Pam still had her moments, but she put on a happy face for the boys. She seemed to be extra interested in their daily activities, and when they came home, they were treated to a home-cooked dinner every night, something they definitely were not used to. Finally their dad had asked her what was going on, were they boycotting KFC or the pizza place. She just shrugged and said, "I like cooking for you guys."

They were not convinced. Mom wasn't the best cook. Her experiments in the kitchen sometimes lead to disasters and KFC would make a miraculous appearance again.

This particular Saturday, Ben and Jon were sitting in the family room watching Spike TV when Pam bounced from upstairs where she had been painting. She's also been doing that a lot too. Making good use of the easel her dad had built her.

"So...sandwiches for lunch?" She asked, bouncing on her heels behind their couch.

No response came as the boys were glued to the television. Because apparently, Rambo was interesting no matter how many times you've seen it.  So Pam shrugged and entered the kitchen, washing her hands to get to work on the sandwiches. 

She paused at the sink and sighed. "Jon, did you eat a huge bowl of cereal this morning?"

Jon looked over the back of the couch. "Yes."

"Is this your huge bowl of chocolate milk from eating said huge bowl of Cocoa Puffs?"

"Yes..."

"Come clean out your bowl please," Pam replied, hands on her hips.

"Mom, Rambo's about to like slaughter all these guys!"

"Jonathan, you have seen Rambo kill in this exact scene too many times to count, unfortunately. I'm sure it's on repeat at the Schrute household..."

"Actually Mr. Schrute thinks Rambo is kind of a sissy..."

"Come wash your dish," Pam said demandingly.

Jon huffed over to the sink, smiling down at his short mother. She had paint on her nose and her hair was pulled back in a ponytail. She looked very young like that. Kurt thought his mom was kind of hot until Jon beat him up. He laughed because it was kind of sweet. "You have paint on your nose. What are you painting?"

"Sunflowers."

"Good choice. You should hang it up in the foyer by the front door."

"I was thinking the same thing," she smiled, reaching up to mess with his unruly hair.

"Mom..."

"You need to comb it."

"Ben needs to comb his hair. Why don't you go mess with his bird's nest?"

"I do. He hates it too. You boys are some handsome devils."

Jon snorted, but blushed as his mom beamed up at him and continued to make her sandwiches. This was the Halpert family routine. Saturday, Mom would paint while Dad played ball with his friends until the boys woke up. Or they would be out grocery shopping...until the boys woke up. Whatever the parents were doing, surely the boys would be asleep.  Then they would either force the boys to get up and do some lame family bonding thing or they would send the boys out of the house, as if no one knew their parents were still having sex. Ew.

But this weekend was mellow. Their dad was in the yard mowing the lawn (Jon's job but Jon had made a big production about being suddenly being allergic to ragweed that Jim just mowed it himself). The sound of the lawnmower going outside stopped and the back door opened. Their lanky sweaty father stepped inside, furrowing his brow at his lazy sons who looked extremely too comfortable for his liking.

"Enjoying the movie, guys? Want mom to make you some lemonade? Perhaps I should hire some scandalously dressed women to feed you two grapes?" He said that with a bit of bitterness laced with his words. So dramatic.

The pair lazily turned their heads in their father's direction but didn't respond.

"I had kids so I wouldn't have to do yard work," he ranted as he entered the kitchen.

The boys looked at each other and shrugged, then returned to their movie.

"Gross Jim, you're sweaty and covered in grass. Get out of the kitchen!" Pam squealed.

"I'm, like, dying of thirst Pam!" he fussed back as she waved him away.

"I'll get you a glass of ice water; just get out of my kitchen!"

Jim frowned and looked back over towards the open family room area, where his two lazy excuses for sons continued to watch television.

"I get no respect in my own house. We have got to have the laziest sons on this planet and a man can't even get a glass of water after mowing that football field of a backyard we have," Jim ranted as Pam handed him a glass of water and a sandwich.

"The yard's not that big," Ben muttered, and Jon elbowed him in the side. Let's not draw attention to ourselves, was the message. Maybe he'll rant, then go back outside, not prompting us to help. So shutup.

"I'm sorry...." Jim took the glass from his lips, amused. "What was that? Are you complaining about the lovely house you're being raised in?"

