~~~~~
Jim walked into the bar and scanned the crowd to find his co-workers. He really did not want to be here on a Friday night, but unfortunately Michael had created another one of his asinine activities (or “funtivities” as he called them) to make all the office workers interact with one another outside of the office to “build relationships”. Jim had tried desperately to think of an excuse out of the event, but given that Karen had had to show Michael her actual plane ticket she had bought to visit her parents this weekend, Jim knew he didn’t stand a chance. In the long run he figured it’d be easier to just go and endure the pain than try to fight Michael on something so important to him.
“Hey Big Tuna!” Andy called out from a round table in the corner where the majority of the office workers sat. Jim smiled and waved at everyone as he approached the table. He did a mental head count: Stanley, Phyllis, Bob Vance (of course), Dwight, Angela, Meredith, Kelly, Ryan, Andy, Oscar, Kevin, and of course Michael. He noted the absence of Toby and Pam. None of them looked even the least bit amused to be forced to be there on a Friday night, except for Andy and Dwight who were, of course, always ready to serve their fearless leader.
“So, Big Tuna, where’s your foxy lady tonight,” Andy inquired in his usual annoying manner.
Jim had to fight the urge to tell him that generally foxes and fish don’t interact with one another in any way that’s beneficial for the fish, and instead replied, “Karen? Oh, she’s at her parents this weekend. She planned a trip a few months ago.”
“Which just proves yet again that she is not really a member of this family,” Michael said from the other side of the table. Jim was really not in a mood to deal with Michael’s antics today, but he reminded himself that keeping his cool was probably better than the alternative.
“So where’s Toby?” Jim asked conversationally, though secretly more curious as to the whereabouts of Pam.
“Toby! Ick. No. He was not invited.” Michael responded making a disgusted face worthy of a five year old child.
“Pam said she wasn’t feeling well, but I told her that Michael said it was imperative that she be here tonight” Dwight volunteered.
“Nice,” Jim said, slightly under his breath, his annoyance building again.
“Michael, what is the point of this?” Angela inquired in her normal condescending tone.
“I just wanted to see what this place was like! You know, hang out outside the office with my friends; you guys.” Michael’s happiness was less than contagious, and Jim swore he could hear Stanley groaning from the corner.
“Can I get you something to drink?” the waitress asked, appearing at Jim’s elbow.
“Yeah, uh, how about a Sam Adams?”
“Sure thing,” she said quickly turning away. Jim had the distinct feeling that she had already had a rather disturbing interaction with Michael earlier.
“Hey Jim, I’ll bet you $10 that I can kick your ass at pool.” Kevin said, indicating the pool tables toward the back of the bar.
“Yeah? You’re on.” Jim replied and turned to head toward the pool table.
“Awesome! Pool! I’ve always wanted to play pool,” Michael said, standing to follow them. Jim and Kevin shared a look, but didn’t protest as they continued to head toward the pool tables. Andy followed Michael and the two of them set up at the table next to Kevin and Jim.
Once they had their cues and Kevin was lining up the balls, Jim glanced back at the table to see that Angela was putting on her coat, and Stanley had already disappeared. Though slightly envious of his co-workers ability to slip out unnoticed, he was happy to play pool with Kevin.
They were a few strokes in when he felt her presence. He had known she was there the moment she had walked into the bar. It was one of those residual habits that he kept trying to break himself of, clearly unsuccessfully. Over the years, he had developed a kind of radar that was sensitive to where she was and what she was doing at any given moment. At work sometimes he felt like he could sense even her slightest movements. It was as if the air shifted somehow, and suddenly he just knew where she was in the room, and what she was doing. It was those times that he had to remind himself that he was with Karen, and he should really work on his radar with her, not revel in his ability to read the women who had broken his heart.
Yet he couldn’t help but look over at her when she had walked into the bar. She found his eyes almost immediately, and Jim secretly wondered if her radar for him was a honed as his was for her. She smiled timidly at him and then looked away hastily as if nervous to be caught looking at him. He watched her walk across the room to the office table and sit down. She began conversing with her co-workers and from her body language he could tell she was rather uncomfortable with the whole situation. He knew her well enough to know that social outings with her co-workers were not her favorite pastime. He felt an urge to go to her and say or do something to help her relax, to make her smile. But he knew it wasn’t his place anymore. It would never be his place. Either by his own choosing or by hers, they seemed to never be able to get it right.
