INT. THE OFFICE-JIM AND DWIGHT'S DESKS.
Jim and Dwight are sitting quietly, working on their computers. Dwight's phone rings and he answers.
DWIGHT
Dwight Schrute, how may I...
FEMALE VOICE(husky and low)
No time for pleasantries, Schrute. This is Red Robin.
Remember me?
DWIGHT
Yes. You contacted me last week...
RED ROBIN
I KNOW when I contacted you, Schrute. Just listen.
I have a mission for you... one of the utmost importance
to national security. Can I count on you?
DWIGHT
Yes! Yes, you can definitely...
RED ROBIN
Stop interrupting and listen. Go to Joe's Kwik Mart.
On Hickory and Pittson. Dumpster in the back. Under it, an
Amazon box. Inside, a very important package one of our
field agents hid there before he was captured. Your job:
Retrieve the package and hold for further instructions.
DWIGHT
(writing on sheet)
Hold.. for further...
RED ROBIN
Are you actually writing this down?
DWIGHT
No.. I was.. memorizing it...
RED ROBIN
Stop speaking and listen. This package has a heartbeat
sensor that will be activated when you retrieve it. If it reads
no heartbeat for 30 seconds thereafter the contents inside
will be destroyed by a fast acting acid. So it must be on your
person at all times. Sleep with it, drive with it... if you have to
shower wrap it in plastic and tape it around your chest.
Understood?
DWIGHT
Yes.
RED ROBIN
Be quiet! You will be contacted at some point in the next two
days. The caller will say "Do you have something for me?"
and you will respond "Yes. I have a small package."
DWIGHT
Uh...
RED ROBIN
Say it aloud to make sure you have it.
DWIGHT
I.. have it. It's ok.
RED ROBIN
(after a pause)
I can find another agent if this is too difficult, Schrute.
DWIGHT
No! No... I can....
(beat, then sigh)
Alright.
(low, peeking at Jim)
I have a small package.
JIm looks at Dwight and then glances at the camera.
RED ROBIN
Precisely. Ready to be a patriot?
DWIGHT
Yes.
RED ROBIN
Then why are you still sitting there? Go! GO!
Dwight hangs up, stands and checks for his car keys.
JIM
Problem, Dwight?
DWIGHT
(making sure he has everything)
None of your concern, Jim. Leave national
security to the big boys.
JIM
Alrighty.
DWIGHT
(walking by Jim)
Um...tell Michael... I'll be...
Dwight pauses, then leaves it at that and races from the office. Jim watches him go and then looks at the camera. Just then his phone rings and he picks it up.
JIM
Jim Halpert.
PAM
(on phone)
Has he left yet?
JIM
Shot out of here. What did you do?
PAM
Well, while mom was watching Cecilia I dropped
off a little... present for Uncle Dwight that our darling
baby made JUST for him.
JIM
A little present..?
(beat)
No, you didn't, Pam.
PAM
All I will say is... you might want to consider moving
to my desk later.
JIM
(shaking head)
Brilliant.
PAM
Yeah, she is. Oh! She's awake. Bye!
Pam hangs up. Jim laughs and hangs up as well. He looks at the camera, smiling.
JIM TALKING HEAD
JIM
I knew there would be fringe benefits to
having a baby... but leave it to Pam to find
them.
Author's Chapter Notes:
Just some general silliness... hope you like!
