By the time Pam stepped out of the bathroom Roy was already up and sitting at the kitchen table, his hair ruffled and wearing a white undershirt and his work pants. He looked up at her over his bowl of cereal and spooned a bite into his mouth.
"Hey babe. What time did you get home last night?"
She sat down in the opposite chair and fiddled with her necklace. "Oh, not that late. Are you going to be ready to leave in 10 minutes?"
"Yea, I just gotta put on my shirt and comb my hair. Oh and now that you're outta the bathroom I can brush my teeth." He stood up and tossed the empty bowl into the kitchen sink.
"Good. Well I'll just... sit here." Pam's voice was quiet and she was sure Roy didn't hear her.
Her mind was spinning while she tried to calculate how to deal with all of the change. She wanted to talk to Roy, wanted to explain things to him but she was scared. They had been together for so long that the idea of being apart was daunting. She was staring out the window when he walked back into the kitchen.
"Ready?"
"Oh! Yes, sorry I was just... thinking. Yep, let's go."
She stood up and grabbed her purse off the counter and slung it over her shoulder giving him a small smile. He gently placed his hand on the small of her back to guide her to the front door. That simple gesture, that Roy did every day and never realized, was now causing her to be acutely aware of each pressure point on his hand. Each finger tip and the way his palm touched her cardigan was causing a slight chill to crawl up her spine, and the hair on the back of her neck was standing on end. She wanted to pull away, wanted to run, wanted to shrug him away but knew she couldn't, not yet at least. So she bowed her head and let him lead her like he did for the last 10 years of her life.
***
When Roy pulled in to the parking lot at work Pam couldn't bring herself to look up and scan the asphalt for Jim's car. She wasn't sure her stomach could handle the emotion that would consume her. She shyly said goodbye to Roy and stepped onto the elevator while he turned toward the warehouse. She stepped into the small metal chamber and watched the doors close in front of her. She was trying to imagine what it would be like at work now between her and Jim. How could she possibly sit a few feet away from him and expect things to ever go back to normal?
When the ding from the elevator went off it snapped her back to reality and she cautiously walked toward the office. She paused in front of the door for a moment with her hand hovering over the handle as if expecting it to burn her. She kept thinking, "It's okay, just go in, everything will be... just fine. Don't forget to breathe." She knew, however, that it was not going to be and that's what was ultimately stopping her. Suddenly she felt a tap on her shoulder.
"Pam?"
"Oh geez!" She quickly turned to see Phyllis Lapin, one of her co-workers, standing behind her. Phyllis was a kind woman, she had a smile that could warm up any one and was always very pleasant to Pam.
"Are you okay dear?" She gently placed her hand on Pam's shoulder and tilted her head to the side in a loving nature.
"Oh yes, I'm sorry, I... thought I forgot something in Roy's truck... Sorry, let me..." She quickly pushed open the door and felt her stomach drop as she walked towards her desk.
"Oh, okay. Wasn't last night fun? Bob Vance and I had a wonderful time. It's too bad Michael scheduled it on a Wednesday." They both walked inside together, Pam not hearing what Phyllis was saying, her mind occupied with other things. Her eyes quickly darted to Jim's desk, it looked just the way she had left it the night before. His chair slightly turned and pulled away from his desk, and she could feel her lungs filling back up with air.
"What? Oh...right, yeah it would've been nice to have it on a Friday, but... that's Michael." She dropped her purse under her desk and slumped down in her chair. Phyllis continued over to her own desk walking by Jim's. Pam's stomach gave a small lurch as she watched Phyllis walk by his desk. She was afraid that Phyllis might be able to sense what had happened the night before. Maybe there was something in the air now, that would cause all of her co-workers to know everything. To her relief Phyllis didn't react, she just walked to her desk calmly and sat down like she does every other day.
Pam sat for a moment staring at Jim's desk, noticing how empty it looked, how lonely it appeared. Images from the night before were flashing through her mind. Her eyes moved over to his phone and she thought of her mom, then to his chair and she thought of her hands pushing it away. Everything that that space was, reminded her of him, of them, of the good times, the bad times, everything, and now she was scared. This small moment, the small action that occurred was forever changing her life.
She slid over a small notepad in front of her and pulled a pen from her pencil holder and found herself staring at the metal cup. Her eyes fell to the desk and she smiled in remembrance, she got a good deal on that pencil holder. She realized at that moment, things would never be the same no matter how much she wanted them to be.
Author's Chapter Notes:
Wow it's been awhile since I updated this story, my bad!
You might want to re-glance over chapter 2 but it's not necessary or anything. Here's the next installment, with chapter 4 on it's way.
Thanks to Cousin Mose for being a great beta!
updated: 07/18/08
Chapter End Notes:
Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.
