V. Silence

Pam tries to stay very still. She barely lets herself breathe, but it doesn’t calm the turbulence deep within her. It almost surprises her that it doesn’t wake Jim, sleeping soundly beside her, his breath even and rhythmic like waves on the beach.

She’s been to the bathroom already. She has flipped her pillow to the cool side. She’s tried counting sheep, counting her blessings, even counting backwards from one thousand, but she can’t get to sleep. She has a million thoughts running through her brain, directly connected to the surging unrest in her belly.

It’s amazing how much has changed, and how much has stayed the same. The same furniture in a different bedroom. The same job, but a totally different outlook on the future. The same nighttime silence, but completely new worries and dreams filling it up.

Pam shifts her legs again, and sighs in frustration. This, finally, rouses Jim, who rolls toward her. “You OK?” he asks, his voice muffled by pillows and sleep.

“I’m fine,” she says. She knows he’ll understand.

He moves toward her, placing a kiss lightly on her shoulder as he wraps his arm around her. His hand moves under the edge of her t-shirt, the warm span of his fingers caressing her hip and around to her bellybutton in a smooth, practiced motion. It doesn’t take him long to find the spot.

“Hey you in there. Stop kicking and let your mommy get some sleep,” he says. She smiles and leans back against her husband. His touch and his voice work like magic; the baby inside her calms his relentless motion. Pam laces her fingers through Jim’s and settles in to sleep, thoroughly enjoying the stillness and the silence.