“Hey man, your turn,” Kevin said, breaking him from his train of distracted thoughts.
Two games later, Jim was $20 richer, and Kevin’s frustration was becoming visible. Jim had won easily as he had spent many a night playing pool with his friends over the past few years. Jim had been glancing furtively over to the table, catching glimpses of Pam laughing nervously, or trying desperately to pretend to listen to Kelly’s rambling sentences. Despite her clear discomfort, she looked beautiful tonight. She wore a low cut red top he had never seen before with a pair of jeans. He also noticed the striking effect of her hair loose around her shoulders. He had to force himself to think of Karen when his eyes lingered a little too long. She might not be there, but he was with her now, and she deserved better than him longing after another woman.
“Hey man, let’s make this next game more interesting. Loser finishes their drink and buys next round,” Jim suggested. He had done this with friends in college, and had usually won because he was significantly more able to handle his liquor than his friends had ever been. But if he lost, he figured the increased alcohol might dull the sharp pangs he felt when his eyes fixated on Pam.
As Kevin reset the balls, Jim glanced back over to the table to find Pam’s eyes on him. She blushed and looked away hastily, clearly not wishing to be caught looking at him either.
He forced himself to focus on the pool game, and though his mind wandered only a few times, he still managed to lose. As he finished his third beer of the evening, he could feel the warmth of the alcohol start to permeate through him, making him feel more alive and daring. Though the object of his challenging Kevin had been to dull his senses, he found instead that they were more alive and hungry. He looked over to the table more regularly now, as if daring her to look back. For the most part she kept her eyes trained on her co-workers or her drink, which just served to infuriate his senses more.
He and Kevin continued their next game. Jim was both trying desperately to get a hold of himself, and daring himself to look at her longer.
From the moment she had walked in the bar, Pam had felt Jim’s eyes on her. She had tried to keep from meeting his gaze, feeling as though the intensity of it might burn her. Though she chatted with Kelly and Phyllis, she felt his every glance. She could sense the frequency of his looks increase the longer she sat there. Both fear and pleasure coursed through her veins. She was somewhat frightened by the boldness of his stare, but was pleased that she could still elicit such attention from him. But she knew it wasn’t her place to be the focus of such attention, and it frustrated her a little that he was putting her in that position.
Her nervous chatting with her co-workers had resulted in her drinking her two drinks a little too quickly, and soon she started to feel a buzz developing. She was more relaxed now, but also more daring. In fact, when Kelly asked her if she wanted to come into the next room with them where the DJ was playing some dance music, she assented much more quickly than she would have under any other circumstances.
When she stood and walked with Kelly and Ryan into the next room, she felt him follow her with his eyes. Maybe he would follow, she thought, but quickly pushed that thought away. No, he couldn’t follow. Though that thought saddened her slightly, she quickly became determined to have fun and dance, even if she was a dorky dancer. It didn’t matter what he did. This was for her. She was taking a step forward, not back.
Aside from the initial awkwardness of dancing with Kelly and Ryan, Pam was really having fun. She felt herself let loose for the first time in a long time. She laughed when Kelly tried to teach her new, less awkward, ways of dancing. She smiled when she felt the men around her look her up and down. She even agreed to have a few drinks with Kelly and Ryan when the waitress with a tray full of multicolored shots walked by. She was feeling really good, which she attributed to the alcohol, the music, and the fact that she was letting herself just relax and have fun.
She had been having so much fun that she hadn’t noticed Jim had entered the room until about ten minutes later. He was seated at the bar, watching the three of them dance. She made eye contact with him once and was somewhat surprised by the unveiled hunger she saw in his eyes as he watched her. The surprise quickly turned into pleasure. He couldn’t contain his desire when it came to her. He wanted her. It was written all of his face. But he had been the one to choose someone else this time. She had had to suffer the pain of watching him with Karen every single day. She had been blatantly ignored, hardly treated as even an acquaintance. But tonight, he couldn’t keep his eyes off her. She suddenly felt incredibly powerful and strong. He was watching her, and she wanted him to see what he couldn’t have now, because of the choice he had made.
