~Before~

Bargaining

If I just get rid of this memo, he won’t have to leave.

Pam had thought the same thing a thousand times since she’d printed out the email.  She held it in trembling hands, resisting the urge to shred it like the first three copies she’d printed this morning.

Jim Halpert.  Starting date: June 19th   Stamford Office.

She knew Jan was coming in today.  Maybe she could get her to change her mind.  Maybe if she said the right thing or laughed at Michael’s jokes or promised to be extra nice to Dwight until the next millennium, maybe he’d stay.

She was so lost in her thoughts she didn’t hear the door swing open.  She heard a voice before she sensed a presence leaning over her desk.

“Good morning, Pam.”

Her head snapped up.  “Oh.  Hi Jan.”

“Hi.  You’re looking well – all things considered.”  She said, her voice tinged with sympathy.

“What?”  She can’t believe it’s so obvious.

“Since the…you know.  The wedding?  I’m sorry.  Michael…he’s well.  I’m sure I’m not giving you new information when I tell you he’s far from discreet.”

Pam fought to keep her voice steady as she replied.  “Oh.  Yeah.  Well.  It’s not really a secret.  I’ve just…postponed things.”

“Really?  I thought…well…”  Jan’s face flushed a bit.  “Anyway.  Can you let Michael know I’m here?  We need to go over the details of…”  She paused and took a breath, visibly uncomfortable.  “…Jim’s…um…transfer.”

Pam stared blankly ahead, blinking furiously to keep the tears that had suddenly sprung to her eyes at bay.

“Pam?”  Jan called out softly.

Pam sat perfectly still, her knuckles white as she tightly gripped the manila folder containing the beyond life changing memo.

“Pam?”  Jan reached out and placed a hand on her arm.

“Huh?  What?  I’m sorry.”  She kept a death grip on the folder as her hand fumbled for the phone.  “You needed Michael?”  She moved to punch the intercom.

“Pam.”  Jan said for the third time.  She glanced at Michael’s office and saw that it was blessedly empty.  “Do you want to take a minute?   I can’t help but notice you look pretty upset.”

She shook her head vehemently, as if that would fix things.  “No.  I’m fine.  I’m fine…”  She insisted.   She stood on shaky legs and clutched the folder to her chest.  “I’m really…perfectly…fine.  Do you want to wait for Michael in the conference room?”

She moved past Jim’s desk, cleared of every trace of him and stumbled slightly. Jan followed behind, a worried look filling her face. 

Jan slid her briefcase onto the conference table and slowly sank into a chair.  “Pam.  If you want to talk I want you to know I’m here for you.”

“There’s nothing to talk about really.”  Pam shook her head.  The last thing she wanted to do was discuss things with Jan.   She desperately tried to change the subject.  “Do you want some water or coffee?  Michael went to the bank but he’ll be back any minute.  And he really did just go to the bank.”  She felt the need to add.  “This time it’s legitimate.”

She stood in the doorway, still clutching the folder as if her life depended on it.

And maybe that’s because, in that precise moment, it actually did.

Jan Levinson did not get where she was in the company by backing down easily.  She was determined, and when she was determined, things rarely got in her way for long.

She made yet another attempt.  “Pam?”

“Yes?”

“Tell me something.”  She said softly.  “Did Jim have anything to do with you calling off your wedding?”

Pam’s face fell and a tear slowly slid unheeded down her cheek.  “I don’t know what you’re talking about.  Jim and I are friends.” 

Were.  Pam thought desperately.  We were friends.

Jan leaned back in her chair, her question answered.  “I thought so.  I mean.  I thought that…maybe.  Well.  It makes sense now.”

“What?”  Pam gave her a quizzical look.

“When he came for his final interview he asked me to give this to you.”  Jan reached into her briefcase and slid the glossy brochure over towards Pam.  “I know we’ve talked about it before…”

The internship.  Pam shook her head.  “I can’t…”  She whispered, swallowing a small sob.  She couldn’t stop herself anymore.  She hung her head as tears poured down her cheeks.

Jan nodded.  “I know.  You’ve said that but Jim seems to think you’d be a perfect fit and I have to say I agree.”

“He shouldn’t have.”  Pam shook her head again.

“From the way he talks of you it’s clear that he thinks you’re very talented.”  Jan replied.

“He shouldn’t have.”  And at that moment they both knew that she wasn’t simply talking about the internship.

“Your personal lives are none of my business.  They are none of Corporate’s business in general.  But I’ve known you both for a while now and any one with eyes can see that you care a great deal about each other.  Whether that’s simply friendship or more than that it’s up to the two of you to decide.”  Jan sighed, not quite sure what had made her so insistent about all this in the first place.  She knew from personal experience how an office romance could go wildly awry.  Not that you could qualify what had happened between her and Michael as romance. 

But somehow even she knew that this was something different. 

She took a look at the camera looming outside the conference room door.  “Besides.” She lowered her voice, as if that would make any difference.  “I suspect when the footage they’ve shot here airs it will be obvious to more people than just me – if it’s not already.”

Pam couldn’t think of any of that at the moment.  All she knew was that she was being incredibly selfish.  Jim had an opportunity and if she wasn’t willing to take a chance on him, she didn’t have any right to stand in his way.  If he wanted to move on, she should let him.

She steadied herself as best she could and placed the folder on the table. 

“It’s a good opportunity for him.”  She said softly, gently sliding it over closer to Jan.

“Pam...”

She talked right over her.  “He’s really a great salesman.  I know this doesn’t sound exactly like a glowing reference but it’s true.   He can close a sale without much effort at all.  You should know that he gets the numbers he gets by barely lifting a finger.”

“I agree.  He does quite well.”  Jan nodded.

Her comment barely registered.  “I know that he’d do even better if he was just challenged a bit.  So.”  Pam sniffled and took another deep breath.  She picked up the brochure and clutched it much like she had the folder.  “He should go.  He should do this.  Far be it from me to keep him from realizing his potential.”

She looked at the brochure in her hands as she added.  “He’s really…just…he’s the best person I’ve ever known.”

Pam was lost in her thoughts as she turned around, making deals with the fates again in her mind. 

Maybe if I just think about it again.  Maybe if I read about the internship one more time, maybe if I take a chance of my own one day I’ll run into him.  Maybe, just maybe, it won’t be too late when I do.

There were sounds of a commotion outside the conference room door.  It was clear Michael was back.  

The moment, such that it was, had clearly passed.   Pam moved towards the door and was nearly through it when she heard her name again.

“Pam?”  Jan felt compelled to say one last thing before she’d let her go.

“Yeah?”  She turned around slowly and kept her gaze to the floor.

“I think you should know, he said almost the very same thing about you.”