Michael answers the Proust Questionnaire.

What is your idea of perfect happiness?

Taking an improv class with the greats: Dane Cook, Wayne Brady, Robin Williams ... and my idol, Chris Rock.

What is your greatest fear?

A terrorist----istic attack on our office. False alarm one time.... but who’s to say we are not a target? No one loves American more than me.

Which historical figure do you most identify with?

Abraham Lincoln ... goes without saying as we both brought people of all kinds together ... also, I combined territories. Stanford to Scranton.... not an easy transition, total culture shock. And Bill Cosby.... because of my comedy skills and my helping of the black pe ... the African Americans.

Which living person do you most admire?

My old pal Jimmy Halpert. The guy has got everything ... good, GREAT, looks. Hot girlfriends of all races. Awesome hair. Lots of friends. Banging the secretary. And, he's got a karaoke machine ... I hang out at his house. Once anyway.

What is the trait you most deplore in yourself?
I care too much. Wish I didn't but i can't stop my heart from doing so ... onto others.

What is the trait you most deplore in others?

Obesity.

What is your greatest extravagance?

Christmases at Sandals. Sets me back almost 2 g's ... but it's priceless. Top tier.

What is your favorite journey?

My journey to Dunder Mifflin every day ... it's like Jesus going to the cross. Serenity.

What do you consider the most overrated virtue?

Virginity. Gotta try the cow before you buy the milk...

On what occasion do you lie?

When Jan asks me certain questions about her new body.... also, when Toby questions my corporate spending habits. Blah.

What do you dislike most about your appearance?

Nothing. I embrace myself.

Which living person do you most despise?

Toby Flenderson. And Osama Bin Laden.

Which words or phrases do you most overuse?

I don't like to overuse words ... I try to keep it fresh ...That's what she said.

What is your greatest regret?

Getting back together with ... No. No. No. Burning my foot was pretty regrettable.

What or who is the greatest love of your life?

Dunder Mifflin.

Which talent would you most like to have?

Magician ... I'm halfway there.

What is your current state of mind?

Pennsylvania.

If you could change one thing about your family, what would it be?

I would like to have one. I want it all ... the kiddos, the mini-van with the DVDs build into the seats so we could watch movies like "Aladdin" for instance. Maybe a little "Varsity Blues" when its mommy and daddy time ... also, a dog named Jimmy. And bikes ... for my whole fam. With baskets.

What do you consider your greatest achievement?

This ... take a look around you … could I be any prouder of this achievement? I think not.

 
If you were to die and come back as a person or thing, what do you think it would be?

A salesman of the future. Maybe on another planet.

If you could choose what to come back as, what would it be?

A girl with big ... no. I would choose to come back as President Reagan. A cowboy, an actor, and president ... and he lived to be like 100 years old.

What is your most treasured possession?

(Holds up his "World's Best Boss" mug) Self explanatory, no words necessary.

What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?

A meeting with Toby. Just ... blah!

Where would you like to live?

Jamaica, MAN. I can't think of a more palatious … perfect place to grow old with my lady.

What is your favorite occupation?

Regional Manager. Dunder Mifflin. Nothing better ... except maybe if I could host the Oscars or the MTV awards.

What is your most marked characteristic?

My nose. Thinking of getting a little nip/tuck on it.

What is the quality you most like in a man?

Can't say. Love the ladies a little too much.... but great hair is hot.

What is the quality you most like in a woman?

Boobs. (Cracks up)

What do you most value in your friends?

Their friendships.

 Who are your favorite writers?

Wow. Hard to say ... I'm a big fan of "Harry Potter" so I'm going to go with the lady that wrote that. She lived in her car with her baby ...  rags to riches. I can relate. Also, Danielle Steele.

Who is your favorite hero of fiction?

James Bond.

Who are your heroes in real life?

The warehouse guys. Amazing.

What are your favorite names?

Jimmy. Justin or JT.  Summer … all the seasons actually. Also love the name Shakira.

What is it that you most dislike?

Wow. Racism, obviously. Bigotness. Gay bashers. Weight gain. Toby-run meetings.

How would you like to die?

I would not like to die.

What is your motto?

 “Live hard, die hard.”