But I saw well enough how he had covered his first words with the words that followed after- so different from what he had said before; nevertheless, his speech made me afraid, because I drew out from his broken phrase a meaning worse-perhaps-than he'd intended.
~The Divine Comedy, Inferno, Canto IX
The elevator ride was uneventful as any of the five that had preceded it, and within a few minutes, Jim and Michael had made their way to another rocky platform. Michael’s key fit the lock yet again, and with Jim’s help, they were able to jar the door loose and soon were standing in something that looked like a control center for a TV network. The scene before them was chaotic, with alarms blaring, papers flying and people running frantically from side to side adjusting sliders and writing things on slips of paper. Jim sensed a disconnect between this area and the others he’d seen before…he wasn’t sure what these people were doing here, but he thought maybe whatever was through the small door on the other side might give him a clue.
“Here, take these,” he heard Michael utter as he reached for the handle. He placed a pair of earplugs and sunglasses into his hand, opening the door to a flood of light and sound. Stepping through the archway, Jim took in the room…the walls and floor glittered with a pearlescent sheen, white from base to ceiling, and a single light shone fiercely from the center. He thought that had he not had sunglasses on, he wouldn’t have been able to see a thing, and judging by the group of people standing in front of him, his estimation was correct. The sound in the room was nearly unbearable…a dull roar not dissimilar from that of a football stadium’s. Mostly, it just felt hot and humid…stuffy, despite the relative dearth of souls in the wide spread of space. He thought that this felt more like the common vision of Hell…uncomfortable, abysmal, hopeless. The two of them waded through the sea of wandering, senseless bodies until Michael grabbed onto an outstretched arm, pulling both Jim and the mystery person toward the wall. He pushed a small panel, opening a hole in the wall that they practically burst into.
Once inside, the features and familiar figure of the mystery person came into clear view…Phyllis took a step toward him, rubbing her eyes even as she exclaimed, “Jim!” He looked at Michael, wondering what the sweet office matron could have done to deserve this punishment. Certainly she didn’t have it in her to cause anyone harm…well, except maybe Angela during the Party Planning Committee meetings, but he figured that one was a free pass for anyone. He still was unsure of who was running things here…was this some kind Michael-run playhouse…or was it bigger than that?
He was about to ask when Phyllis spoke up again…”Come on, Jim…I want to show you something.” She smiled as she motioned toward the far wall. He covered the distance in a few steps, stopping near a deteriorating canvas splashed with an oil facsimile of a small, furry creature, possibly a mouse or chipmunk. He couldn’t be certain, because the tattered canvas hung loose on the wall, necrotic shreds of its very being exposed to the harsh humidity of the room. He peered closer, noting that it was a South American map, he drifted off into the first thought in his mind when it came to South America….
It was that time again….Michael’s 4th quarter camaraderie event was upon them, and this time, it meant a cramped, three hour bus ride from Scranton to Philadelphia to visit the “nation’s oldest zoo.” Michael created the theme of “Going Wild on the Competitors,” even going so far as to print a banner at Kinko’s that lasted nearly to the exit of the Scranton Business Park lot before falling off. He also printed off several dozen sets of Mickey Mouse ears, apparently unaware that they were not going to Disney World.
Jim leaned back and sighed. If there was any consolation in this entire affair, the warehouse staff was not invited because Jan wouldn’t approve the expenditure for anything more than the office workers, due to the branches poor quarterly performance. That meant no Roy. Jim loved the moments he could steal away from work with Pam, hording them in his memory banks like goldenrod sapping up the last rays of a sunny autumn day. He looked to his left, to watch as she peered out the window…he wondered what she thought about as she watched the white lines zip by…whether she ever thought about Roy, and him, and if anywhere in her mind, she knew the truth about the two closest men in her life that was so evident in his own mind. He knew she certainly had to be thinking of anything besides this rickety bus that seemed have been rented from the Korean War surplus store.
The rolling coffin finally ground to a halt and they piled onto the sidewalk in front of the entrance. Michael doled out tickets and gave some sort of little speech about how they should always pair up in groups of three because “you never know what kind of weirdos lurk in these zoos.” He propped his mouse ears up on his forehead and removed his sweatshirt, revealing a “Michael Scott, PhD-Animal Love” T-shirt beneath. “Yeaahhhh…that’s not creepy or anything,” Jim whispered to no one in particular.
