EXT. PARKING LOT

Pam and Jim drive up in her car. Jim gets out and comes around to the driver’s side. Pam lowers her window.

JIM
Have a productive day off, Pam. I wish
you could just relax.

PAM
Art IS relaxing… well… this project
isn’t so relaxing but it’s fun.

JIM
Ok. Well…
(kisses Pam)
I know you’ll do a great job.

PAM
Thanks! Pick you up later!

Pam drives off and Jim waves. Michael walks up to him, having just gotten out of his car.

MICHAEL
Morning! JimJam! Getting
dropped off in the… Pam-Mobile.
(frowns)

JIM
Really?

MICHAEL
No… not… um…

JIM
Pamcruiser.

MICHAEL
Yes!
(frowns again, then under breath)
Dammit.

Jim smiles at camera as Michael thinks hard. The two start to walk towards the main doors of the office park.

MICHAEL
Pambulance!

JIM
Am I… injured? ‘Cause, I don’t feel…

MICHAEL
Pssshhhh… just…
(shakes head)

Jim and Michael reach the doors. Jim opens and they step into the lobby.

INT. BUILDING LOBBY(continuous)

MICHAEL
Hey… So, um… Jim…

JIM
No.

MICHAEL
But…

JIM
Why do I have to keep telling you
this? I’m not telling you about
our sex life.

MICHAEL
Aw, come on!

Jim rings for the elevator.

JIM
(shaking head)
Don’t believe this…

MICHAEL
That’s not fair! I told you about
me and Jan!

JIM
Until I ran away screaming.

MICHAEL
Yeah, that was weird.

The elevator comes and they get on. The camera follows.

INT. ELEVATOR(continuous)


JIM
I feel another scream. Building…
(waves hand in front of chest)
In this area…

MICHAEL
(hands raised)
Ok. Ok. Listen. If you tell me…

JIM
Not gonna.

MICHAEL
I promise. PROMISE. To never ask
you about, uh… anything. Ever again.
(looks at camera solemnly)

JIM
Don’t know how you can promise that.

MICHAEL
I do. NEVER AGAIN.

Jim appears to think about this. Michael stares at him, hoping.

JIM
Ok. You know what? You sold me.
That was quite a guarantee you
laid out… so… let’s talk sex.

MICHAEL
YES.
(to camera)
Got ‘em.
SUCKER.

JIM
Kinda heard that.

MICHAEL
Um… heard what?

Jim shakes his head and rubs his face. The elevator gets to their floor. They get off but Michael pulls Jim away from the D-M offices, further down the hall. He looks at Jim like a big puppy.

INT. HALLWAY(continuous)

JIM
Ok. Can’t believe I’m doing this…
but… here goes.

MICHAEL
Alright!! Details! Now…
Pam’s breasts… handful, or…?

JIM
You want me to tell you or not?

MICHAEL
Sorry.

JIM
Ok. Well… the first time… wow… it
was… Well, it started awkward ‘cause
we had to go back to my place for
the suits. But after that…

MICHAEL
Wait. Suits?

JIM
Yeah. The… Bio-Environmental
Copulation Suits. The safest
in safe sex. Never heard of
‘em?

MICHAEL
Oh… yeah, I… no.

JIM
Sex is dangerous, Michael.
A minefield of diseases.
One wrong step… boom.

MICHAEL
(covering his crotch)
Ow.

JIM
You put these suits on… You’re good.
Covered from head to toe. A heated gel
flows through the suits while your
erogenous zones are slightly jolted
with electricity. You listen to music
through headphones.(beat) So hot.

MICHAEL
But… but, where… where’s the sex?
When do you touch each other?

JIM
We held hands. It was beautiful.

MICHAEL
You GOTTA be friggin’…(beat)did you…
do this with Karen and Katy?

JIM
No… What I did with Karen and Katy
was(beat)animalistic… dirty…
(shakes head)
disgusting.

MICHAEL
Oh… um… can you tell me about that,
then?

JIM
Not part of the deal.

MICHAEL
I… this is…(Sighs)Alright...thanks for nothing,
freak show...

Michael walks away and Jim unveils a classic Jim face for the camera.

JIM TALKING HEAD

JIM
Bio-Environmental
Copulation Suits.
(smiles)
Pam will be SO proud…