"Dude, seriously, just get it out of there!" Ben yelled as he stood beside his brother. His friend Kasey has stopped by to play some basketball in the driveway and they watched Jon stand in front of the mailbox for about five minutes before they came over to see what he was staring at. A dead squirrel? A wrongly delivered Playgirl magazine? Something had to be interesting enough to hold his attention. Now the three had been standing in front of the opened mailbox for about ten minutes, just staring at the thick manila envelope.

"I can't. What if it's a rejection letter?"

Ben frowned. "You've been rejected plenty of times! That should have given you some practice. You should be used to it by now!"

"Shutup. This is serious. This is my life," Jon sighed, his hands sweaty and nervous. He couldn't find the courage to open the letter anyway. Even if he was good in school, college was so competitive.

"Well, you've wasted ten minutes of your precious life just staring at the stupid mailbox. Just pull it out!" Kasey snorted.

"I can't!"

Ben rolled his eyes. "I'll do it then! Move!"

"No!"

"Look. It's just a letter. Yes or no. And honestly...if it says no, you can just work at McDonald's. You can be a cashier!" Kasey laughed.

"I hate you both," Jon growled out.

"Why are you even going to Penn State? Why not University of Scranton or Marywood or something?" Kasey asked.

"Three words. Stacey Kapoor-Benard. She applied to them. So therefore, they are not an option."

Suddenly, their mother came out the front door. She has been upstairs painting and she had smudges on her cheek and on her yoga pants. "Jon? Ben? Why are you guys just standing in front of the mailbox?"

Ben smirked at his brother. "Jon's being a wimp and he's afraid his Penn State acceptance letter might have anthrax on it!"

"Hey! Anthrax is not funny!" Pam replied, coming down the driveway herself.

Kasey leaned over to Ben, "Hey man, your mom is seriously a MILF."

Ben elbowed him in the stomach and Kasey doubled over. Pam joined her sons at the mailbox. The family was now standing in front of the mailbox, staring at the envelope.

"Jon, it's too thick to be a rejection letter," Pam stated, trying to assure her son.

"It could totally be a trick. Once, I saw on this show or something, where they sent you a packet on other schools that might accept you now that you have been rejected," Kasey replied.

"Shutup, turd. You did not!" Ben hissed. "What show was that?"

"Um...60 Minutes?"

"You've never watched anything other than MTV2. Come on, Jon, we can't stand here all day. Dad's going to come back from his game and think we're all crazy."

"Mrs. Halpert, can I say, you have nice daisies...um around your mailbox," Kasey said to Pam, looking at her chest and not at her garden at all.

"Um...thanks?" she replied, and Ben elbowed his perverted friend again. "Jon, I promise you that's an acceptance letter. You're brilliant, so that school would be stupid not to let you in. In fact, if they didn't accept you, it'd be a good thing. Because it would obviously be a suck ass school."

"Oh...mom said ass!" Ben snorted.

"Don't you say ass," Pam chastised. "Go ahead, Jon."

"I can't mom! I...my arms are too scared to move!"

Just then, the Halpert SUV pulled up to the family standing on the curb, staring into the mailbox. Jim leaned out the window, sweaty from playing basketball. He smiled at his family and Ben's friend all standing on the curb, doing something weird to the mailbox. "What's going on? Dead squirrel? Or do we get Satelite television in there?"

"Jon's letter from Penn State. He's afraid to open it."

"How thick is it?" Jim asked, pulling the SUV in the driveway and jumping out.

"Could be a set up. Could be a thick rejection letter," Kasey supplied his conspiracy theory.

"Good point," Jim pointed out and patted Jon on the shoulder. "Only way to find out is to open it."

Jon reached his hand in slowly, pulling out the envelope and looking at his parents. He took a deep breath and ripped it open. As he (and everyone else over his shoulder) scanned the first line, he breathed a sigh of relief.

"I'm in!"

"YES!" Pam cheered, doing a fist pump.

"That's what I'm talking about!" Jim clapped.

"Whatever," Ben shrugged.

Jon reread the letter, smiling, then suddenly his faced dropped.

"What?" Pam asked concerned.

"DJ got in last week and Mr. Schrute said he couldn't go. He was supposed to be my roomate."

His mother frowned. "Dwight said that?"

"We'll go talk to him," Jim shrugged.

