the conversation as much as possible, but no matter how hard she tried to redirect the conversation, it kept looping back around to topics that were Pam-specific.

Finally, after the table had been cleared, and they were waiting for their check, Pam and Phyllis had a chance to talk like they had intended to earlier in the day.

“So what’s wrong, Pam?” Phyllis immediately questioned once there was no one within earshot.

“Oh it’s just…” Pam waved her hand around like it was waving away her problems, “hormones. It’s just hormones.”

“Come on, Pam,” Phyllis said, “I use that excuse all the time. We women know it’s not ‘just hormones’.”

Pam sighed and wrinkled her nose as her gaze went towards the spoon still left on the table. She started to absentmindedly play with it, avoiding eye contact with Phyllis as she said, “It’s just…it’s Jim.”

“What about Jim?” Phyllis asked.

“I hate that he’s gone.” Pam replied. “This is his second week-long business trip since he got the promotion in June. I think it’s ridiculous.”

“Oh, I know how you feel,” Phyllis said, nodding, “Bobby is away all the time on business.”

“But he’s usually in New Jersey,” Pam said glumly, “Jim is in London. I can’t just hop on a train and go visit my husband.”

“Well, that’s true.” Phyllis said quietly.

“I just…I just wish he was around more often, you know?” Pam said, looking back up at her co-worker. “We haven’t even been married a year yet, and already, I just feel like we’re drifting apart.”

“It’s the baby problem, isn’t it?” Phyllis asked. Phyllis had become Pam’s female confidant since working at the publishing company and as a result, she usually got quite the earful when it came to Jim and Pam’s attempts to conceive.

“Yes…no…” Pam said, first nodding, and then shaking her head. “And he’s gone all the time.”

“Maybe you just need to put it on hold.” Phyllis said. “I mean, you haven’t even been married a year. Get some time to enjoy your lives together – without any further complications. What would happen if you found out you were pregnant today?”

“There’s no way that would happen.” Pam pouted.

“What if you found out you were pregnant today?” Phyllis repeated.

“I would be…happy.” Pam said.

“Would you?” Phyllis asked. “Would you be happy having Jim a couple thousand miles away when you found out? Would you be happy knowing that during your pregnancy, he would be going on business trips every month?” Pam stared at Phyllis, she had never heard her talk like this before.

“I…I don’t know.” Pam stammered nervously.

“Pam, I don’t know Jim,” Phyllis said quietly, “and he seems like a wonderful man from everything that I’ve heard you say.”

“But…” Pam said, knowing she wasn’t finished.

“But…” and Phyllis stopped herself, “I’m sorry, I really shouldn’t. If you two are ready, then you’re ready.”

“No, what?” Pam asked.

“It’s just…do you ever think that maybe you’re too career-oriented right now for a child?” Phyllis asked. Pam blinked twice, thinking.

“I illustrate children’s books.” Pam replied, feeling a bit of nervousness fluttering in her stomach because she started to think that maybe Phyllis was right.

“And what about Jim?” Phyllis asked kindly.

“He’d be a great father,” Pam said quietly, and then she paused and looked at Phyllis sadly, “if he weren’t vice president of his company.”

Phyllis didn’t immediately respond; she didn’t even nod or shake her head. Pam bit her lower lip as she thought a little bit more. She must have had a look on her face like she was going to cry because immediately, Phyllis’ expression changed and her tone softened.

“I’m really sorry, Pam.” Phyllis said, reaching a hand across the table. “I don’t know what came over me just now.”

“No, no, you’re right.” Pam said shaking her head. “I just don’t want us to miss our opportunity, you know?”

“Your opportunity?” Phyllis asked with a smile. “How old are you? Twenty eight?”

“Twenty nine.” Pam corrected.

“Pam, you still have several years ahead of you.” Phyllis said. “Just have fun! If you get pregnant, you get pregnant. And if you don’t? I’m sure that you’ll have a hell of a good time anyway.” Pam giggled at the comment and smiled up at Angela as she set the bill down on the table.

“Thanks.” Pam said, though she wasn’t sure if it was aimed more towards Phyllis or Angela.

“We should probably get back to the office.” Phyllis said looking down at her wrist watch.

“I wonder if Andy’s back yet.” Pam said as she picked up the bill and her purse.

“I saw him carry in one of his instruments today.” Phyllis said.

“Oh no,” Pam said, shaking her head, “maybe if we can get back before him, I can hide it so I don’t have to endure another weird rendition of ‘Down by the Bay’.”

Phyllis laughed softly and the two women stood up to leave.

“Thank you for going to lunch with me.” Pam said with a smile.

Phyllis smiled warmly at Pam and said, “Anytime."