INT. THE OFFICE- JIM AND DWIGHT’S DESKS
Jim and Dwight are working at their desks quietly. Jim
looks over to Pam and nods. She nods back and leans
forward.
PAM
Hey, Jim, I was wondering… are there
any famous Halperts?
JIM
Hm. Don’t know. Never heard of any…
Dwight laughs. Jim turns to him.
JIM
Something to add, Dwight?
DWIGHT
The answer to that, Pam, is NO. Slackers
can’t be famous. And Jim here, no doubt,
comes from a long line of slackers.
JIM
That’s VERY insulting, Dwight.
DWIGHT
Well, live with it. Accept your
ancestral mediocrity.
PAM
Are there any famous Schrutes?
DWIGHT
My grandfather was very famous, as a matter
of fact. He became very well known during
World War II.
JIM
Yeah, well, uh… being a war criminal
will do that.
DWIGHT
(annoyed)
He was NOT a war criminal!(beat)
Those pictures don’t prove a thing.
Jim gives a Jim face to the camera and then gets on his computer.
JIM
Well, harnessing the awesome power of
Google… We will find a famous Schrute.
Pam comes over to Jim’s desk.
PAM
I HAVE to see this.
Dwight rolls his eyes and continues to work. Jim and
Pam lean closer to Jim’s monitor.
PAM
(pointing)
Hey, what’s this? Click on that.
JIM
Oh my God, this is incredible.
Kurt D. Schrute… musician?
DWIGHT
What?
PAM
Yeah, he has a Blogger page. Wow, his bio
says he was born in Pennsylvania but moved
to Bakersfield, California right after he
was born!
(Pam stares wide-eyed at Dwight)
Isn’t your birthday February 12th too,
Dwight?
Dwight comes over to Jim’s monitor and stares.
DWIGHT
Yes! This… is incredible.
JIM
It says here that he is a master of the lute,
the fife and the piccolo… And he has three
self-published CD’s. “Ode to Caprica Six”,
“Death Star Blues” and… “Rock Hobbitt"?
(laughs)
You GOTTA be kidding me.
DWIGHT
This is not funny!
(Pushing in and getting really close to
the screen)
This could be a… a monumental discovery!
Is… is there a picture of him?
JIM
Let’s see… yup!
Jim clicks and we see a picture of a man that looks exactly like Dwight-only with long, hippie-like blonde hair. He is wearing a t-shirt, shorts and sandals and is holding a lute.
DWIGHT
Oh my God.
Jim and Pam struggle mightily to keep the laughter in as Dwight gently touches the screen.
JIM
You mentioned that when you were in the womb
you absorbed your brothers’ fetus… are you
SURE of that?
Dwight stares open-mouthed at Jim and then back at the screen.
JIM AND PAM TALKING HEAD
The two are laughing, trying to compose themselves. Finally, Jim does.
JIM
Ladies and gentlemen, Ms. Pam Beesly.
Jim claps as Pam takes a bow.
JIM
Pam has become EXCEPTIONALLY
proficient in Photoshop…
PAM
Only because a wonderful, wonderful
man INSISTED on paying for courses…
JIM
What? You didn’t mention that. Who…?
Pam giggles while Jim has a smirk for the camera.
PAM
(suddenly serious)
Jim. I just realized. With our combined
skills of Photoshop, advanced prankery and
internet manipulation… we may very well be…
(beat) The most dangerous couple on earth.
The two stare at each other.
JIM
Take me. Now.
Both burst out laughing.
Author's Chapter Notes:
Wow. I couldn’t dream up any new Cold Openings for about 2 days before the season premiere. I was just too wired. I couldn’t wait to see it and boy, it was worth it. Hilarious. And Jim and Pam? I’m a grown man that loves football, cartoons and Jet Li movies and I can’t look at that Entertainment Weekly cover of those two holding hands without staring at it and smiling. Good, good stuff.
Well, I came up with some more C/O’s… hope you guys like!
Well, I came up with some more C/O’s… hope you guys like!
