Chapter 5: The Chances.
Last nights images flashed through Jim’s mind as he sat in the conference room. He couldn’t help but grin. He looked down at his lap then across the room. Pam was seated looking at Dwight and she looked at him briefly. He saw her give him a mocking face and his smile grew wider.
“Something to smile at Jim?” Dwight asked rudely.
“Never Sheriff Dwight. This is a serious matter is it not?” He still could not believe what Michael had let Dwight use the conference room for.
Dwight nodded. “Finally glad you’re turning against forest fires Jim.”
And there it is. He knew there was a reason to come late to work that day.
~*~*~
As everyone left the conference room Pam caught up with Jim and headed into the kitchen with him. “Just couldn’t be serous in there couldn’t you?”
He scoffed smiling. “It’s a little hard when you’re making faces at me from across the room.”
“It should be just like looking in a mirror.”
“Whoa…that’s below the belt don’t you think?”
Pam makes a shocked face. “Can’t take the truth?”
She was grinning now and all he wanted to do was grab her by the waist and hold her. Hold her as tight as he possibly could so he could try and convince himself he wasn’t going to lose her anytime soon.
“Did you…tell Roy yet?” he hated asking her. He was happy and breaking the moment killed him but so did sneaking around. He just wanted to be with her. No hiding, no nothing.
She looked down. “Not yet….but I’m going to. It just…”
“Takes time I know. I just feel dirty sneaking around like this.”
“So take a shower.”
He shook his head. “You have no idea how bad that joke was, do you?”
She smiled and stepped closer to him. “Would it be so bad if I joined you?”
He raised his eyebrows and fumbled a little with his words. “Well no…but that’s not the point. Something tells me he’s not going to be too happy when he knows.”
She shrugs. “He’s never too happy about anything.”
“I can’t find that to be true.” He started walking past her to leave the kitchen.
She turned as he left. “How so?”
Jim shrugged. “He had you didn’t he?”
~*~*~
A week later of this and Jim couldn’t be happier. He and Pam hadn’t kissed again but at least they were better than before. He was glad he didn’t have to be an ass to her anymore. Being too much like her husband was making him kind of sick inside.
And that’s when he remembered. Pam still hadn’t told Roy that she was breaking up yet. It didn’t bother him at first because he was sure she was going to do it. But as each day past that assurance was dwindling away. And asking everyday if she had told Roy yet was irritating too.
He couldn’t tell what was holding her back. She wanted to be with him didn’t she? Or at least be free of Roy. One of the two had to be true….didn’t it?
~*~*~
Pam set her things down on the counter and put her coat on the coat rack. She saw Jim approach her desk and she smiled at him. She still hadn’t told Roy about her kiss with Jim.
And she wanted to, she really did. But every time she had enough courage to tell him, she felt like she was betraying him somehow. Which she was sure was true in some way.
“Morning.” He said. “I wanna ask you something.”
“Hmm hmm?” Crap. Crap. And more crap.
“Did you tell Roy yet about…you know.”
He could tell she was irritated by another reminder. But he couldn’t help it. He still hadn’t seen that doctor to disconnect his emotions from his mouth.
“No I didn’t.” If only telling Roy was so simple.
Now Jim was just plain disappointed. “Why not?”
“Why do you do the things you do?” Was this always on her?
“It’s not about me. You have to tell him….if you even still want to.”
She did, didn’t she? He thought she would at least give him some sort of sign that she didn’t.
Pam rubbed her eyes and finally looked at him. “But it is about you Jim! What you want and what you need…you know it’s hard for me to do this. So just chill out ok?”
Jim put his hands up in defense. “Fine. I’m just saying taking a chance on something, even if its only once in a while, it’s worth it.”
“I can take a chance on things.” She said angrily. How dare he say what she could and could not take a chance on. How the hell would he know how she felt?
“Really? You can?”
She nodded. “Yeah. If it’s important enough.”
That’s it. That was all it took. Jim looked down and tried to think when she had been capable of doing this to him.