"No, bad idea, Dad. All you will do is get Mr. Schrute angry. And he'll want to arm wrestle again."

"And I'm not rebuilding ANYTHING else," Ben said crossing his arms.

"That was one time. No seriously, we'll go talk to him and it'll work out, I promise," Jim stated.

Unfortunately, it was not that simple. Not when it came to the Schrutes and the Halperts. Their long standing rivalry continued despite their sons' friendships. And Mr. Shrute had an iron will. So the Halpert family minus Ben ("I never want to see that beet farm or a barn, or anything ever again!") drove down to the Schrute farm to talk the Schrutes into letting DJ attend Penn State and be Jon's roomate.

It didn't start off well. Mrs. Schrute insulted Pam's desire to flaunt her cleavage in her scoop necked blouse and Mr. Schrute opened the door with his bomb sniffing dog (a cockerspaniel) on Jim. The air was tense. Jon watched his father's jaw tighten and his mother's forehead crinkle in frustration. This wasn't going well, and honestly, he wanted one side to consider a retreat and go in a corner to lick their own wounds.But he knew they wouldn't, because they were both stubborn.

"You seriously aren't backing down, are you?" Jim muttered, not even a hint of humor evident in his voice.

"No, I am not. Schrutes do not back down, Jim. It's what got us through two world wars, and hopefully a third."

"God willing there's a third,"Jim replied, crossing his fingers and Pam elbowed him. He was not helping the cause. Unfortunately, Jon knew his dad couldn't resist when around Mr. Schrute. It was like a drug calling him. This was...ungood.

Jon groaned and dropped his head in his hands. Please shutup Dad, just this once.

"Look Dwight," Pam replied, trying to deflect from Jim's insults. She flashed a small smile. "I know we've had our differences. But the boys are best friends and they both got accepted to Penn State, and they want to be room mates. They shouldn't be separated just because you..." her eyes flicked to her husband. "And Jim...can't get along."

"Correction. Jim chooses to harrass and annoy me with his childish and completely unfunny pranks-"

"Oh, they are funny though. I laughed. Alot. Did...did you laugh Pam?" Jim asked and Pam glared at him.

Dwight was undeterred. His face was like a stone statue, his eyes set firmly on Jim's head, glaring, unmoving, evil.

Beside him sat an equally stone faced Angela Schrute, and a frustrated DJ. He knew this wasn't going to work either. He even told Jon to forget it, that he would join the seminary school his mother kept leaving pathlets on. It was no way he could win this war with his parents. Living with a heathen boy like Jon. It was bad enough he chose to be Jon's friend and invited the boy's wickedness into the home.

Pam sighed. "Angela, please help me with this."

Angela spoke up, her voice cold, and straightforward. "There is nothing to help you with, Pam. We would rather Dwight Junior attend a horticulture college nearby, and remain at home. Since Kurt is going to seminary school, we will need his help more than ever."

Kurt, who was sitting on the other side of his father frowned. "Ah man, when did we decide *I* was going to seminary school?!"

Angela glared at him. "It is a blessing to spread the word of Jesus."

"So I have to spread Jesus and DJ spreads fertilizer?! How is that fair?!"

"Quiet boy! It's not like you have any other ambitions," Dwight frowned.

"I said I wanted to go to college!" Kurt insisted. "Clown college!"

"See Dwight, he has an ambition," Jim replied and Dwight leveled another glare at him. "Nothing's wrong with clown college! He could get his master's!"

"You think you are so funny, don't you? This is why I don't want the heir to my beet empire falling prey to your demon spawn's influence," Dwight looked at Jon. "No offense, you're a nice boy, I suspect from your mother's side, but still-"

"None taken," Jon murmured and Jim shook his head in disgust, causing Jon to shift nervously in his seat.

"Clown college is not a college, Kurt. Unless it's a rodeo clown....totally different," Dwight dismissed, waving his hand at an annoyed Kurt.

Pam was irritated, by now, as the conversation had become something completely different from what they were trying to accomplish, getting Dwight to allow DJ to attend Penn State with Jon and be his room mate. "Look, Dwight. This is important to DJ. It's a great school. It has excellent resources for its students and it has alot of majors for him to choose from-"

"None of them would be beneficial to us here at the farm. And that is why, Pam, I believe he doesn't need to go. Look at me. I don't have a fancy college degree and I'm doing just fine. I have my own farm. What can a college degree give me?"

