Chapter 2

    Pam silently slid in through her front door, and gently closed it behind her. The dark small living room engulfing her frail delicate frame. She leaned her body against the solid door and clutched her purse between her thin cold fingers. Exhaling loudly she closed her eyes, her bottom lip quivering. She nodded silently to herself, in the empty darkness, as she decided to wait to speak to Roy until morning. She realized that if she spoke to him that night it wouldn’t be a pretty ending. She wanted this break up to be more than amicable because of their history together. She also hoped that in the morning the puffiness around her eyes would subside.

    Slowly, she pulled herself away from the door and headed into their small bathroom. Feeling her way down the hall, her thin fingers running along the wall reaching for the door frame. When she stepped into the chilly bathroom, she didn't turn the light on but stood in front of the sink, pulling the medicine cabinet door open. She reached her hand in behind the mirror and pulled out a small, round bottle.

    Her head was pounding from the tears she shed earlier. She was positive the dreams and nightmares that would appear to her that evening would not allow her a wink of sleep. She poured two sleeping pills into her palm from the tiny bottle, and placed it back into the medicine cabinet. Popping the two pills on her tongue and leaning down to the faucet she filled her mouth with a gulp of water. Then tossing her head back to allow the water and the two white pills, to slip down her throat easily. This movement was almost routine for Pam now, always desperate for a quiet nights rest.

    She began taking the sleeping pills on a regular basis once Roy decided to set a wedding date. She was anxious, for years, to finally start this chapter in their lives but the fact that it was actually going to happen frightened her. There were so many nights where she laid in bed awake, staring up at the ceiling for hours. The pills became the only thing that could calm her constantly moving mind. She was taking them every night now.

    Stepping back out into the vast darkness, she skimmed her fingers along the wall back out to the living room. She brushed against the couch and sat down pulling the soft cashmere blanket down from the back, wrapping herself up in it. Her body tilted sideways and she placed her head down on the soft throw pillow, curling her legs up underneath her.

    Instead of trying to fumble her way to the bedroom and possibly waking up Roy, she decided to sleep in the living room on the couch, in her dress. If Roy asked her in the morning why she didn't change she would just tell him she didn't want to wake him; the real reason she would keep to herself.

    She wanted to place her hands over her stomach and continue to feel Jim's warmth upon the fabric. Hopelessly wanting to be close to him tonight; she needed to know he was still there for her, even if he wasn't physically there. She eventually fell asleep, the effects of the sleeping pills washing over her and allowing her a moment of peace. She dreamt of him, and of Roy. Some were sad, some were happy but all ended the same... she was alone.