Since when did a few words learn to destroy him like that? She struck a nerve. A nerve he thought was long gone after this week. She hurt him again. She was basically saying he, they, weren’t important enough to take a chance on. God damnit. How many times was he going to let her do this to him?
Jim nodded. “Alright. Whatever you say Pam.”
He walked back to his desk and sat down. If he wasn’t important enough to her to take a chance on, she wasn’t important enough to be in love with.
~*~*~
Pam walked to her car pulling tighter on her jacket. Too much of a long day and she just wanted to go home. After spending another day of not talking to Jim she realized she had to tell Roy. Jim was right. If she didn’t want to take a chance on him or what they could be, she couldn’t take a chance on anything.
Roy had stayed home for the day and she had to tell him. She was puzzled how odd she felt as she got into the car. She should have felt ecstatic, finally getting what she wanted, realizing who she needed and wanted to be with. But she couldn’t shake this awful feeling of telling him.
She felt guilty for telling Roy she kissed Jim but then overjoyed that she did. The way she felt that night with him was something she didn’t know she could feel anymore. After all, Roy hadn’t made her feel that way in a long time.
So many conflicting emotions battling within her. She didn’t know what to do or how to tell Roy. I mean how do you tell someone that you basically don’t love them anymore?
~*~*~
Pam opened the door to the house. “Roy?”
He came stumbling around the corner. “Hey babe. How was work?” his words were slurring a bit.
“Are you drunk?” she asked plainly.
He laughed suddenly. “A little bit.”
Pam let out a sigh and led him over to sit on the couch, she really was just getting tired of this. “We have to talk.”
Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea. He was drunk after all. But she tried anyway. She waited long enough and she knew it took her a while to get her courage all stacked up and ready to go. She had it ready. She needed to tell him.
“Last week I…I kissed Jim.” No need to go into details. Nothing was going to cushion this blow.
Everything stopped and Roy looked at her. He was suddenly very sober. “What?”
“I kissed Jim last week. And he kissed me. It was pretty much and all opportunity kiss.” She didn’t even know why she was trying to be funny about this.
Roy was defiantly not laughing. “Halpert? Jim Halpert?”
Pam said nothing now. She had to let it seep in, it was after all a lot to hear.
“We were getting married in a few days Pam. How could you do this to us?”
Before she could respond, Roy stood up and flipped the coffee table over. “To me!!”
Pam sunk back into the couch as he approached her. He was screaming at the top of his lungs. “How dare you do that to me Pam! After what we had together, how could you do that!”
He backed up and kept running hands over his face.
Pam stood trying to find her voice. “Oh you mean the yelling and the drinking? That kind of thing we had? I don’t even remember the last time we even had something together Roy.”
“So we never had anything at all? That’s what you’re saying?” He screamed, anger practically leaking from his mouth.
“Have another drink.” She said quietly moving past him to the front door. She’d do this when he was sober.
He grabbed her arm and roughly jerked her around. “Answer me!” He raised his hand back and stopped inches before her face, probably realizing that he was about to hit her.
She didn’t hesitate though. Not for one second. She ran out that door and to her car before he realized why he had stopped.
~*~*~
Jim couldn’t understand how he screwed up so much in such a small amount of time. He had her. Her freaking had her, right in front of him. Leave it to him to say something stupid and make her turn away. Although it had to be done. If this thing was going to work shouldn’t it have been perfect? Or as close as it possibly could?
You’d think after waiting so long it would be damn near perfect. But life just didn’t work that way and neither did love. It waited till you were on your knees and then gave you one final kick.
He heard a knock on his door and looked at the clock. Perfect timing for the pizza guy to interrupt his self wallowing.
Jim opened the door and stood there for a moment. Not the pizza guy.
“Pam?”
Author's Chapter Notes:
Uh oh... drama- rama with Roy? :D
Chapter End Notes:
i hope none of you hate me lol after this there is more JAM FLUFFF
