Author's Chapter Notes:
Songs gets referenced (and credited) all the time here so I better do likewise. There are two recordings with this title. One is the classic by Willie Hutch from the 1973 Blaxploitation film "The Mack" and the other is one of my top five favorite Public Enemy tracks. Hope you like!
INT. MICHAEL’S OFFICE
Michael is seated at his desk. We see Daryl and Stanley standing in front of the desk, looking at each other like “Ok, what the hell is THIS all about?”
MICHAEL
Gentlemen… I’m sure you’re both
wondering why I summoned you here.
DARYL AND STANLEY
(in unison)
Because we’re both black?
MICHAEL
NO. No, no, no, no…(beat)
Because you are both AFRICAN-
AMERICAN.
(nods head)
Must use the correct terminology, guys.
(looks at camera)
Don’t want to offend any black people.
STANLEY
(heading for the door)
We’re done here.
DARYL
Wait up.
MICHAEL
(leaping up)
Ok, come on, wait, wait, wait!
Michael pulls the two back in and closes the door.
MICHAEL
Come on, guys, I need advice!
I don’t know what to do! I…
I need to know how the brothas
handle they bitches, you know?
When they get out of line.
STANLEY
(really upset)
You know what? First of all…
Daryl puts a hand on Stanley’s arm and stops him.
DARYL
What’s up, Mike? Jan giving you static?
MICHAEL
Oh, yeah… man. Crazy static. Like AM
radio in a… tunnel… static.
DARYL
(smiling slyly at Stanley)
Aw, come on, man. We GOTTA help a
brotha out.
Stanley fights back a smile.
STANLEY
Alright, ok… let’s school this fool.
Daryl stares at Stanley, trying not to laugh. Stanley shrugs almost imperceptibly and covers up a smile of his own.
MICHAEL
YES!
(runs back to his chair)
Ok, double-team me!
(frowns)
Uhhhh… wait…
DARYL
So what’s up with your ho, Mike?
MICHAEL
Yo… my ho is cold stressin’ me, du.
Money is mad tight and… and she is
constantly beefin’ with me. But she
don’t wanna work, you know?
(shakes head)
Bitch be LAZY.
Stanley and Daryl shake their heads.
STANLEY
I am coming over to your house and
PERSONALLY putting a channel block
on BET.
Daryl stifles a laugh.
DARYL
See, Mike, what you gotta do is… you
gotta treat Jan like she’s on the
STROLL for you. Makin’ your money.
So you gotta have the backhand READY.
Daryl raises his right hand into the prime backslap position. Stanley nods.
STANLEY
Keep your pimp hand STRONG.
Daryl looks again at Stanley, smiling.
MICHAEL
Well, Gee… I don’t wanna go all…
Nat and Tina Turner on her, y’know?
DARYL
I think you mean Ike and Tina Turner.
MICHAEL
NO, Daryl, Ike Turner was a very angry
and violent slave. NAT Turner was a musician
who beat the living crap outta Tina Turner.
Haven’t you ever seen, um… what’s that movie?
Um… “What’s That Got To Do With It?”
(looks at camera, then sincerely)
Who needs a heart when your arms can
be broken?
Daryl stares at Michael and then the camera.
MICHAEL
(shaking head)
Besides I don’t want to hit Jan.
She might…
STANLEY
Kill you?
MICHAEL
Yes.
DARYL
Well, we weren’t saying you should
hit her. It shouldn’t come to that.
STANLEY
No, never.
DARYL
You’re just showing it to her. Like a
threat. And then you say “Is Michael
Scott gonna have to smack a bitch?”
This almost kills Stanley, who covers by coughing loudly.
MICHAEL
Hmmm… I’m gonna have to think about
that. That… um… might be an option.
(laughs)
I guess.
DARYL
(rising)
Ok, well… if that’s all…
MICHAEL
Oh, oh, wait. I need a new, um… from
the hood saying. I’m wearing Dinkin
Flicka OUT, y’know? I gotta be up to
date for my peeps.
DARYL
(smiling)
Oh, yeah… hit him with a new phrase, Stan.
STANLEY
Um… uhhhhh… ok, um… when something is
really cool you say… ummmmm… “Pound ten
on your cell”.
MICHAEL
HEY. I LIKE that. Could you use it
in a sentence for me?
STANLEY
Uh…
DARYL
You know, somebody might say “Yo, man.
How was the Bourne Supremacy, I heard
it was fly.” And YOU say “Yo, pound ten
on your CELL, son!”
MICHAEL
(happy)
LOVE IT. Oh, man. (beat)
You know, we should do this
more often.
Daryl and Stanley look at each other, smiling.
DARYL AND STANLEY TALKING HEAD
We see Daryl and Stanley sitting in the conference room laughing.
STANLEY
(smiling)
You’re gonna get that boy killed
one day, you know that?
DARYL
Nah, man, he would NEVER
step to Jan like that. He’s safe.
And as far as the sayings go, you
and I are the only black people he
knows.
DARYL AND STANLEY(in unison)
African American!
They both laugh.
