Bring Your daughter sons   KIDS to Work Day

First off, the banner was crooked. Secondly, the way everyone turned and stared at you as you entered the office made you want to go back screaming to the parking lot.

Jim led the way in, with a grumbling Jon and Ben shuffling behind him. It made it worse that of all days, school was out on a teacher's planning day and Mom volunteered for the boys to go in with him. Pam had to go to an art gallery today anyway and she had just straightened the house and didn't want the boys there with nothing productive to do all day. Even if thats ALL they wanted to do. They made it evident they had no desire to come along, even to the extent of Jon offering to buy his way out of going.

Jim hung his coat on the coat rack and greeted the receptionist.

"Hey Nina."

"Hey Jim. Wow, your boys have grown since the last time I've seen them. Jon's as tall as you."

Jim turned to look at Jon but he was still by the door, text messaging HELP messages to his friends. DJ texted him back.

Can't. I'm in the elevator on my way up. I gotta go to accounting with mom. =-(

Ben slumped himself on the couch near the door, thumbing at his iPod. All he wanted to do was sleep in, maybe eat a huge bowl of cereal and play Playstation 6.

Jim frowned. "Um... hey guys. MY desk is over here."

Neither son responded. Jim cleared his throat roughly and Jon flipped his phone down and knocked his knee into Ben to get his attention. Wordlessly, they both followed Jim over to his desk and sat in the extra chairs provided.

"Why are we here? It wasn't even fun when we were ten."

"Ben, you of all people need to learn some work ethic. Michael's gonna order pizza, and there might be a puppet show. And my god, Jon...who are you text messaging? That's all you've been doing since you woke up."

Jon narrowed his eyes. "It's the only thing keeping me awake at seven o'clock in the morning on a non-school day."

"Put it away. DJ just walked in. I don't want you two planning an escape."

"Which is funny because this place is exactly how I would picture prison," Jon mumbled bitterly.

Jim flipped on his computer as Dwight, Angela, DJ, and Kurt walked in. Dwight put his coat on the coat rack and then turned to his sons.  Angela quirked an eyebrow as DJ rolled his eyes.

"MOVE IT!!! MOVE IT!! MOVE IT!!!" He yelled at the boys as they followed the same procedure, causing the coat rack to buckle under the weight of their heavy coats. It fell and hit Kurt in the head and he cried out. Angela went to check him but Dwight shook his head.

"Shake it off, boy." Dwight said sternly, walking swiftly to his desk. DJ sighed and Kurt rubbed his sore head as they followed their father.

Jim and his boys watched the scene. "Morning, Dwight."

"Hello Jim. I see you have brought your juvenile deliquents."

Jim smirked and looked back at Jon and Ben, both who were involved in text messaging or iPod usage. "Yep, it's all part of their probation."

Just then Michael came in, his adopted pre-teen daughter running in before him.

"Jessica, wait!"

"I want to use your computer!"

"Don't! Wait, Daddy's...having a spasm of some sort." Michael wheezed, obviously from running. He nearly collapsed on the floor near the reception area.

Jim shook his head. "Morning Michael."

Michael heaved again. "Argh, I...Morn...hi."

Dwight peered over his screen. "Hello, Michael."

He gave a non committal wave and leaned wearily against the receptionist desk.

"Did you run all the way up here?" Nina asked concerned. Michael wasn't a spring chick anymore and he and Jan had adopted Jessica after he was already past 50.

Michael nodded. "She's like on speed or something. Ever since we brought her home, it seems like she's been hopped up on pills or sugar. Did you know... she gets up before the alarm clock? Like when it's still dark? Isn't that scary?"

Dwight chimed in. "No. DJ and Kurt get up well before the rooster crows. There's work to be done. Schrutes have biological clocks that way."

The boys moaned loudly at their father's boasting.

Jim frowned. "Wait...everyone has a biological clock."

"Not as superior as ours. We can sense sun rise and sun set."

Jim looked at him smugly. "Even when there's an eclipse?"

Dwight nodded. "Yes. Especially when there's one."

"Solar or Lunar?"

"Both."

"What if you were on a planet with two suns?" Jim asked, folding his arms, smugly. Ben chuckled and Jon rolled his eyes, and text messaged his girlfriend of the week.

Dwight paused and looked back at DJ. He shrugged at his father who sighed at his uselessness. "Depends on the planet."

Before Dwight could answer,  Jessica came bounding out the door of Michael's office. "I broke something."

"What?!"

"I dunno. It was on the desk."

Michael stood straight, panicking. "There's alot of things on my desk. What was it?!"

"I dunno. It seemed important though," she said hopping towards the breakroom. She turned around whistfully. "There was smoke coming out of it."

