INT. MICHAEL’S OFFICE
Michael is seated at his desk. He glances with a smile to the camera.
MICHAEL
DWIGHT! Come in here, please!
Michael looks at the camera again and fights back a laugh as Dwight enters. Dwight stands in front of Michael’s desk.
MICHAEL
I need you to do me a favor.
DWIGHT
Ok.
MICHAEL
I want you to go over to Oscar and ask him
for a tea bag. I am... um...
(looks at practically bare desk)
wow, so busy here.
DWIGHT
You don't drink tea.
MICHAEL
What?
DWIGHT
I've never seen you drink tea.
MICHAEL
I drink tea! I've been getting them from Oscar
for like, the last...You don't know what I...
DWIGHT
So far today you have had two cups of coffee,
a bottle of Pepsi, the rest of Phyllis' Sprite that
she didn't want and that old Kool-Aid pack you
found in your drawer yesterday.
MICHAEL
(stunned)
Well... I just… haven't had tea yet TODAY.
GOD, Dwight you are so... creepy sometimes.
DWIGHT
(hurt, head down)
Sorry.
Michael glances at the camera and tries to reel Dwight back in.
MICHAEL
I mean… not creepy. Just (beat) really, really…
really observant.
DWIGHT
(pleased)
That's my job. I take pride in knowing what…
MICHAEL
Yeah, ok. Um... so… I need you to ask Oscar
for a teabag.
(smiles to camera)
But you have to...
DWIGHT
What kind of tea?
MICHAEL
What?
DWIGHT
What kind of tea do you want?
MICHAEL
Um… I… don't know.
DWIGHT
You don't know what kind of tea you've
been drinking?
MICHAEL
No, I... I forget what...
(shaking head)
It doesn't matter...
DWIGHT
Earl Grey?
MICHAEL
Who?
(annoyed)
It doesn't matter! I mean, Oscar knows
which one I like. It's just that... when you
ask him... you have to ask a certain way.
DWIGHT
Like how?
MICHAEL
(glancing at camera)
You just walk right up and say "Oscar.
Please tea bag me."
DWIGHT
THAT'S how you ask?
MICHAEL
Yeah, we've... gotten it streamlined.
Short and sweet. Oscar doesn't like
drawn out conversations. Oh, and say
it loud, too.
DWIGHT
Why...?
MICHAEL
(trying to suppress laugh)
He's hard of hearing too. His ears were...
stomped by a bull in Mexico when he was
a child.
DWIGHT
Ah, severe acoustic trauma. I should have
realized. All this time I thought he was
ignoring me.
MICHAEL
(looking at camera)
No, of course not. So, um... what are we
doing?
DWIGHT
I am walking over to Oscar...
MICHAEL
Yeah?
DWIGHT
…and then very loudly, I will say…
MICHAEL
(almost laughing)
Yeah, yeah...
DWIGHT
"Oscar, Michael asked me to ask you…"
MICHAEL
No, no, no! What did I say?
DWIGHT
You said to ask him for a tea bag.
MICHAEL
Not like that! Weren’t you listening?
How are you supposed to say it?
DWIGHT
Um… Oscar. Please tea bag me.
MICHAEL
(excitedly rising and coming around desk)
Yes! Now go and say EXACTLY that.
Ok? Loudly.
DWIGHT
Ok…
MICHAEL
(pushing Dwight towards door)
Now go. Thirsty. Want tea.
Hurry.
Dwight leaves Michael’s office and Michael covers up a huge laugh for the camera. Then Michael beckons to the camera and he zips out of his office. The camera follows.
INT. THE OFFICE-RECEPTION DESK(continuous)
We see Jim leaning on the reception counter talking to Pam as Michael runs over.
MICHAEL
(pointing towards Dwight, who is heading to Oscar’s desk)
Jim, Jim! Watch this! Look at this! You’re not the
only prankster around here, you know! Doctor
Prankenstein is in the hiz-zouse!
Jim and Pam look over at Dwight who is pretty much at Oscar’s desk.
JIM
(apprehensive)
Michael, what did you do?
INT. THE OFFICE-OSCAR’S DESK
Dwight is standing behind Oscar. Kevin and Angela eye him curiously.
DWIGHT
(loudly)
OSCAR.
Everyone jumps and Oscar turns to face Dwight.
OSCAR
Dwight! What…
DWIGHT
(still loud)
MICHAEL WANTS YOU TO TEA BAG ME.
OSCAR
What?!
MICHAEL
(practically running over)
NO! No, no, no, no! I didn’t say…
I said…
(shakes head)
Dammit, Dwight!
OSCAR
You know, Michael…!
MICHAEL
That wasn’t me!
(to Dwight)
What is wrong with you? Why would
you make such a… a… disgusting
suggestion?
DWIGHT
(confused)
What? You told me to…
MICHAEL
(trying to drown him out)
FlaaaAAAHHH! GET OUT! Go… leave.
(waving towards door)
Take a walk, perv.
DWIGHT
(still puzzled)
So… you DON’T want tea now?
MICHAEL
JUST GO.
Dwight heads towards the main door. Everyone is staring at Michael. Oscar and Angela are exceptionally annoyed.
KEVIN
(giggling)
Tea bag.
Michael shakes his head and shrugs to Oscar.
MICHAEL
I don’t… know why….wow. Crazy.
OSCAR
You are determined to have me sue
this company, aren’t you?
MICHAEL
What? That… that wasn’t my fault. I…
OSCAR
Go back to your office, Michael.
Michael slumps and then walks dejectedly back towards his office. Jim intercepts him before he gets there.
JIM
So… was that how you planned it? Cause
I don’t get….
Michael shoots Jim a look of death, heads into his office and closes the door. Jim breaks out a Jim-Face for the camera and saunters over to reception. Pam gives Jim a mischievous look and places a tea bag on the counter.
PAM
I triple dare you to leave this on Michael’s desk.
Pam and Jim both try to stifle their laughter.
Author's Chapter Notes:
This came about because I heard my boss ask a co-worker for a tea bag... and since I am such an adolescent, this is what I came up with.
