The turnstile needed oiling.

It smelled like dung.

His shoes were already thickly coated in dust.

She’d forgotten her sunglasses.

They’d raised the prices on the entry fees again.

A baby was crying because of the heat.

It was a perfect day.

“Ooooh,” Pam looked over her shoulder at him, a daring look on her face, “the Zipper! Let’s go!”

Jim barely glanced at his watch, “Oh, look at the time. Time to go home.”

Her smile widened. “The Orbitor line is short, we could…”

“See any restrooms around here?” He scanned the vicinity with a serious face, “I’ve really got to…”

He felt her tugging on his arm. He liked the feel of her weight, here was a ball and chain he wouldn’t mind having. He looked down in her laughing face as she pointed across the fairgrounds, “No, no! Look! The Ferris Wheel!”

He put his hand firmly in the small of her back and pushed her forward, “Well, why didn’t you say so? The best ride…ever.”

“There’s Burger King! Two points!” She made sure he confirmed her sighting.

“Mmmhmmm,” he kept kissing her neck. “Hey,” he murmured, “I think I see a….” He didn’t finish the sentence.

“You can’t see anything,” she giggled. “Ooooh, two more points! Chili’s!”

Jim nodded but was obviously not so easily distracted.

“Jim, I am going to so win. You totally suck at this!” Pam’s eyes were bright as she searched the horizon. She was sure there was an Applebee’s near Chili’s.

Jim’s lips teased her earlobe, “But, Pam, if I suck, I’ll leave a mark!”

Three rides on the Ferris Wheel later, Pam had completely defeated Jim. Final Score 26 ½ points (“Okay, I’ll give you a ½ point for the hot dog cart”) to a measly 7. As they were walking down the grassy midway, they continued their argument over a possible Denny’s sighting.

“There’s no Denny’s within 20 miles of here.”

“Sure there is.”

“Where?”

“What, you don’t believe me?”

The argument was never resolved because Pam suddenly said, “Uh-oh. Hide!”

No questions asked; Jim pulled her into a nearby photo booth. “What is it?”

“Shhhh…” she put her fingers to his lips and tilted her head to listen.

Over the sound of the rides and the children screaming she didn’t hear anything until the swiiiiiiiish sound of the photo booth’s curtain opened. Jim and Pam leapt apart as if they had been caught in the throes of passion.

Michael, wearing fun jeans and a Hammermill t-shirt, was oblivious of the effect he’d had on his two startled employees, “There you are! Jan, look! I told you it was Jim and Pam!”

Jan’s bored expression hardly changed. She was wearing pencil thin black jeans and grey satin shell top. To Jim she looked as out of place at a county fair as Dwight would have looked in a New York nightclub.

“Hi, Pam. Jim. Let’s go, Michael.”

Jim merely nodded while Pam managed a weak, “Hi, Michael. What a surprise.”

Michael ignored Jan as he said, “Small world, When you mentioned you were going to the fair, I thought ‘what are the chances we’d run into each other?’ And now here we are!” He looked around happily as if fate had cast it’s divine hand upon him. “I mean what were the chances? They have to be astronominical! Hey, I just had a great idea. Let’s all go watch the Miss Fair Queen contest together! We can boo and hiss and throw tomatoes…”

Pam was firm, “Michael, I told you. I’m not entering.”

Jim immediately disagreed. “Oh, you should definitely think about it….” She hadn’t mentioned Michael’s many attempts to get Pam to represent Dunder Mifflin at the fair. Jim had to agree with Michael though. He thought Pam had a shot.

Jim was cut off by Jan’s furious exclamation, “Michael, it is completely inappropriate to ask a female employee to…”

Michael rolled his eyes, “Hey, you’re not my boss anymore. I can ask Pam to do anything I want to.” To prove his case he ordered Pam, “So. You know from now on I want you to come topless to work.” His shoulders automatically came up as he tried to stifle his giggles.

“Michael!” Jan’s horrified expression held promises of further screaming in the safety of their condo.

“I’m not coming to work topless,” Pam said calmly. Jim’s disappointed look was registered by no one.

Michael lifted his hands in frustration, He hated an unsupportive audience. “Pam, work with me here. We’re trying to prove a point to the little woman. Just go along with it, okay?”

“I’m not coming in to work topless,” Pam repeated calmly.

Jim stepped in to help the team, “I can come in topless if that’ll help, Michael.”

“That was the lamest excuse ever!” Pam had to hide her head in his shoulder to muffle her laughter.

“Hey,” Jim said in a wounded voice. “I didn’t see you throwing out anything… or did you want to go sit through the Miss Fair Queen contest?”

She held on tightly to his shirt as she shook her head against his chest. He put his arms protectively around her.

“Okay then,” he admonished, “No calling my brilliant excuse lame. Or next time you’re on your own! I’m warning you. I’m very sensitive about my….”

She had to kiss him to make him stop talking.

Finally, when he was completely subdued, she started laughing again, “Promised Dwight to help set up his giant rutabaga exhibit!”

