INT.-MICHAEL’S KITCHEN
It is first thing in the morning. Michael is looking into the cabinets. He closes them after getting what he needs and comes over to the camera.
MICHAEL
(quietly)
Because of some um… recent additional
expenses…(beat) I, um… I’ve decided to
start bringing in my lunch. On occasion,
not every day. You know… just to save a
few bucks here and there… to make up for…
the ones being spent(beat) elsewhere.
Michael sighs and then is silent. We can hear loud snoring in the background. Michael looks back to the bedroom and then continues.
MICHAEL
So, um… I picked up some of these ah…
hearty, nutritional, pre-packaged soup…
um… bowl thingies…
(shows them to the camera)
and I will take them to work in these cool
bags I stole from Walmart.
Michael lifts a huge, flat pile of white Walmart bags, obviously taken from the checkout line. They are all still connected at the top.
MICHAEL
AH… not stole. The word “stole” implies that
I, um… stole them. No. You can’t steal
something free… no matter… how many you took.
Besides the girl didn’t say a word. She just,
uh… stared at me really hard.(beat)ANYWHO, um…
I’ll just drop one of these bowl things into a
bag and I am set. How much money do I save there?
Ten, fifteen bucks? Incredible. So, let’s just…
Michael takes one of the bags off and tries to open it. He
cannot get the plastic apart. He shakes the bag out and tries again. Nothing. He wets his thumb and index fingers and tries again. No. We then see a series of shots. Michael trying to slide a butterknife into the opening. Michael using a piece of Scotch tape to try to lift one end up. Michael blowing furiously on the top as he tries to separate it. Finally we see a crouching Michael holding the bag flat on the edge of the kitchen counter. He is carefully pulling with a tweezer when suddenly he gets it open.
MICHAEL
Yes! Wow… that was a battle. But, I won…
you old bag!
(laughs)
Ok! Let’s get out of here, we’re gonna be
late…
Michael picks up the soup bowl and drops it into the bag. The soup bowl slides all the way through the bag and out the bottom, which was not sealed. It hits the floor. The bowl cracks and dry noodles and other contents spill out.
MICHAEL
OH, FOR…! Jeez! Man!
(puts head in hand and then
looks at camera)
Damn Walmart… I bet the bags I
took from Target are a LOT sturdier.
Author's Chapter Notes:
I've had this idea for a sight gag for awhile now... but with no place to use it. But the Cold Opening of the season premiere gave me the opportunity....
