MICHAEL TALKING HEAD

MICHAEL
You know, last night I was thinking about
what happened to Jan at Dunder-Mifflin
headquarters… you know, just how… cutthroat
and… wrong it was… Ah… well, it was sorta…
less me thinking about it and more Jan (beat)
going on and on about it… Anyway, I was
thinking that you need… allies in this busi-
ness.

INT. THE OFFICE

We see Jim standing with Kevin and Oscar near their desks. Kevin says something and then Jim responds, making Oscar and Kevin both laugh. A seated Angela shakes her head, but
even she has to suppress a smile. Over at his office door, Michael watches. Then we see Jim chatting with Stanley and Phyllis. Meredith comes over as well. Again, Jim says something amusing and all three laugh. Then Meredith makes a flirtatious gesture and strolls away. This amuses Stanley and Phyllis even more. They start to obviously tease a mortified Jim. He shakes his head at the two but has to laugh at the situation. We then see Michael watching through the blinds of the kitchen door.


MICHAEL(voiceover)
You need… people who are popular and well-liked
on your side. Battle buddies. Cause they can protect you when
corporate thinks you’re crazy. And who’s the
most popular person here?
(beat, then laughs)
Well, besides me, of course! I can’t be my own
ally… right? No. No, that doesn’t make sense.
(beat) Anyway, I’m talking about Jim, who is…
you know, loved here, revered… a REAL straight
shooter.(beat) That’s what Pam said!
(laughs then stops)
Uh… don’t… tell her I said that. But anyway, I
know Jim and I are buds but… I think I should…
reinforce that connection.

INT. BREAKROOM

Jim is getting a grape soda out of the vending machine when Michael comes in.

MICHAEL
Jimbo! Jimbalaya! Jim-Jimmeree,
Jim-Jimmeree, Jim-Jim-Jiree!

JIM
Wow, that’s… that’s a new one.

MICHAEL
Yeah, thought of it in the shower this
morning. Ah…

Jim shoots an alarmed look at the camera.

MICHAEL(continued)
I was looking at Corollas on line. You know,
just ah… reading about them… love those cars…
and I was… uh… noticing that even the older
models sorta, kinda keep their value…(beat)
not really. Um… how’s yours doing?

JIM
Um… not sure. I uh… sold it about a… year
and a half ago. I’ve been driving a Saab
since I’ve been back in Scranton.

MICHAEL
Oh! Wow, I didn’t even… ah… Wow. Saab.
What… what is that… Dutch?

INT. THE KITCHEN-DAY 2

Jim is carrying a mug of tea towards the door. Michael enters and blocks the way.

MICHAEL
Hey, Jimbo(beat) ah, Jim. Hm, drinking tea, huh?
Healthy choice there, Mr. Halpert.

JIM
This is for Pam.

MICHAEL
Wow… whipped already, huh?
(laughs then stops when he sees
Jim is not amused)
Ah… not that you are… you’re just (beat) nice…
Um… SO, how did those Eagles do last night?

JIM
Today is Thursday, Michael.

MICHAEL
Oh… so… they had an off-day, huh?

JIM
They played last Sunday. You DO understand
that they generally only play once a week,
right?

MICHAEL
Oh, YEAH, of course…
(shakes head)
Wow, really? Don’t they play like…
30-something games? That must take
all year!

Jim looks at the camera like “Help me, please.”

MICHAEL TALKING HEAD

Michael is in his usual place in his office but in his hands is a copy of Football For Dummies.

MICHAEL
Yeah, uh… it’s going, um… good. We’ve been
really bonding… He will be very valuable if
the current regime makes a move on me. It’ll
be good to know that Jim Halpert has my
backside covered.
(smiles)
That’s what Pam…
(stops himself, shakes his head and then waves
the camera off)