It was torture watching her dance. When he had first come in, he had almost laughed out loud at the sight of her somewhat unconventional dancing, but as she lost herself in the music more, she became more fluid in her movements. He sat at the bar, ordering another beer. He was struck by his desire to be there, dancing with her, laughing with her. But he had to stay put. Just because Karen wasn’t there did not mean he could entertain his fantasies about Pam. Karen deserved better than that. He noted that that was the second time that night he had thought about Karen deserving better. He looked away, taking a sizable sip of his drink.
When his eyes found her again, she was not alone. Kelly and Ryan had moved away slightly, and Jim could clearly see that Pam was dancing with some random guy Jim had never seen before. A primal protection instinct boosted his adrenaline, and he felt the urge to go to her, and protect her from this jerk. But then he saw that she was laughing and engaged with the guy. A surge of jealous anger pulsed through him. If he had not had four drinks already, he probably would have been able to be more rational about the whole thing. If Pam wanted to dance with some random guy, that was her business. But instead, he felt jealousy rise like bile in his throat. He wanted to pummel the guy for even looking at her. And though the rational side of him tried to convince him otherwise with thoughts of Karen, he stood up and moved toward them.
Pam smiled warmly at the friendly face of Chris, the man she had been dancing with throughout the last song or two. He had introduced himself between songs, saying he was a local real estate agent. He seemed to be a nice guy, just interested in dancing with her a little. She was having fun, and deep down, she knew what seeing her with someone else must be doing to Jim. She had glanced over at him once to find his face plastered with shock, and deeper down she thought she could sense jealousy in his eyes. This just made her feel even more powerful, and she pushed on, becoming even more visibly friendly with Chris.
She was looking at Chris and smiling when she felt Jim’s hand on her lower back. The place where it rested felt practically seared by his touch. Suddenly all her senses were at high alert. She whipped her head around to look up at him, but his eyes were trained on Chris, clearly conveying possessiveness. Chris, somewhat startled by Jim’s appearance, looked down at Pam and then quickly back up at Jim.
“Hey, sorry man, I didn’t know,” Chris said apologetically. He turned away and headed for the bar, and before Pam knew what was happening, he was gone.
“What are you doing?” she asked Jim pointedly, still feeling his hand resting on her back.
“Saving you from that guy,” Jim replied, offering a tight smile.
Before Pam could protest that she didn’t need saving, and nor was it his place to do the saving, she heard Kelly practically screaming with joy that Jim had finally joined them on the dance floor. Pam felt his hand drop from her back, and her pulse begin to return to some state of normalcy. She peered up at him, surprised and somewhat annoyed that he had “come to her rescue”. Who did he think he was, acting like he owned her. She felt the rage tickle her stomach; it felt good to indulge it. He had no right to interfere with her dance partners. He was with Karen, not her.
He could feel her eyes boring into the side of his skull as he tried to stay focused on Kelly. He knew that he should have stayed in his seat, but he couldn’t watch that guy touch Pam anymore without feeling pure rage. That guy couldn’t just walk up and take Pam. It wasn’t right. Never mind that Jim had a girlfriend, he had to save Pam from this sleaze ball. Unfortunately, because of the alcohol he hadn’t thought far enough ahead to reflect on the potential consequences of his interference. Clearly she hadn’t wanted Jim’s help getting rid of this guy, which truthfully just made him even angrier. But now he didn’t know what to say, how to act. He knew he had stepped in where he shouldn’t have. He had to get out of this situation, and fast. He had Karen to consider after all.
“Yeah, I’m actually gonna get going I think,” Jim heard himself say to the group of them, “you guys have fun though!” he said with a wave, retreating toward the other room where the rest of their co-workers sat.
Pam glared after him. What the hell was he doing? Just going to “save” her and then leave? He didn’t get to have it both ways. He couldn’t just not acknowledge her for weeks and then come in to save the day just to leave again. It wasn’t fair. And she was livid.
She felt herself walked determinedly after him as if pulled by an invisible string, heedless of the confused look from Kelly. She reached him as he was nearly out the door to the bar.
“What the hell was that?” she demanded, a little too loudly.
Jim turned to face her, clearly disconcerted that they would be discussing this in front of the entire office. “Let’s go outside,” he said, holding the door for her as she hurriedly grabbed her coat from the nearby table. She felt the eyes of all her co-workers on them as they left the bar, but she didn’t care. She was too angry to care.