“Hey, you saw how fast Michael took off…” Jim shrugged his shoulders as if saying the proof was in the pudding. “What worries me though,” he added ominously, “Is how intrigued Jan looked by the thought of Dwight’s giant rutabaga.”

“Eeeew!” Pam covered her face in disgust. Passing fairgoers edged away from her rapidly.  She exhibited all the signs of a girl who had just come off some nausea-inducing ride.

Jim smiled happily.

“Ever year I come in here and every year it looks the same,” Pam complained as they went up and down the aisles looking at prize-winning vegetables.

Jim nodded. “They really need some decoration to liven the place up.”

Pam studied the walls of the 4-H building. “We should get Angela to head up a committee…”
“Oh right,” Jim had to laugh. “And next year it will be on your head that the place is covered in cat posters.”

Pam nodded excitedly, “Don’t forget babies dressed as farmers!”

“Thank you for that image, Pam.” Jim gave her the evil eye.

“Of course, we could have someone else decorate,” Pam considered the room once more “….like Kevin!”

“Right. Scantily clad women holding suspiciously shaped vegetables.” Jim considered this for a second, “Not a bad idea, actua…. Ow!”

She fluttered her eyelashes at him, “Hey, where’s Dwight’s exhibit this year? Did he tell you what he was going to enter?”

“Noooo….” Jim delved deep into his memory, “I think he said something to Andy about helping Angela with something.”

The sounds of the fair fell away as soon as they stepped into the dimly lit quonset hut. “Have you ever been in here before?” Pam whispered.

Jim whispered back, “Uh-uh. You?”

“My mom used to drag me in here when I was little. I always… There’s Dwight!” She pointed excitedly down the narrow aisle towards the back. Against a glass case, Dwight leaned. He looked bored.

Jim and Pam smiled at each other.

“They don’t need to eat the whole cake!” Dwight’s face was red from arguing.

Jim looked shocked by this answer, “But for all they know, Dwight, the rest of the cake could taste awful. Would it be fair if they were unlucky enough to eat the only bit without cockroaches in it?”

“Don’t be ridiculous, Jim! Angela’s Angel-Sweet Heaven Cake does not have cockroaches in it.” Dwight’s stubby finger pointed repeatedly at the Blue Ribbon. “It won a Blue Ribbon for Meritous Excellence, a singular honor given only to the….”

Ignoring the ribbon, Jim pointed at the partially eaten cake. “No, no, no, Dwight. The ribbon should have gone to Angela’s Angel-Sweet Heaven Teeny-Tiny Sliver of Cake. Look at it! Most of the cake is still there. And is that..? Pam does that look like a bug’s leg sticking out of the side there?”

Pam examined the cake before nodding furiously, “Dwight, I must say it does look like an insect body part of some kind.”

Dwight lashed out, overwhelmed by the double assault. “Stay out of this, Pam! You don’t know what you’re talking about. That’s not an insect leg, it's a… cherub leg.” His voice sounded unsure.

Pam gave Jim a brief ‘Well, did you hear that?’ look. Jim’s expression was thoughtful.  “A cherub’s leg? Are you sure? I didn’t know cherubs had insect-like legs.” Dwight’s face turned a deeper shade of red. Pam pressed Jim’s back warningly. He quickly switched the subject, “Hey, Dwight. Uh…Glad to see you didn’t enter any vegetables this year. Couldn’t help but notice that Farmer Stinson took top honors.” Jim’s voice was congratulatory.

“Jeb Stinson! He’s no farmer!” Dwight had completely forgotten the slight upon Angela’s prize winning (possibly insect-strewn) cake at the mention of his old foe. “He’s a PNC pencil pusher.” Dwight spit out the bank’s name as if the very name were poisonous.

Jim wiped the spittle of his face as he took a few steps back. “So…yeah. That reminds me. I’ve heard that Jeb Stinson calls you ‘just a paper pusher’, Dwight.”

Dwight fumed, “Just a paper pusher! Why that…! He’s just jealous! He wishes he could be in the paper business, the...” Words failed him.

Jim was now studying Mehitabel Winslow’s Angel-Iced Sugar Delight as he baited Dwight further, “Course, some could say banks and paper… kinda go hand in hand.”

Dwight was horrified.“They most certainly do not. Banks are a dying business, Jim. With the advent of the internet, banks are living dinosaurs. Jeb Stinson will be on the street selling apples. Mark my words.”

“Not pencils?” Pam asked innocently.

Jim glanced at Pam gleefully. She gave him a little ‘I know, I’m brilliant’ look that made his stomach flip-flop.

Meanwhile Dwight was rambling on about the death of pencils, banks, and Jeb Stimson.

Jim nodded seriously as Dwight got more and more excited. “Funny you brought this all up, Dwight. Jeb said to me just the other day, ‘Jim,’ he said. ‘Get out of this paper business. It’s a dying market. With the advent of the internet, paper will be outdated in two, three years. The whole industry will be a distant memory.’”

Dwight’s mouth fell open in shock.

While they were sipping drinks at the Elk’s Lodge Booth, Pam asked, “Who’s Jeb Stinson?”

“No idea,” Jim admitted. “I just read his name off the red ribbon for giant watermelon. I forgot the name of the guy who got blue.”

