INT. THE OFFICE-RECEPTION DESK
A tired and dejected Pam enters the office. She hangs her coat up and starts to sit.
MICHAEL(off-screen)
Pam! Pam!
Pam sighs and looks over at Michael, who is across the office fiddling with the copier.
PAM
What?
MICHAEL
Come here! I... kinda need
your help here.
Pam sighs and walks over to Michael.
INT. THE OFFICE-COPIER(continuous)
Pam stops and stares at the copier. The doors to the front are open and the interior is pulled out. On top of the copier glass sits two green knobs. Michael is standing in front of the copier, embarrassed.
PAM
What happened here? Did you take
those knobs off?
MICHAEL
Well, it said there was a paper jam and
I opened it and... I didn't TAKE them off.
(beat)Not on.. purpose.
Pam groans and picks up one of the knobs.
MICHAEL
Hey, something's wrong with those things.
They won't go back on.
PAM
(crouching to fix Michael's mess)
Maybe you didn't put them on right.
MICHAEL
(indignant)
Excuse me, but I know how to put
screws and nuts and... knobs on
right. I just remember the old rule.
"Lefty-Loosey, Tighty-Whiteys".
(looks at camera)
Learned that in shop class.
Pam stares at him and then the camera.
MICHAEL
Taught ya something, huh?
PAM
(putting knobs back on)
Yes, Michael. I now know the right
direction to screw my underwear on
in the morning.
Pam pulls a crumpled sheet from the copier and closes it up. Michael snickers.
PAM
(tiredly)
What now?
MICHAEL
(smiling)
You... you said screw.
Pam shakes her head and finishes up. She gestures to Michael like "See?" and starts to walk away.
MICHAEL
Thanks, Pam... Hey, you’re here
pretty early. Where’s Jim?
PAM
(stopping)
Oh, uh… he’s, um… at home.
(beat, then low)
Probably.
MICHAEL
Wow… You guys had a fight,
huh?
PAM
(coming back to Michael)
What? No! No, we… we didn’t…
MICHAEL
Jim and Pam had a fight.
(looks at camera)
Don’t believe it. What happened?
PAM
Nothing happened. We… we didn’t…
Pam looks at the camera, then Michael and then noticeably sags.
PAM
(slumping in chair)
I don’t know what happened. I
mean, yesterday was just a really
crappy day here with you… uh…
um… trying… to make the best of it.
MICHEAL
(to camera)
I try. I really do.
PAM
(cutting a quick look at the camera)
Yeah. Um… then we went home. And
we were both really tired. And… I
said something I probably should’ve…
thought more about first and then Jim
said something jokey but kinda mean/
jokey and then I said something kinda…
(shakes head)
and then he left.
(puts head in hands)
I don’t know what happened. Every-
thing’s been so great and then this…
MICHAEL
Roy, right?
PAM
(staring)
How did you…?
MICHAEL
You know, Pam… I know it’s over
to YOU but… Roy is still a touchy
subject with Jim. That’s still in
his head a bit. If you bring him up
sometimes… (shrugs)
PAM
(sadly)
I know… but I wasn’t comparing,
I SWEAR. I would never…
(stops and stares at Michael, then smiles)
Oh, that’s… that’s good.
(looks around the office)
Alright Jim, come on out. Come
on.
MICHAEL
What are you… I thought you said
Jim was home. He’s not here.
PAM
Uh huh. JIM!
MICHAEL
He’s not here! Jeez, Pam! Ever since
you guys came out…
(looks at camera)
Well… not… you know. Uh… I’ve been
watching you two. I’ve learned to
pick up on your wavelengths. See
the signals. Wow. Is… is that so hard
to believe that I could know?
There is a long pause as Pam looks at Michael and then the camera.
PAM
(loudly)
JIM! Come on, this isn’t funny!
(then quietly)
Michael is frightening me.
MICHAEL
(annoyed)
You know what...
(shakes head)
Look... Pam, you and Jim are
MEANT to be together. This is
just a stupid little bump in
the road. Call him up, apologize,
he'll do the same and that's it.
Over. Go back to being everybody's
favorite couple.
Pam looks at the camera like "Who is this guy?!?"
MICHAEL
Come on.
Pam tentatively pulls out her cell.
MICHAEL
Good. Be back.
Michael walks off. Pam stares at the phone for a second and then nervously makes the call.
PAM
(into phone)
H… Hi. (beat) At work. I came
in, um… early and I… I was… um…
(sighs)
Jim, I’m sorry.
(laughs)
No, go ahead.
(laughs again)
Double Jinx!(beat) Yeah, they
probably do cancel each other
out. We’ll buy each other a
Coke.
(laughs)
See, that’s why you’re absolutely
perfect for me. You… know that,
right?(beat, then blushes) I’m glad.
So glad.(beat) I know. I can’t wait
to see you. (beat) Yes. OH, Jim! You
have GOT to get down here now, you
gotta see Michael!(beat) No, he’s not
wearing anything funny, he’s just all…
wise and knowing and… and comforting.
It’s really weird!(beat) Yeah! So hurry
'cause I don't know how long it's
gonna last.
(laughs)
Ok. Bye!
Pam hangs up as Michael approaches. She is smiling.
PAM
(sincerely)
Thank you, Michael.
MICHAEL
Hey, no thanks necessary.
Just think of me when you two
are having that HOT make-up sex!
(looks at camera)
Bow-wicka-wow-wow.(beat)
Just don’t strain anything, I need
you upright.
(looks back at the camera)
That’s what she said.
Michael laughs and starts walking to his office.
MICHAEL(continued)
And wait until you get home, don’t
do it in the car. Cause I’ll be
checkin’.
Michael goes into his office and closes the door. Pam looks at the door and then the camera. She takes her phone out and dials.
PAM
(into phone)
Yeah, me again.
(sighs)
Take your time.
Chapter End Notes:
Special thanks to my man Bob Nicoteri, (king of the Life in The Office message boards and actual Scranton native -got a Scranton question? Ask Bob! ) who supplied the "Tighty-Whiteys" joke. See? I told you I would use it!