Michael scrambled towards his office as Jim clicked on his computer.

The boys barely said anything unless Jim directed questions towards them. Most of the day they gave half grunts and groans depending on Jim's questions.  They only came alive when Stacey Kapoor-Bernard came sauntering in, yapping at a mile a minute about traveling to Milan as soon as she saved up for it, either that or an awesome prom dress. She then asked Jon did he want to take her out, but before he could reply she went yapping about how many beautiful babies they would have. Andy caught whiff of it and banished her back to the annex before warning Jim about his son's "intention for his daughter".

He realized they were a bit too old and independent, and he missed when they were younger and more eager to hang out with their dear old dad.

He was still a pretty cool dad, still kind of young and fun, being only 48 with two teenaged boys. He tried to keep an easy going relationship with them, so they knew dad was always available if they needed him to be. But at this age, all they wanted to do was be left alone, in an age where most teenagers would stomp towards their room where they would shut the door and blast all kinds of ungodly music only to reappear again when it was dinner time.

But Jim enjoyed his relationship with his boys. They were too much like him not to. He turned towards Ben and yanked the plugs out of his ears and then grabbed the phone away from Jon.

"HEY!"

"I was in the middle of texting Lisa!"

"That can wait."

"Um... no it can not."

"You guys are killing me here. Is it really that bad to hang out with your dad?"

The boys reluctantly shook their heads.

Jim gave a smile. "Okay, guys. Listen, I kinda wanted you two here so we can do some sort bonding. I know it's lame, but you have to work with me here. I mean, the older you get the less time I really have to spend with you. Plus it wasn't my idea. Corporate's coming and they wanted to make sure we're participating in special days like this."

"You want us to bond over selling paper?" Jon asked. "How is that not lame?"

"It's not that bad. I mean, it's actually kind of easy."

"Who even uses paper anymore? Honestly? Unless your computer's broke and you need to write something."

"You will need to write something someday. Like a girl's phone number."

"If she's not pretty enough to be in my top five, then I'm not going to use dead trees to get her number," Jon repled simply.

"I'll never use paper. Ever," Ben said.

Jim sat back and smiled. "How can you even expect to achieve that?"

"Technology," Ben replied.

"What if you were on an island and you had nothing but paper? What would you do then?"

"Text for help."

"No cell phone reception."

"Is my blackberry still working?"

Jim shook his head. "Paper's been here for hundreds of years. I mean, we still wouldn't be in business if people didn't need paper. Books are made a paper. You guys read books, don't you?"

"Not unless we're forced to," Jon replied quickly.

Ben sat up. He felt playful, seeing that his father was really trying to spend quality time with them. "So you kill trees and profit off of their deaths?"

Jim's jaw dropped open as he went to respond but Dwight peaked from around his computer. "That is ridiculous. And it's a shame you let your second born son speak of our enterprise that way."

"It's just paper, Dwight," Jim sighed.

"And that is why your sons do not respect what you do. Because you do not force them to," Dwight said curtly. He then looked at Ben. "Trees are plants. Plants are useless unless we use them for food, medicine, or wood."

"You forgot paper, Dad. Since that is what you're defending, just...thought I'd mention it," Kurt replied behind him.

Dwight glared and cut his eyes at Kurt. "Go sit with your mother."

Kurt frowned and got up and walked towards Angela.

"Plants are alive," Jon replied, falling into his brother's mode. Jim didn't say anything. He knew his boys would drive this one home. "They need water and light to survive. They die too. So technically, Dunder Mifflin is a murderer."

"They are but they are an inferior kingdom. Humans have dominion over all the plants and animals. Therefore we will use trees for wood, paper, and other raw material if need be. And Dunder Mifflin is the fourth largest producer of paper products. So if we're such murderers, what other murderers can boast about that?"

"The top three companies ABOVE Dunder Mifflin. Wow, you guys aren't even good at murdering for profit. You only rank at number four. You guys suck either way..." Jon sighed.

He watched Dwight tense up and DJ dissolved into laughs behind him. Dwight turned around hissed. "This is a serious accusation again the bread and butter of our household boy, it is NOT funny. Go sit with your mother too."

He turned around, and DJ took the time to mock what he just said behind his back before leaving. 

"And you Jim. I am surprised you can sit there and let your children say such things about the company you represent."

Jim shrugged. "But we do kill trees."

"We kill them to make the world better."

"But we still kill them."

"But for the good of the world. We're doing it for the right reasons," Dwight said sincerely.

"You mean like vigilantes. You break the law to do the right thing," Ben replied and Jon inhaled to stop from laughing.

"I guess that's true. We're vigilantes of paper."

"Yes we are Dwight, yes we are." Jim replied and he heard the chorus of laughs behind him.