~After~

Impatience

He wants to say something but he doesn't want to ruin things. 

And it's odd because part of him can't understand why what he wants to say has the potential to ruin anything at all.

She wants to go out to dinner and to see a movie but he's dragging his feet.  He just drove through bumper to bumper traffic for nearly four hours and he's tired.  It'd be fine if they were just going to go somewhere close but she wants to drive a ways out of town…just in case.

Just in case…what?  He wants to ask her. 

In case someone sees them together - he guesses is the answer.

Who exactly are they hiding from?  It can't actually be…Roy!?!  Roy who it seemed was quickly working his way through every waitress at Hooters?

When he thinks of that fact he's all the more grateful she'd reconsidered before it was too late.

That's it.   He's done.  He's not going to do it anymore.  It's been nagging at him for far too long and he knows from experience that doesn't bode well.  There's this undercurrent of anger that he's afraid will rise to the surface if they're not careful.

As these thoughts fill his mind Pam comes dashing out of the bathroom, her hair smoothed down and faint blush to her cheeks.  The air around her smells kind of like green apples and something else light and floral-y.  Like she just sprayed on some perfume. 

She kisses him quickly as she goes to pick her coat and purse up off the couch next to him. 

"Ready to go?"  She says with a smile reaching down to grab his hand.  She tugs him to his feet.  "C'mon.  I'm starving!"

"Pam…"  He rises but stands his ground, not budging an inch.

"What?"  She lets his hand go and glances at her watch.  "Jim, come on.  We're going to be late."

"Not if we just go to the Steamtown 8."

Her face falls.  "Jim."

He knows it won't be easy but he's not going to stop. 

"I'm sorry, but this is ridiculous Pam.  I'm not driving all the way over to Wilkes-Barre just because you don't want anyone to see us together. And it's not like that's far enough anyway." 

She stands there motionless and doesn't speak so he feels the need to keep going.

"This whole Romeo and Juliet thing you've got in your head?  I don't know why it's become such a thing with you.  People aren't stupid.  Part of me is pretty damn sure they already have figured it out." 

He stares at her and takes a deep breath before he continues.  "This leads me to the question…"

Oh God.  She thinks desperately.  Why can't he just leave well enough alone?  She doesn't want to do this.  Things had been going so well.

"What?"  She says softly, even though she knows what's coming.

"What are you so afraid of?"

Her eyes lock to his as she pleads with him.  "Jim…"

"Really.  I want to know."  He moves to stand before her and holds her face in his hands, keeping her still. 

His voice carries the hint of a chuckle as he asks. "Do you think Roy is going to find out and beat me up?  Because - I gotta tell you.  That's incredibly insulting to my manhood."

She has to fight a smile as she looks into his eyes.  "The truth hurts - does it Jim?"  She says sympathetically.

"Hey.  I'm just a little squeamish at the sight of real blood.  Let me see him go head to head at NHL Hockey.  I'll give him a fight he won't believe."

"Oh that's real mature."  She sighs and rolls her eyes.  "You know sometimes I forget you're such a…"

"What?"  He looks at her blankly.

"Such a guy."  She replies with a smirk.

He holds a hand to his heart and staggers back.  "Wow.  Ouch.  Beesly." 

He knows what she's doing and if it's going to take her a while to really get into it he'll play along.  At least they were finally talking about it.

That was a major accomplishment in itself.

"When I said you were insulting my manhood before, never thought you'd actually go there."  He gives her a look.  "And with the whole - you know - actually seeing me naked thing - I thought it might be obvious…"

"JIM. Stop. You know what I mean.  I'm just saying - you know you are my best friend."  She pointed out.

"True."

"So sometimes I actually forget.  I mean there were a million times when we worked together that I just kept thinking you'd show up in the Ladies Room."

"OK."  He steps back and shakes his head at her.  "You know what?  I don't even want to know."

She smiles as she reaches for his hand and pulls him back.  "It's just that we talk a lot in there - I mean - women in general.   And since you're the person I talk to the most…"

He inches closer, snags her waist and pulls her against him.  "Just promise me you didn't envision me in there fixing my lip gloss."  He murmurs as his mouth grazes her ear.

Her hands move to his shoulders as she sways into him. "Oh no.  You'd always be doing something much more manly, like…"  She giggles as she finishes. "…filing your nails."

"Nice." 

He begins to laugh with her, the sound rumbling deep in his chest.  She slides her hands up and can feel it as she pulls his face towards hers and whispers. 

"Trust me.  You've more than proven your manhood - as you insist on calling it - in other ways."

She presses her lips to his, kisses him hungrily, and a bit desperately in order to prove her point.  She pulls away and the look in her eyes poses a question. 

His fingers skim her cheek as he lets her go.  "Later."  He answers, the look on his face telling her to go on.

Silence falls again and she stares at her feet.  "I don't know why…"

"Yeah you do."  He says softly.  "Pam.  Just tell me."

