INT. CONFERENCE ROOM
Everyone is in the conference room, facing towards Michael who is holding a wooden pointer in one hand and a laser pointer in the other. There are three easels holding various pie charts and graphs, with red arrows pointing in different directions all over them.
MICHAEL
(to everyone excitedly)
Annnnnnd, that’s my idea. So…
Whaddaya think?
Michael looks around anxiously. Everyone has stunned looks on their faces. They stare back and forth at one another. Michael starts to look worried. Then, Stanley slowly stands in the back of the room. He looks at his workmates, then at Michael and starts to slowly clap. Everyone smiles. Soon everyone is standing and clapping. Dwight goes over to Michael and raises one of his arms in triumph. Jim pats Michael on the back and gives him a “Look at you!” face.
JIM
Wow. That was… WOW. That’ll
save the company big money AND
make our jobs a LOT easier. Where…
where did you get that idea from?
MICHAEL
(elated)
It just came to me in the shower.
I do my best thinking in the shower.
JIM
Well… keep showering.
(laughs)
Michael looks around the room, his face displaying many emotions as the rest of the office claps.
MICHAEL TALKING HEAD
MICHAEL
(clearly emotional)
That was…
(stops to get a grip)
That was the best moment I ever had here.
The adoration, the respect… I mean, I know it’s
already there but to see it displayed like that…
(shakes head)
I might have to start showering three or four
times a day, now.
Michael gets a far off look in his eyes, then smiles at the camera.
INT. THE OFFICE- JIM’S DESK.
We see Jim on the phone, obviously involved in an important call. Dwight comes from the kitchen and looks into Michael’s office. He throws his hands out in frustration, slaps them against his sides and slowly spins, giving the office the once over.
JIM
(on phone)
I’m REALLY sorry, Mr. Nicoteri, I don’t know
how that happened.(beat) Um… Bob. Ok.
It must’ve been a picking error.(beat)
Yes, that’s an awful lot of paper.(beat) An
awful lot of the WRONG paper, yes. (beat)
yes, I’ll have it picked up… now, you DIDN”T
want Canary Yellow, right?
DWIGHT
(standing right on top of Jim, practically)
Jim. Jim. Jim.
JIM
Um… I’m sorry Mr. Nico…(beat) Bob, yes. I just…
hold on, please…
(Jim covers the receiver and looks angrily at Dwight)
What, Dwight? I’m dealing with a customer
problem here.
DWIGHT
Where is Michael? I’ve been looking for him for
the last twenty minutes.
JIM
(annoyed)
I don’t know! He must’ve gone out.
Just then Daryl enters and walks determinedly over to Jim’s desk.
Jim starts to get back on the phone but Dwight is not done.
DWIGHT
Yes, but where?
(looks at watch)
It’s nowhere near lunch.
JIM
I don’t KNOW, Dwight. Look, I have
to deal with this…
(points at phone)
DARYL
Jim. I need you to come see something.
JIM
(looking up at Daryl)
Oh, hey. Listen. I can’t right now…
(talks back into phone)
I’m sorry Mr… Bob. Now, the canary
Yellow…
DARYL
Jim. You have to come downstairs with me.
JIM
(into phone)
I’m… I’m sorry, hold on…
(looks at Daryl)
Daryl, I have GOT to…
DARYL
(forcefully)
JIM. You have to come downstairs with me, NOW.
Jim looks at Daryl with a slightly stunned expression on his face. Then he peeks at the camera. He gets back on the phone.
JIM
Um…. Hi. Yes. Um… Can I… call you
back in, like… fifteen minutes? Some-
thing important….( beat) Yes. Thank
you, Bob.
(beat, then Jim’s face falls a bit)
Um… Mr. Nicoteri. (beat) Yes, sir.
Jim slowly hangs up the phone and then rises.
JIM
(through forced smile)
Well… lets go see this… WONDEROUS thing.
Jim starts to head towards the main door with Daryl in tow.
DWIGHT
Daryl? Have you seen Michael recently?
DARYL
Oh, it’s… funny that you should ask that.
(smiles humorlessly at Dwight and then Jim)
JIM
Oh, no.
EXT. PARKING LOT
Jim, Daryl and Dwight come out of the main entrance, walking towards the camera. Jim stops short, staring at something out beyond the camera.
JIM
Um… am I having a… stroke or something?
DWIGHT
If you are then it’s a group stroke.