"No," Ben sighed.

"Ah, sounds like you were complaining," his dad replied. He chewed thoughtfully on his sandwich as his wife raised an eyebrow at him. They communicated silently with their eyes for like 3 minute. "Ya know what boys? I think it's time for father son bonding."

"Oh...no," Jon groaned and Ben grunted in agreement. They knew this would happen.

Jim was resolute in his idea. He smiled at their discontent and shoved the rest of his sandwich in his mouth. "Yep, I really think today is the best day for some Halpert manly bonding. We'll wrestle, grill some hunted meat, fix a car, and do something manly."

"Wrestling sounds really girly..." Jon snorted.

"Whose car are we fixing? The SUV gets serviced," Ben asked.

"Okay, forget the wrestling. You need a tux for the prom, so we're going to go get you fitted and Ben you can come along because maybe one day, you might be able to go to the prom...maybe."

Ben frowned. "That was mean."

"Let's go boys, I'm off to shower. Be dressed in thirty minutes."

"Mom...seriously..." the boys moaned, searching for interference.

"You heard your father..." she smiled, tilting her head in that playful way she does. "He wants to spend time with you. It's a good thing. Sandwich before you go?"

Thirty minutes later, the boys were stoically sitting in the SUV while their Dad was tapping his fingers against the wheel. "This is going to be a great day. Just us guys. Did you bring a sample of your date's dress, Jon?"

"She gave me like, a ripped off piece of it."

"That is called a ‘swatch'."

"Was I supposed to know that?" Jon asked, confused.

"No, probably not," his dad laughed.

"Why do girls care about all this stuff? I mean, does it matter if I match? I don't really care," Jon said as he went to change the radio station. Jim slapped his hand away and the boy grimaced.

"Apparently," Jim replied, turning into the mall parking lot. "I reserved the limo and everything, she's gonna be impressed."

"Dad, we didn't need a limo. I can drive."

"Oh, after what you did to your mom's car, no way am I letting you drive on Prom night. Ben might drive this SUV into the conference center and I don't think they would let us rebuild that if it happens!"

Ben folded his arms. "One time. One time you drive someone's car into a barn one time and they will never let you live it down."

"Well, you got to build a barn. How many kids can say that?" Jim shrugged smiling at him through the rearview.

"Who would want to say that?" Ben muttered.

"I don't get the big deal about prom. I mean, I know it's about getting dressed up, but it's like a souped up version of homecoming," Jon blurted out, as Jim pulled into an empty parking space.

"I wish I could have gone to homecoming," Ben frowned.

"You could have asked Roy's stepdaughter," Jim snorted as they all stepped out and headed into the mall.

"She's been sending me really weird notes about wanting to lick my skin off..." Ben shuddered at the thought.

The tuxedo shop was tucked in a small corner and it wasn't busy at all. Apparently Jon had waited until the last minute to get his tux. They searched through catalogues and things to find the right fit and Jim held the swatch of dress fabric up to the vest.

"I think this is the right color," he squinted.

"Dad, that's green."

"Isn't this green?" Jim held the swatch up to Jon's face. Jon shrugged in a normal teenaged slacker-dom fashion.

He could careless. It was a color. He wasn't even that excited about prom. All his female prospects had dwindled down to Jessica Stamford, a junior varsity cheerleader. The irony was not gone from the situation. He was after all a football player. Part of him was not amused at the prospect of dating a cheerleader. It was so...predictable. Also, Stacey Kapoor-Bernard was highly upset at his choice of date. She even posted a huge blog about how much he sucked on MySpace.

"It's seafoam or something stupid like that," Jon sighed, flipping through another catalogue.

Ben was fiddling with his iPod while sitting in the corner. "I'm hungry."

"For the fifth time, we know. Okay Jon, what about this?" Jim asked, pointing to one of the color choices for a vest.

"It's close, I guess..." the tall boy shrugged unenthused. He didn't even care enough to deal with the tuxedo shopping. He really would have rather spent his Saturday watching Rambo.

"You guess?" Jim eyed him, frustrated at Jon's indifference.

"This is mom's territory. Colors. And dress clothes," Jon replied. "Plus, I'm getting hungry too."

