Author's Chapter Notes:
How Pam breaks up with Roy.
When Pam got home a little while later, Roy was relaxing on the couch his left arm slung over the back and his legs tossed up on the coffee table. She opened the door and startled him. He sat up quickly and brushed his hands over his shirt tossing crumbs onto the floor.
"Hey babe, so... uh did you go talk to him?" He didn't stand up but just turned his body toward her.
Pam nodded and set her purse down.
"What'd he say?"
She sighed and shrugged her jacket off of her shoulders while collecting her thoughts.
"Apparently the Stamford branch has an Assistant Regional Manager's position, Jan thought of him."
She rubbed her palms over her skirt fabric a few times, trying to rub some sort of sensation back in to her skin.
"This is the first you heard of it? That doesn't seem cool."
"Yeah, well I guess he didn't really know until last night and, um, Jan needed an answer. He just didn't have a chance to tell me, really."
She was making excuses again. This time, however, she wasn't sure if it was to spare Roy or to spare her own feelings.
"Hmmm."
Roy turned back around to the television and turned the sound up. The room filled up with the sound of cheering and Pam continued her way down the hallway.
"I'm going to get on the computer for a little bit."
She called out to the living room. She wanted some peace and quite and to mull things over in her head. Roy didn't respond or get up, she knew that their little office was going to be all her's for at least an hour without interruption. When Roy got into a game he didn't come up for air until it was over.
She flicked the light switch on and the lamp across the room lit up. A golden aura flooded the small space. It was a second bedroom that she tried to keep tidy and neat. There was a bookshelf, with novels and sketch books she'd accumulated over the years, in the corner. She remembers when she brought home her first figurative drawing book. Roy had given her such a hard time about it. He had snatched it from her hands and flipped through it briskly. He noticed the naked bodies passing by on the pages and he stopped and stared, teasing her for buying pornography. She tried to explain that it was art, at which time he replied "art fart". Roy never understood her, and she'd always known it, just never bothered to acknowledge it. Not until last night of course. Not until Jim put his hands on her face and held her so close that she realized maybe she should.
*****
Pam sat Roy down in the living room just after breakfast Saturday morning. Each of them were sitting on an end of the couch. He curled up his left leg under his body and tossed his arm across the back of the couch, turning himself towards her. She sat with both feet planted firmly on the floor and her hands in her lap. Her fingers tightly gripping around each other, wringing them firmly.
"Hey, babe. What's wrong?" He tilted his head in compassion.
"We need to talk... about, us." She lowered her head down and stared at her hands.
"What'd I do now?"
"Nothing, no it's not like that. I-I don't think I can do this... anymore. I feel like we've grown apart."
"What?"
"Us Roy, I think it's time."
"Wait... are you breaking up with me?" He raised his voice slightly, fear quivering in his words.
She nodded, "Yes, but... Roy," Pam turned her head slightly to look at him, but her eyes stayed lowered; she couldn't bear to see the look on his face.
"No. Wait... what's the deal? What's happened?"
"We've changed Roy. I'm not that girl you met in high school... and you're not the boy, it's just it's different now. I think it's time."
"No. No I can change, what do you want me to do? I'll do it, I'll be better whatever you need." He pushed himself up onto his leg, moving his large build closer to her.
"There's nothing you can do Roy, it's over. I'm sorry." She stood up quickly and placed her face in her hands, crying as she ran down the hallway to the bathroom, slamming the door behind her.
"NO! Pammy!" He called after her, but didn't follow.
He sat on the couch for a few minutes trying to collect his thoughts and could hear her cries echo on the tile in the bathroom. He was stunned, shocked in fact. He never saw this coming; he never could have anticipated this move on her part at all.
He stood up and walked solemnly to the bedroom. Pam could hear his large footsteps crossing the carpet as he passed by her. He reached into the closet and pulled down a duffel bag. Tossing it onto the bed and filling it with his work uniform, pants, socks everything he would need for a week away. After zipping the bag up and tossing it over his shoulder he stepped out of the bedroom door and stared silently at the bathroom. Wishing he could see her, somehow. He walked towards it and placed his large hand over the white paint, and leaned in towards it.