Jim and Daryl look at the camera and then one another, disgusted. The camera spins around and we see an impromptu shower stall, made up of 4 beige cubby dividers. A hose, tied around a light stanchion, shoots water down into it. As Jim, Dwight, Daryl and the camera move closer, we see that Michael is in the shower, soaping himself. A couple of towels hang over one side of the stall and Michael's clothes are neatly folded on a towel nearby. Daryl motions to Jim like “You see?” Jim looks at the camera and then puts his head down. He walks over to Michael.
JIM
Sooooooo… Bally’s must’ve been
REALLY crowded.
MICHAEL
Good one, Jim membership. Nope, just
me trying to dream up some more great
ideas!
JIM
Michael…
DWIGHT
(looking at hose and the whole set-up)
Very nice, Michael. This is… Oh!
Good usage of a Bulldog clip. Three
inch capacity, good holding power.
MICHAEL
Thanks.
JIM
(lower to Dwight)
Not helping.
DWIGHT
Oh. Right. Um… Michael... um... showering
outside comes with many unforeseen hazards.
You could be hit by a garbage truck. Your
clothes could be stolen by a hawk. Or you
could be struck by lightning while using a
shortened metal rake as a back-scrubber.
(leans over to Jim)
That happened to a cousin of mine.(beat)
So tragic.
Jim gives a Jim face to the camera and then looks at Daryl, who shakes his head.
MICHAEL
Um... don't think I'm gonna get struck by
lightning, Dwight. It's, like, 90 degrees out
here.
(Laughs to the camera)
DARYL
(leaning on one of the walls)
Michael...listen. You can't...
(accidentally looks down inside the shower and then snaps his head way up)
Whoa!
(beat, then shakes his head with eyes closed)
Michael.. this.. isn't...
Daryl looks closely at one of the shower "walls". He frowns.
DARYL
Hey. Is this divider from my office?
MICHAEL
Um... which one is... your office again?
DARYL
(getting angry)
The one I sit in, Michael.
MICHAEL
Oh.. um... well, then...
(peeks at camera)
yeah.. this is from your office.
Daryl throws his hands up and does an almost complete circle, coming to a stop facing Jim.
DARYL
(gritting teeth)
Jim!
JIM
(sighing)
Michael...
Michael wipes water from his face but in the process splashes water on Jim. Jim wipes his face.
JIM
Ok. Listen... you need to come out of there.
This isn't a good idea. And this water is really
cold.
MICHAEL
Tell me about it, I’m freezing my (BEEP) ass
off. But I gotta stay here. This is supposed to
MAKE me have good ideas.
JIM
Michael...
MICHAEL
I mean... you guys were so... happy
with that idea. The looks on your faces...
(shakes head)
I just want to see that more often.
JIM
(sighing)
Michael... you can't force a good idea.
When it happens it just... happens. I
know you'll have more great ideas...
but you can't try to make yourself
have them.
MICHAEL
I don't know...
JIM
Ok. Let me put it like this. This idea...
of showering in the parking lot.
Did you think of it IN the shower?
MICHAEL
Uhhh... no....
JIM
Then it can't be a good idea, right?
Michael stops and thinks for a moment.
MICHAEL
I didn’t think of it like that.
JIM
See? Come on… You’ll come out, we’ll turn the
water off… and we’ll talk about it inside.
DARYL
Yeah, Mike. My boys will shut everything down…
And put our stuff back…
MICHAEL
(hesitant)
Ehhhhhh… Ok. Let me just soap off…
DWIGHT
(looking at ground)
There is… surprisingly little water out here.
How…?
MICHAEL
Oh, I put the shower up over one of the sewer
gratings. And I’m standing on a small ramp I
got out of the warehouse. It’s angled towards
the drain. So… hardly any water outside of here.
DWIGHT
(impressed)
Hm. Good idea, Michael.
Michael's face lights up.
MICHAEL
(excited)
Ah, see? It's working! Another hour
and I'll dream up... God knows what!
(points at Daryl)
Don't you DARE turn off that water!
Michael resumes showering and starts to whistle. Jim and Daryl deflate and glare at Dwight. Dwight looks back and forth at the two.
DWIGHT
Um... sorry.
Author's Chapter Notes:
First of all, MAD props go out to my main man, Bob Nicoteri, who dreamt up this C/O over on the Life In The Office forum. Bob is actually from Scranton, so he KNOWS Office. I never would've thought of this one and I really enjoyed fleshing it out. So, consequently, I snuck Mr. Bob into the mix... just a small token of my appreciation... thanks, Bob!