"You guys are like bottomless pits. You ate sandwiches before we left. And I can do just as good as your mom. Let's try this. Get you measured and then we'll grab some food."

The tailor came out and took Jon's measurements while Jim and Ben watched. Jon couldn't have looked more bored.

Jim watched his son's face. "So, this girl...Jessica. You like her?"

"She's nice. Not hard to look at."

"You sound so in love," Jim said sarcastically.

"She's not exactly my type."

"What's your type?"

"Artsy... maybe even a bit nerdy. With a good sense of humor."

Ben looked up. "You just described Mom!"

"Did not!"

"Did too! Eeewww!" Ben laughed.

Jim frowned. "Your mom's a great woman. It's great Jon wants to find someone with her qualities."

"That's so gross," Jon balked. "I don't want to date my mom."

"Not your mom, someone like her."

"Yeah, I guess. Jessica's nice. I mean, it might even work. I just have to get to know her."

"Or make out with her. You are so lucky," Ben mused.

Jon rolled his eyes. Yeah, all his friends were planning on getting rooms at the hotel near the prom. Jon didn't. Jessica was flexible and limber he was sure but he didn't want to go there with her. Sex, as nice as it would be to have it...wasn't always the end game to him. The guys thought he was crazy but he got that from his dad he guessed. The sensitivity thing.

It was a blessing and a curse. Girls dug him because he wasn't a total douche bag, but he also missed a lot of opportunities to score with some really hot girls because he wasn't a total douche bag.

"So...Jon...are you going to...get intimate with this young lady?" Jim asked nervously.

He didn't know what to say obviously. Jon wondered how his dad's father approached the situation. His dad was a gentleman at heart. Always sensitive to his mom and pulling out chairs and opening doors. His uncle Jon was a bit of a player, but he had since settled down and had kids that lived to annoy their cousins.

"Dad...seriously. Are we having that talk?" Jon whispered, tilting his head towards the working tailor.

"I have sons, boy. I've done this talk several times over," the tailor responded.

"Thank you! See! I just...I mean...last time we did I know it was awkward and weird but we needed to do it. Maybe we need a refresher course."

Jon's eyes widened. "No. Dad...stop."

Jim frowned. "I want to make sure you know to be careful and respectful of her feelings."

"And your changing body's urges," Ben teased.

"Ben, stop, this is serious. For you too. With your skin licking girlfriend," Jim said earnestly.

"She is not my girlfriend. Okay...not yet anyway," Ben smiled. "I have a question, what does teabagging mean?"

"Okay...we are not talking about this here!" Jon exclaimed as Jim scrunched his face in serious contemplation of his fifteen year old's sexual knowledge.

Jim continued,still shocked at Ben, "Um...how about we table Ben's question for later? After I block all the adult channels at home and download a web nanny on our computers and censor his reading...obviously. I want both of my sons to be respectful. To be careful. To be responsible."

"I'm not having sex with Jessica, Dad," Jon said, blushing as the tailor chuckled. "Not Prom night I can promise."

"Okay. But in case you do. Please use something."

Ben couldn't resist. "Oh, he'll be using something alright."

"God, just shutup!" Jon hissed.

Jim eyed the way the tuxedo fit his lanky son. He reminded him so much of himself. "I like that tux. It looks good. You look handsome, like your dear old dad."

"It'll be ready in a week, two days in time for the prom," the tailor replied.

"Great. Dad...please promise you're not gonna take like a hundred pictures before we even get in the limo?"

"You know it. Your mom had like five disposable cameras and her Kodak camera all ready to go snap happy. She's way too excited about you going to prom," Jim grinned devilishly. "We live to embarrass you in anyway we can. It's a benefit of being a parent. Payback for putting her through labor."

"Oh god..." Jon smiled, that was going to turn out to be a fun day.

Ben's stomach growled loud enough for everyone to hear.

"Okay let's pay for the tux before Ben's stomach eats his liver. Come on boys. Burgers okay?"

"Yep, man meat!" Ben said loudly before hearing how that sounds.

Jim and Jon raised an eyebrow.

"Okay, that did sound kind of gross..." Ben conceded and they all laughed.