“Jim, seriously, what the hell?” she asked again, her anger fueled by both the alcohol and the situation.
Jim turned to face her, looking trapped. “I just…” he started, clearly not having thought about how he would explain this to her if she asked. “He was all over you Pam” he finished lamely.
“His name is Chris,” she retorted, “and he was not all over me. We were dancing. Besides, since when is it your place to interfere with my life? You already have a girlfriend,” she spat, her emotion rising with the last statement.
Jim looked at her, just taking her in. Her cheeks were flushed, her hair a little unruly, though still flowing around her shoulders. Her eyes met his and blazed with anger and passion. He had never seen her look so alive, so incredible. He felt the crushing weight of his mistake. She wasn’t his to defend. He might have wanted to be the one to defend her, but it wasn’t his place. He looked down to his feet, frustrated and ashamed.
When his eyes met hers again, he noticed hers had softened, concern beginning to seep its way into the depths of her eyes.
“I’m sorry,” he said softly, looking down again, “It’s just…” he stopped. He looked up at her again, fully aware of the emotion he was conveying with his look. He saw her start slightly, as if she felt it too, and was a little frightened by its intensity. He shrugged slightly, the alcohol intensifying his honesty “It’s you Pam.”
She felt her stomach jolt inside of her. What did he mean? Did he mean that he cared about her as a friend, so of course he would come protect her? Or did he mean that he couldn’t bear to watch her be with another man again? The thoughts rolled through her mind one after another. She couldn’t come up with anything to say. She felt trapped under the intensity of his gaze.
Though he knew he was being cryptic, he was being honest with her for the first time since last May, and it felt good. He felt like he was really looking at her for the first time since that night in the parking lot. She was as beautiful to him now as she was then. He knew his feelings for her would never really change. She would always be a part of him in some way. He knew full well that he was transparent, that his eyes conveyed his every emotion, and for once, he didn’t hold back. She deserved to know it all.
And she drank it up, every last bit of it that she could reach from him, she devoured hungrily. She realized that he did still love her, she could read it in his eyes. She knew she should look away, say something, because they were headed to dangerous ground, but she craved more from him.
He raised his hand to her arm, stroking it gently with his thumb. She felt the air escape her lungs. He moved closer to her, as if drawn by a magnet. He needed to touch her as he had longed to do ever since that night. His hand traveled up her arm to her face. She stood frozen, unable to move though she knew what was about to happen. His face moved closer to her own, his eyes still locked with hers. She had wanted this, him, for so long, and here he was right in front of her. But it wasn’t that easy. There were other things to consider. As much as she knew she would hate herself the next morning, she knew she had to stop him.
“Jim…” she whispered, stopping him. She paused, almost unable to manage the formation of the next word. “Karen…” she trailed off.
At her mention of Karen’s name he stepped back, removing his hand from her face. He felt like he had been slapped. Here he was, ready to put it all on the line, again, and here she was, rejecting him, again. Deep down he knew he should have been the one to think of Karen, and how this affected her, but his anger at Pam’s unwillingness to accept him outweighed his rational thought.
She watched as his face hardened. The eyes that had been so full moments before were suddenly cold and reserved. He was angry, and though she knew it was right to mention the existence of Karen before he did something he couldn’t take back, she felt the suffocating weight of his anger press down on her.
He stepped back away from her, shoving his hands in his pockets, his eyes fixating on the ground between them. She had refused him again. When he thought she finally understood and that maybe they could move forward, she had rejected him again. The anger boiled up inside of him. He knew he needed to get away from her.
His eyes met hers once more, clearly conveying his pain, anger and confusion. She knew that though she had done the right thing, the damage was done. And it broke her heart.
He brushed past her walking with his hands shoved in his pockets, his chin to his chest. It was over.
As he walked away, she felt her tears begin to fall, their comforting, healing heat caressing her face as they made their way down her cheeks. She realized solemnly that this was the second time in the last year that she had been left alone as he walked away into the blackness of night.
Story Notes:
I'm having a bit of writer's block with the other story I've got going, but this popped into my head and I've been desperate to get it out. I hope you enjoy!
Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.
Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.
Chapter End Notes:
Thanks for reading! I can't decide whether I want to continue with this or not...for now it's a oneshot, but please let me know what you think I should do by leaving a review! (I hear they're good for your health)