Once inside, everyone seemed to go their separate ways. Dwight grabbed Michael by the wrist and went running toward the bear exhibit, Angela and Oscar meandered off to Big Cat Falls, Kevin made a beeline for the hot dog stand, Phyllis and Kelly admired a peacock that was strolling around the open park, Toby snapped photos of random creatures, Creed and Meredith both vanished mysteriously, Devon walked into the first building he spotted, and Stanley found the nearest bench to sit and do his crossword puzzles.
“Well Beesly, looks like it’s just you and me left,” Jim said playfully as Pam glanced at the map.
“What, you trying to get rid of me, Halpert?” she shot back. “Because if you are, I can go and learn everything I could ever want to know about bears, and probably some stuff I don‘t…Dwight isn’t quite up to Olympic sprinter status yet so I could probably catch up.”
“Well, bears ARE the second biggest natural threat to the office, according to Dwight’s list, Pam,” he answered with a laugh.
“Oh, that’s right,” Pam said mockingly. “How did that list go again? I know he has it taped to his desk, but he‘s not my hero like *some* people here, so I don‘t spend hours gazing at his personal things.”
“Well, I’m honored to be your hero, Pam, but…” he began.
“You know I meant that Dwight is YOUR hero, ya goof,” she retorted, sticking out her tongue.
“Oh shut it, Beesly,” he said with an eye roll. “Anyway, it is imperative that you know the list, for your own protection….Number one was flash floods, number two was bears…black, of course…number three was a change in the moon’s gravitational field...”
“Oh my goodness, what does that have to do with anything?” she said between laughs.
“He said something about tides and menstrual cycles…I cut him off after that,” he chuckled. “Number four on the list was meteorites, and number five was the chupacabra.”
“What the hell is a chupacabra?”
“I guess it’s some sort of Mexican legend…like Bigfoot on roller skates or something. Or maybe it’s part of the new lineup at Taco Bell…with Dwight, you never know. Maybe we can ask Oscar later on.” They both dissolved in a fit of laughing…this was their MO…laugh themselves silly and pretend there was nothing more than friendly office chemistry between them. It had been two years of the same act since Pam’s first day, and their dynamic wasn’t likely to change, especially considering that Michael had signed them up to be filmed for some TV documentary in the fall.
They made their way in the opposite direction from everyone else, coming up on an exhibit inhabited by large rodents of some sort. “What are these?” he wondered aloud.
“They’re capybaras,” Pam said, reading the sign.
“Capy-who?”
“Capybaras…they’re the world’s largest rodents…native to South and Central America. Duh, Jim.”
“Oh, of course I knew that,” he replied. “I’m just used to them being a different color.”
“Sure, whatever you say, Halpert,” she poked back. “They are so cute, though, aren’t they?!?”
“They look like a giant hamster to me.”
“Whatever…if I weren’t here you’d shed that tough, manly exterior and coo like a little girl,” she teased.
“Beesly, if you’re trying to get me to take my clothes off…that’s not gonna work.”
He thought he could see a blush come over her face. “You know that’s not what the main point of my comment was.” She slapped lightly at his arm, and a short silence came over them. Pam broke it by exclaiming, “Ooh, you can adopt one of these for only $50! Omigosh, we should totally do it!” as she pointed excitedly at the sign fronting the exhibit.
“Okay, okay, take it easy there Kelly Kapoor….we?” He smiled as she looked briefly toward the ground and then back up, catching his eyes.
“Yes, young Jim…we. As in you and I. It’s a pronoun…check your 1st grade textbooks if you’re still unsure what it means.” She was in classic form today, and the light cascading down through the budding May treetops, across her face and drenching her softly curled hair made her look absolutely stunning in his eyes. An artist couldn’t have painted…a symphony orchestra couldn’t have played…indeed, he wasn’t sure if God Himself could have crafted a moment that looked, sounded and felt as perfect as that very instant in his world.
“Point to Beesly then,” he said with a laugh.
She threw her hands in the air. “Score!” They continued through the rest of the zoo, occasionally crossing paths with their coworkers. They saw Michael sitting on a bench, head in his hands as Dwight droned on about the migratory habits of the harlequin duck. They walked past Creed, who was picking the lock of the bald eagle exhibit. They noticed Stanley, Phyllis and Kevin parked at the ice cream stand. But mostly, they enjoyed each other’s company, frolicking in a world free of their fellow employees, fiancés or girlfriends, hopes or dreams…just fun.
