INT. THE OFFICE-JIM AND DWIGHT'S DESK
It is morning. Jim enters the office and comes over to his desk. Dwight glances up at him.
DWIGHT
You're late. Again.
JIM
(looking at his watch)
I am... two whole minutes late.
DWIGHT
That’s still late. As the second in command...
JIM
Really pains you to say that, doesn't it?
DWIGHT
...you have to set an example. Why don't you
come in early and LEAVE late, for a change?
Jim looks at the camera, a slight smile on his face.
JIM
Sorry... I was talking to Ian McKellan
downstairs. Did you know that Ian McKellen
was here?
Dwight looks up at Jim and stares hard.
DWIGHT
Ian McKellen. The actor.
JIM
Yup.
DWIGHT
Ian Mckellen... Magneto... GANDALF...
is downstairs.
JIM
Not sure about the other two guys but
Ian Mckellen… yeah.
DWIGHT
You must really take me for an
idiot, Jim.
JIM
Uh... how is that related to Ian
McKellen being downstairs?
DWIGHT
(sighing)
Jim, you and I both know that Ian
McKellen is NOT downstairs. This is
just a juvenile attempt to make me
run around like an idiot looking for
him. And a feeble one at that.
JIM
(shrugging)
Ok.
Jim turns to his computer and gets it booted up, completely ignoring Dwight. Dwight stares at him. A few seconds go by.
DWIGHT
(exasperated)
Dammit, Jim, is Ian Mckellen downstairs
or not?
JIM
I just told you he was.
DWIGHT
You're lying! You must be. Why would
Ian Mckellen be in Scranton, of all
places?
JIM
Well, apparently, he was leaving Philly,
headed to New York. Somehow his driver
got on 476 instead of 95.
(shrugs)
Ended up here.
DWIGHT
Idiot driver. A blind, trained chimp wouldn't
make that mistake.
JIM
Why... would you train a blind chimp?
Especially to drive. That doesn't...
Was... he blinded AFTER he got his
license?
(looks at camera and shakes head)
I don't...
DWIGHT
No, no... the point is...
(shakes head)
Anyway, I KNOW you're lying, You didn't
even refer to Ian Mckellen correctly.
JIM
Oh, you mean by calling him SIR Ian
McKellen? He mentioned that. I just forgot.
DWIGHT
(eyes bulging)
Sir Ian Mckellen is really downstairs?
Dwight hurriedly digs through his desk draw and produces a camera, pen and pad and a complete copy of The Lord Of The Rings.
DWIGHT
I… better make sure you gave him good
directions. Just to be safe.
JIM
You… keep a copy of the Lord of The Rings
here at work?
DWIGHT
In case I am forced to stay because of
a state of emergency. Blizzard, flooding…
The dead rising and attacking the living.
(beat)It's best to be prepared.
Jim shoots a Jim Face at the camera as Dwight heads to the door.
JIM
Well, have fun, Dwight.
(laughs quietly)
Dwight stops and whirls back to Jim.
DWIGHT
You laughed.
JIM
No, I didn't.
DWIGHT
(heading back to desk)
Yes, you did, you just laughed! Dammit,
Jim, Ian Mckellen is not here! This is like
the time you told me you saw Peter Jackson
at Arby's!
JIM
(glancing at camera)
Could've sworn it was him.
DWIGHT
You know what? I know how to get around
your stupid little prank.
Dwight puts his phone on speaker and dials. It rings and then is picked up.
VOICE
Front desk.
DWIGHT
Front desk. Uh, yes. This is... Dwight K.
Schrute, third in command upstairs at
Dunder Miflin. I was the one that was
testing your... fairly inadequate emer-
gency preparedness system last month.
I had the clipboard (beat) and stopwatch...
VOICE
I KNOW who you are. What do you want?
DWIGHT
Uh... well, I was wondering, um, front desk...
JIM
(low)
Hank.
DWIGHT
Um... Hank... at front desk… I was wondering
if, by any chance, um... if Ian Mckellen,
the respected and knighted actor, is in the
lobby?
HANK
No.
Dwight shakes his head at Jim, a nasty smile on his face.
HANK
He was. He just left, like, 10 seconds ago.
DWIGHT
What? Stop him!
HANK
His limo just pulled off. It's too...
Dwight hangs up and leaps from his chair. He bolts towards the door.
JIM
Cut him off in Dunmore before he gets on 380!
DWIGHT
Right!
Dwight dashes out of the office. It is quiet for a few seconds. Then Phyllis leans towards Jim.
PHYLLIS
What did you do, gave Hank ten bucks for that?
JIM
Fifteen. He drove a hard bargain.
Jim, Phyllis, Stanley and Andy all laugh.
PHYLLIS
Boy... you are a piece of work Jim.
(laughs again)
Author's Chapter Notes:
Another Lord Of The Rings inspired opening.... Dwight is SO easy to have fun with. I'll probably use Battlestar or Harry Potter next time... : ) And please, I'd love to hear back from ya!
