~After~

Leaving

She sleeps on her stomach.

It was just one of the hundred new things he was learning about her.

He'd found out that sometimes Pam talked a little in her sleep. It was more like sighing but the first few times they’d slept together it had startled him awake.

Not that since this began they had spent that much time sleeping.

Sometimes she’d wake him in other ways.  He’d hear the faint creak of the mattress and then feel her hands sliding over him, under him, around him.

Though it had happened more than once it constantly took him by surprise.  It was the best kind of surprise though.

When she’d wake him that way he always made sure that she knew just how much he appreciated the effort.

He found out that she skipped breakfast more times than not, that she vacuumed nearly obsessively.  He found out that she likes to lie around for at least an hour after work before she does anything.  And now, she doesn’t seem to mind at all when he lies around with her.

Though it seemed whenever that happened they rarely moved from the couch.  Unless, it was to move to the bedroom.

For all the highs, there were definite lows.  He’s had a hard time figuring out her moods.  Sometimes she’d get really quiet, and it nearly felt like she was pulling away from him. 

He’d get nervous that something was wrong but then she’d change his mind, by reaching for his hand or snuggling against him and he’d feel like he could breathe again.

All in all, despite the lingering doubts, he still couldn’t believe that he was actually here, that they were finally together. Every morning he was with her he woke up completely amazed and incredibly grateful.

When he remembers how things had started, shakily, tentatively and not at all smoothly it makes it even more amazing.  There had been a time when he’d resigned himself to the fact that it would never, ever happen. 

He wanted everyone to know, everyone to see exactly what was happening between them but she insisted on keeping quiet.  It nagged at him, to be honest.  He was getting more than a little bit impatient.

If anyone made their way over here, now it would be obvious.  In her cramped little space there were signs of the two of them everywhere.  His mug rested on her kitchen counter, his favorite cereal stood in the cupbord.  His toothbrush was standing tall and straight in the holder next to hers.   

Jim’s oversized sneakers dwarfed her Keds in the closet, there were a tangle of his ties on a hanger, right next to a small selection of his dress shirts.  

To his minor annoyance she was forever stealing them to wear herself. 

He reaches down and grabs his watch off the nightstand, his eyes roaming over her as he fastens it to his wrist.

As Jim stands next to the bed he smiles before leaning over and pressing a light kiss to her cheek.

"Jmmm?"  She murmurs as he pulls away.

"Shh.  Yeah.  Don't get up.  It's so early."  He whispers back as he kisses her again.  “Go back to sleep.  I have to go.”

"No.  Don't."  She says sleepily.

He smiles wider and takes another step away.  "Pam.  I have to be at work in three and a half hours."

"Don't go."  Her eyes are still half closed as she reaches out to grasp at his arm.   He barely puts up a struggle as he sinks down next to her on the mattress.

"Stay."  She pleads as she slides a hand around his neck and pulls his face towards hers.

"Pam. Stop."  His protest is muffled by her mouth.   He leans back and tries to make her see reason. "Trust me.  I absolutely would rather stay here, but…I have to go."

“I don’t like this.”  She pouts against his lips.  "It sucks."

He laughs.   "Sure does.  But.  It used to suck even more."

She smiles and lets him go.  "You're right.  It did."

“We have to do something about this…”  He begins, knowing it’s a dangerous subject.

She shakes her head at him.  It’s a script they keep recycling.  “Jim.  I keep telling you…” 

There isn’t enough time, not this morning, for decisions that will take lengthy debate.   Nothing will be accomplished when she’s only half awake.

Despite the fact that there’s still so much for them to figure out, despite the fact that he's sure it's not going to be an easy fight,  Jim gazes down at her adoringly, sighing when he takes a step towards the door.

Pam sits upright and rests her back against the headboard.  The t-shirt she sleeps in is about ten sizes too big and hangs seductively off her shoulder.  Her eyes are heavy and full of sleep. 

"I gotta go."  He says again, apologetically.

"I know."  She nods her voice full of disappointment as she stares at her lap and picks invisible lint off the bedspread.

Leaving is the last thing he wants to do.  He didn't like it much either.  "I'll see you on Friday." 

"I know."  She nods again before looking up and staring at him sadly. 

I can't do this.  He thinks desperately.  I'm already going to hit so much traffic.  He leans down and gives her a long, lingering kiss.  The kind of kiss that he hopes will get them both through the next week.  She sighs as he pulls away. 

"What time will you be leaving?"  He says softly, running a hand over her cheek.

Pam turns her head and presses a kiss to his palm.  His fingers thread through her curls, causing her to shiver a bit.  

He leans forward and kisses her again and she knows what he's doing.  She gives him a look. 

"Right after work.  Trust me; I’m going to leave as soon as I possibly can.  And just go already.  I know you're trying to make me feel better, talking about when we'll see each other again.  I'm just being a baby.  You don't have to." 

She smiles and nods towards the door. "Go on.  Get out of here.  Go to work.  Push some paper.  I'd hate to think of offices all over Connecticut going through withdrawal."  She gives him a lazy wink.

He's pretty sure the world would survive, but given that he likes to eat and have a roof over his head he's resigned himself to the obligation at present. 

Jim chuckles and hangs his head, twirling his key ring around his finger as he reluctantly heads for the door.  "OK then.  I'll see you Friday." 

She smiles, knowing just like every other week she’ll be counting the hours. 

"I'll see you Friday."  She whispers as she snuggles back down and drifts off to sleep.