They made their way to meet Michael and company outside at the 2:00 appointed time, and as they passed the zoo office, Jim felt Pam grab his hand and tug him toward the small building. “C’mon!”
Recovering from the initial jolt of euphoria from the feel of Pam’s warm hand on his, he remembered the adopt-an-animal thing Pam mentioned. She led him into the office and he thought she held onto his hand perhaps a second longer than necessary once she stopped walking. They stepped up to a booth where a young woman named Linda, perhaps in her early 20s, and likely a summer employee, cheerily greeted them. “Hi, and welcome to the Philadelphia Zoo main office. What can I help you with today?”
Pam spoke first. “Umm, we saw the sign about adopting an animal out there…is there where you do that?”
“It sure is! Now what would you like to sign up for?” Linda chirped back.
“One capybara, please,” Jim chimed in, handing her his credit card.
“Jim, you don’t have to-” Pam tried to cut in, reaching into her own purse..
“Oh, but Pam, I *have* to. How bad would I look to my ‘International Society for the Salvation of Capybaras’ pals if I let a nonmember sponsor one and I didn’t?” Pam giggled slightly and he knew he’d won this round.
“Well, you are in luck…it looks like our eldest female is pregnant so when the pups are born, we can send you photos and a certificate for them! You’ll be the first to ‘adopt’ a newborn capybara!” Linda’s enthusiasm was contagious, and Pam clasped her hands gleefully.
“Sounds great then, Linda. At the risk of sounding like I’m treating you like a fast food employee, I’d like it to go, because our boss is waiting for us outside…and he has the patience of your average 6 year old.” Both he and Pam chuckled slightly, and Linda gave an approving nod.
“Ok then, I just need your ID for the credit card, sir.” Jim pulled the card from his wallet and handed it to her. “Alright…anyone you want to dedicate this to?”
“No…you can just put down Jim and Pam,” Pam offered. With a few taps of the keyboard, Jim had his cards back and they were out the door.
Three weeks later, Jim spotted the large manila envelope in his mailbox, opening it to find the promised photos of the newborn capybaras as well as a Certificate of Adoption for a little one called Spike, made out to….Jim and Pam Halpert. He knew he’d have to scan and print a new one without his last name…but at that moment, as the tingle coursed from his spine through his body, he found that moment of greater perfection in a simple clerical error, born in haste, yet somehow cast as though it were an act of fate. He let the words roll off his lips, barely more than a whisper…Pam Halpert…but their impact felt as though it could shatter the walls of the cramped, dusty kitchen. Pam Halpert, indeed…all he ever wanted.
He was shaken from his reverie by the smack of Michael’s hand on his shoulder. “Jimmy cracked corn! C’mon, we have to get going. No use staying here with Phyllis…she’s like 13th hottest in the office, so you know the sights have to improve, am I right?” He nudged Jim in the ribs with his elbow.
Jim glanced at Phyllis, who had her head down, before looking back at Michael and stepping toward the door on the opposite wall from the entrance. He said a quick “Bye Phyllis,” and with that, they were through the exit and into a long, constricted corridor. Alone in the dimly lit hallway, the click of Jim’s shoes and the steady flapping of Michael’s sandals on the brick floor echoed through the chamber, sounding the way to their next stop. .Jim started. “I wouldn’t have expected Phyllis in here. What was she in for?”
“Gossiping,” Michael answered quickly. “Everyone in there is a rabid gossip.”
“What? Then what’s the bright light and noise for? Why not just throw them in a muddy pit or something?” He felt guilty for grinning at others’ misfortune, but he did anyway,
“Well, gossips can’t get enough of seeing or hearing things that they want to believe….so in there, they are seeing and hearing everything. The light is made up of millions of paparazzi photos, and the noise is every episode of Entertainment Tonight ever being played simultaneously on top of each other. That’s what the room on the other side of the door was for.” He sounded almost like he knew what he was talking about…somehow, it calmed Jim’s nerves.
“Wow. So, I guess we’re going back to the elevator now?” he said, letting out a sigh.
“Nope, we’re going down another way….right….there.” Michael said, pointing down a flight of stairs in front of them. “That is, unless you want to stop now?”
Jim took one glance at the dark hole, surrounded by a thick cloud of yellowish vapor, swallowed hard, and stepped forward. “Might as well see where it takes us.”