Pam was a little worried, “You know I’m thinking we should call Jeb Stinson and warn him.”

Jim scoffed. “Okay, are you seriously worried that Dwight is a threat?”

“Noooo,” Pam admitted. “I’m worried Dwight might show up at his doorstep and embarrass himself.”

“Pam, Pam, Pam. Every day Dwight gets up and goes out in the world and embarrasses himself. Why should today be any different?” Jim poured his rapidly melting ice cubes into her glass.

“True.” Pam looked around to make sure no one was watching before she gave him a quick kiss.  

“Oh, yay!” They were in the Fair Crafts Building and Pam was pleased to be standing in front of a purple ribbon. “I’m so glad she took my advice!” Pam turned joyfully to smile at Jim.

Jim looked surprised. She hadn’t mentioned it to him earlier. “You told her to enter?”

“A while ago,” Pam’s voice was smug. “She’s entered her painted china for years and never won a thing. I told her to enter her knitting and look! A purple ribbon!”

Jim glanced around guiltily before admitting. “It’s the ugliest sweater I’ve ever seen.”

Pam nodded, “The uglier a sweater, the harder it is to knit. My Mom would kill for this sweater.”

“What do I say if Phyllis asks if we saw it?” Jim looked around again to make sure no one could overhear. There were several old ladies critiquing the quilts down the way and he hated how they kept looking over at him.

“Hmmm, tell her that you saw it and, uh, that it was the most complicated knitting you’d ever seen.” Pam said in a low voice.

Jim looked with horror at the sweater, “What if she asks if I liked the colors?”

“Oh, that one’s easy. Say you think Kelly would look phenomenal in those five shades of purple!” Pam advised.

Jim glanced at the old ladies again. They were definitely watching him and he wanted to get out of there. Take Pam somewhere where they could be alone, “Phenomenal? Couldn’t I just say ‘hot’?”

“No. No one else in the entire world is hot besides me, yes?” Pam was firm about this.

Jim whispered in her ear, “You so hot.”

“Well, that was embarrassing,” Jim admitted.

Pam was still blushing.

The little old ladies had come up to them purely to taunt, tease, and torture them about being young and healthy.

“Next time,” Jim looked at her apprehensively. He hated it when Pam was embarrassed. “Next time, we should have a signal word for little old ladies with dirty minds.”

Pam looked off into the distance, “Meredith.”

“Well, yes,” Jim immediately agreed, “There’s a lady with a dirty mind. Although I don’t think I’d call her…”

“No, no. There’s Meredith. And she’s with Jake.”

Jim did a 180, “Run.”

“Remember when you were little and you wanted to take a bunny home from the fair?” Pam put a finger through one of the cages to pet the side of a black satin rabbit named George.

“No,” Jim gazed fondly down at Pam. He wished he had a camera. “I wanted a car from the demolition derby.”

Pam looked up, surprised. “But they’re all wrecks.”

“I know. I thought they were cool,” Jim shrugged as if this was obvious.

She couldn’t fathom this, “But why? They’re all busted up.”

“Uh,” Jim had never given it much thought, “well, you wouldn’t have to worry about getting in a wreck…”

“Yeah,” Pam agreed, “and your insurance would be really low.”

Jim smiled, “Exactly. That was a huge concern for me when I was 10.”

“Jim!” Jim and Pam turned at the sound of Toby’s voice.

Pam smiled at one of her favorite office mates, “Toby!” She noticed that Sasha was already running open-armed towards Jim. He leaned down helpfully so that she could climb up on to his shoulders. From on high, the little girl started pointing at all the rides and prizes she wanted.

Toby looked from Jim to Pam speculatively, “Hey, so hanging out?”

“Avoiding Michael,” Pam stage whispered. “He’s here somewhere with Jan. Oh, and Dwight’s here, too.”

Toby sighed.

Jim entered the conversation, “I’m taking the little lady over to win her a giant Spongebob, ‘k?”

“Sure, great,” Toby barely watched as Jim carried his daughter off. “So, Pam, do you like the rides? I’ve got some extra tickets if you like the Zipper, or whatever.”

Pam’s voice was worried, “So do you think any of them suspect?”

In the darkness, Jim’s voice was cheerful. “Oh absolutely. Sasha’s no dummy.”

“No, come on, be serious. Do you think Michael guesses? Because he’s going to be awful.” There was an undercurrent of fear in her voice.

Suddenly a burst of color illuminated the parking lot.

Involuntarily, Pam cried out, “Ooooh!”

“Nice one,” Jim agreed. “Nah, everyone thinks we’re just pals hanging out.”

The night seemed darker after the last of the firework faded.

“Thank you for the doll,” Pam snuggled closer to him.

“Yeah, well.” He smiled. “Everyone needs a Dora the Explorer doll for their mantelpiece.”

“I don’t have a mantel,” Pam reminded him.

Another firework burst above them. A giant white willow that wept across the sky.

“Well then, I’ll have to win you one at next year’s fair,” Jim hugged Pam closer to him. Dora the Explorer looked on from her prime spot in the front seat of his car.