She slowly walks to the couch and sits down, smoothing her skirt over her thighs and tucking her hands underneath them.   

"At first - I wanted to keep quiet so that we could just figure stuff out without anyone else.  You know how people get.  They'd say they knew it all along or saw it coming or think they had a hand in it…"

"Like Michael."  Jim offers.

"Exactly. The last thing I need is having to discuss our sex life with…"  She shivers.  "…Michael of all people."

"OK.  Enough said." He smiles as he sits on the edge of the coffee table, so close their knees keep bumping.  "Tell me something.  You still work there because?" 

"Jim."  She looks up at him desperately.  "I can only handle one conversation like this at a time.  Please.  I can't discuss my career aspirations and our relationship all at once.   You need to pick one."

He nods, acknowledging that he should have known better.  "OK.  I understand."  He takes her hands in his, kissing them quickly.  "So. Let's go with us."

"OK."  She takes another steadying breath.  "I'm scared that once it's out there, once people know something might ruin it."

He didn't understand her logic.  "Like how - exactly?"

She didn't know how exactly to put it into words. "I don't know.  It's just been so…perfect."

He squeezes her hands in his.  "It's not perfect Pam."

And she can't deny it any longer. The truth is she knows she's been fooling herself all along. 

"I know."

"We really shouldn't pretend it is.  We've been doing that for a while now."

She gives him a look that says - What?

"Pretending."  He blows out a breath.  "What we really should do is fix it."

"Like how?"  She asks, a tinge of desperation filling her voice.

He hates that this subject makes her so nervous, but he couldn't back down now.

"For starters?  Either I quit my job and move back here or you quit yours and move to Stamford with me."

This was the conversation she'd been dreading.  She begins to tremble a bit.  "Jim…"

He wasn't going to give up that easily.  "Pam.  C'mon.  I'm tired of driving at least three hours each way to spend time with you.  And although I'll admit it's exciting when I finally do see you - neither one of us has one of those earth shattering careers that you sacrifice other parts of your life for.   I sell paper.  You answer phone calls from people who want to buy paper."

Jim shakes his head at her.  "Not exactly a reason rack up frequent flyer miles or in our case - to wear out the transmission of a car."

He's not going to give her a chance to protest.  He keeps speaking, hoping he can finally convince her.

"And just to revisit the career discussion - because honestly?  The two are one and the same.  I know you know this, but I'll say it again.  If you were doing something that had you using your artistic ability I'd happily sell paper for the rest of my life.  If you'd use that talent of yours I'd fly cross country every five days in a heart beat."

"Jim…"

It took so much getting used to, the way he'd always been so supportive.  She used to just shrug it off but now he was here, right in front of her, making her believe more minute by minute that the things she used to dream of could actually become a reality. 

Even so, she was still incredibly apprehensive about it all.  "I don't know why you're so sure…"

He didn't know why she wasn't.    He leans close and touches his forehead to hers. 

"Because, Pam.  I know you.  And you're amazing."

And in that instant she knows.  Even if they don't decide tonight where they'll be living or where they'll be working she knows one thing for sure.

If there was one thing she was sure of in a sea of insecurity it was this.   It was…simply…him.

"So are you."  She whispers as she runs a hand over the line of his jaw.

She stands and reaches for his hand, sighing.  "Well.  It seems we've spent so much time discussing that we missed the movie."

He feels slightly better, but there's still so much unresolved. 

"You're still avoiding my question."  He replies, even as he himself is rapidly losing interest in their conversation.

She pretends she didn't hear him as she snags his tie and pulls him closer, walking backwards towards the bedroom.  "I'm not really that hungry anymore."    

"No?" His eyebrows raise as his voice lowers to a husky whisper.

"Well, not for dinner exactly.  More like dessert."  She winks.  "And you know something else?  Lately I've actually been thinking of a career in nursing."   She chuckles as she lets his tie slip through her fingers.  She reaches for the button on her skirt and unhooks it quickly, letting it slide in a whoosh to her feet. 

She kicks it away before moving towards him again.  "I don't know how successful I'll be, because this whole difference between men and women thing still has me baffled.  I definitely think I could use another anatomy lesson.  Or maybe, you know, just kind of a refresher course."

Her secretarial skills were never more apparent.  Years of typing had made her fingers incredibly nimble.  He sinks down onto the bed and reaps the benefits as she works her magic.

She was nothing if not efficient.

When she straddles his lap it is more than enough to make him nearly forget their conversation completely.   Her hands fly to his hair, her fingers tugging at it until his lips meet hers.  

"Really? You think it'll help?"  He finally manages, the sound of his voice getting lost in her mouth. 

"Yes."  She nods as she kisses him breathless, simultaneously pushing him none too gently to lie back on to the mattress. 

She smiles against his lips as she adds. "I do."