"A bigger farm with a real bathroom," Jim whispered and this time, Jon and Pam did a double glare, causing Jim to apologize. "Sorry, I couldn't resist."

"This is why I don't want my son living with your son. Because you're immature Jim! You're immature and...you're...a poopy head!"

"See Pam. You can't even control your husband, let alone your child," Angela sneered, her left eyebrow arched in high indignation. "I can just imagine all the nipple twisting and animal sacrifice that will go on..."

"You know what Angela-?!" Pam snapped and suddenly everyone started arguing and the table became rowdy as Angela told Jim he sparked such language out from Dwight and Jim was too busy trying to get Dwight to say poopy-head again. Pam was trying to make a point, but no one was listening and instead it was just a bunch of noise.

Finally, DJ spoke up, causing every "HEY! Just forget it! I don't even want to go. God forbid for one moment I want to learn to be my own person! Just forget it, Mom and Dad. I'll stay here and learn to grow beets like a good Schrute and I'll never leave the farm. I'll spread the fertilizer and Kurt will be a Jesus clown or whatever. Happy?" He turned to Jon, "Sorry dude. Have fun in college. I'm going to my room."

With that the boy stomped out the kitchen and Kurt followed. The rest of the table looked guilty and remorseful of their behavior, well everyone...except Dwight.

Angela saw Pam staring at her, and she cleared her throat. "Dwight, can I speak to you in the sitting room for a moment?"

"Don't worry Monkey. I'll punish the boy for speaking that way to us. I think we should take away his right to clean off bird droppings on the scarecrow. That will show him-"

"No, Dwight," Angela stated sternly. "Sitting room. Now."

Dwight's eyes widened and he stood and followed the petite blonde intot he sitting room leaving the Halpert trio alone in the kitchen. Jon leaned over.

"You just couldn't resist could you, Dad?"

"What?"

"Jim," Pam sighed. "You were making things worse. You know what you do to Dwight."

"He asks for it!"

"But for once Dad, just...it could have ruined things. If DJ doesn't go-"

"He's going," Pam promised, patting her son's hand to reassure him. "If your dad can just keep quiet for ten minutes."

Jim sighed. "I hereby promise to stare at the rooster pattern on this vase and not say a thing.  Must be all that nipple twisting we're teaching you."

"Jim!"

"Okay, I'll stop!"

"Thanks, Dad. Or...Poopy-head."

Jim cracked up and Pam shook her head ad Angela and Dwight entered the kitchen and sat back down at the table, stiffly.

Dwight cleared his throat. "It has been brought to my attention that maybe Penn State would be a good learning opportunity for DJ. So...because housing is no doubt inadequate and probably understaffed over there, we will allow him to live with Jonathan during this first year. All subsequent years are up for review of course, under the requirements that his grades are good and there are no felony arrests."

Angela nodded stoically and gave Pam a small awarding smile. Pam smiled back, as Dwight got up.

"Thank you Mr. Schrute! Can I go upstairs and tell DJ?"

"Yes, you may," Dwight replied. Jim stood up as well.

"Thank you, Dwight."

"Don't thank me. Just know I am watching you."

"Okay," Jim replied, shoving his hands in his pockets and biting his tongue.

"Like a hawk."

"Uh huh," Jim sighed out. This was difficult.

"No, better yet, like a Peregrine Falcon-"

"Yeah-" Jim looked at Pam for support. She was talking to Angela, and was no help to him.

"Which can swoop down at the speed of 200 mph, Jim. That's how fast I am."

Jon ran upstairs into the twins' room. "DJ! You're in!! They're letting you go!"

"What?!" DJ stood up, excited. "Wait? What did you do? Threaten to reveal my great grandmother as a Nazi war criminal?"

"No...not this time. Your mom must have convince him!"

They both were happy and excited until Kurt stood up and frowned. "Yippee! Well at least you don't have to cry to sleep to night that you'll never get to live out your dreams to be a clown! Or a mime! I would have settled being a mime! Mimes are just silent clowns.But no! No one's rallying for me to get the right to go to clown college. So yeah! for DJ. Meanwhile, *this* clown has nothing to be happy about."

And with that he stomped out of the room.