"Pammy? I'm going to Kenny's for the week. I'm going to give you some time to think about this, I think that's all you need, time."
Pam was on the other side mirroring Roy's actions. Her head leaning onto the door and her left hand pressing against the wood. Her engagement ring still on her finger, for now. She didn't speak, just heard his hand slide down and his feet walk away. The front door opened then shut and she heard the key turn in the lock.
That was the hardest thing she ever had to do, and it was so simple, so few words, yet life altering. She had always imagined it a lot louder, a lot longer, a lot more exhausting but in reality it hadn't been. She carefully opened the bathroom door and peered out into the living room. He was gone. She walked out of the small space and went into her bedroom, reaching for the telephone. Silent tears were streaking her cheeks as she dialed.
"Hello?"
"Mom..."
"Pam? Honey are you okay?"
"Yes, it's over... Roy, I did it, he's gone." She pressed her fingers on her forehead and leaned forward, her fingers clutching the phone to her ear.
"Honey, I'm planning on driving today to see you. I'll be there in a couple hours okay? Are you going to be home?"
"Don't... don't do that mom, you don't need to come. I just sort of want to be alone... today."
"Are you sure? What about tomorrow? You really shouldn't be alone right now Pam."
"You're probably right but I just need to."
"Have you spoken to Jim yet?"
"No, not since Thursday. I'm not ready."
"Thursday? Did you two talk it over? Wasn't he at work yesterday?"
"No, he's gone too."
"What?"
"He's transferred, to Stamford. He's going to be their Assistant Regional M-Manager." She stuttered and felt more tears welling in her eyes, it was too much.
"Wow, start from the beginning."
"It's, so I was on the phone with you, he showed up in the office and he kissed me. I told him I was still marrying Roy, I don't know where that came from, and then he left, I went home. Uh... the next morning Michael said he was gone. Just like that mom. Just, just like that. He didn't tell me. He, he never said anything to me. He tells me he loves me and kisses me and then he leaves. I-I don't get it!"
Her heart raced and anger began to build.
"What the hell? He's my best friend and I thought I was his. There's no way that he didn't know about this job before Thursday. There just isn't! He had a doctor's appointment in the city last week. I bet it was an interview with Jan. Had to be. He's been planning this and then he springs his last move on me and then doesn't even give me a chance to think! What was I supposed to do? What did he expect of me mom?" She took a handful of deep breathes and just let the tears fiercely roll down her face.
"Did you ask him?"
"Well, I left work and ran to his place and he wasn't there, then I stupidly fell asleep in the truck. He showed up and woke me up and I... No, no I didn't ask him. You know how it is? I asked him about Stamford. He said that Jan offered it to him Wednesday night and that he needed to give her an answer. That's not how it works! I know he's been working on this. He said he just can't stay any longer. I didn't know, he never told me before. Well, maybe I knew. I don't know what I knew. I had felt it, I thought maybe but you know I was with Roy and sometimes he had a girlfriend and it... well, it was really easy to forget about Roy with Jim. Maybe it's my fault. I never established the right boundaries. What am I going to do mom? I just broke up with Roy so I can be with Jim and Jim leaves and we're not even talking. I'm an idiot."
"Honey, you're not an idiot. Why don't you call Jim?"
"I can't. I just can't. Oh crap, oh no."
"What is it?"
"The wedding... I-I have to cancel everything. I have to, mom do you think you can help? Will you come tomorrow? Yeah, I need to take care of everything soon. I can't do this."
"I'll come over tomorrow but you don't need to do all of this at once. You're going to over do it, just relax today. Don't worry about anything."
"Yeah, you're right I really shouldn't. No, you're right. Well I think I'm going to make myself a cup of tea and just sit on the patio out back. The air might be good."
"Okay pumpkin, I love you. Call me if you need anything."
"I love you too mom. Bye"
"Bye."
Pam set the phone back down on the nightstand and stared at the pattern of the bedspread for a moment. Then she fell forward crashing onto the soft mattress, face first, and continued to cry. She felt like she was purging every emotion she had held in for the past three years, finally cleansing the truth from her heart.
The rest of her life had started on this day.
Chapter End Notes:
Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.
