~~~
Pam stood outside the bar, her head in her hand as she cried. She had lost him, again. She had done the right thing and it had cost her everything she had wanted for so long. Jim was furious, she could tell. As much as she wanted to go after him to try to explain, she knew that would only make things worse. So there she stood, attempting not to lose every ounce of her composure in the parking lot of the bar.
She pressed the heel of her hand to her cheek and wiped hard, hoping that like sandpaper on wood, she could scrape away the stain of her sorrow, leaving behind only the true core of herself. She knew that any moment someone would come out the doors and ask if she was alright. She didn’t feel like facing the embarrassment of being seen crying outside a bar. That was just a little too cliché for her taste.
She pulled herself together the best she could. She knew this wasn’t the end of her tears, but she had to put on a brave face, at least until she could get home.
But the thought of going home, alone, after everything that had happened was agonizing. She didn’t want to sit and wallow in her pajamas with a giant bucket of ice cream yet; it was too much like giving up. So she raised her head from her hands, took a deep shuddering breath and made up her mind to go back inside. She figured she could at least talk to Kelly for a while so that her mind would be somewhat occupied with whatever mindless drivel Kelly wanted to talk about.
It took all her strength to walk back in the doors, and she felt the eyes of all her coworkers follow her over the threshold. She felt her panic rise, and her desire to run was almost overwhelming, but the calmer, more collected version of herself made her put one foot in front of the other in search of Kelly.
For once, the fact that she could not find Kelly anywhere was extremely frustrating. Pam realized she was probably in the bathroom, or out back making out with Ryan. With a heavy sigh, Pam returned to the quieter portion of the bar and found an empty stool in the corner, far enough away from the office table to go unnoticed.
She had been sitting there for a few minutes, sipping a drink while struggling to convince herself to stay put rather than run crying from the bar. Her buzz was wearing off, which just made everything worse. She had lost almost all her resolve and was ready to bolt when she heard a voice behind her.
“Hey, it’s Pam right?”
She turned in her seat to find Chris’s warm face smiling down at her. She was surprised to find that he was still there, and even more surprised that he was brave enough to talk to her after the death look he had received from Jim.
“Uh, yeah,” she laughed nervously, “that’s me.”
“Are you okay?” Chris asked, a concerned look crossing his face as he looked at her. She realized that the residual effects of her earlier tears were probably prominently evident on her face. She mentally kicked herself for not making a pit stop in the bathroom before sitting down.
“Yeah, I’m fine,” she said, shaking her head, “It’s been a bit of a rough night.”
“Yeah, about earlier, I’m really sorry. I had no idea you were with someone…”
“Oh I’m not with him,” Pam interjected hastily. There could be no mistake on that point, she thought ruefully to herself. “I don’t know what he was doing.”
“But you do know him right?” Chris asked, a confused expression clouding his features.
“Yeah,” Pam paused, unsure of how to proceed, “we used to be close, but not anymore.” It physically hurt to say it out loud but she forced herself to suppress the pain.
“Ah,” Chris responded, pausing slightly, “I’m sorry.” Pam looked up to see his face full genuine empathy. She felt her eyes well up with tears again, not because of Jim, but because of the kindness of a stranger. She forced herself to smile slightly back up at him.
“So what brings you here tonight?” Chris asked, diverting conversation to safer topics, for which Pam was grateful. He pulled up the recently emptied bar stool next to Pam’s chair and sat down.
“Actually, I’m here for an office thing,” Pam began.
“Ah, those things are always the worst,” Chris responded knowingly.
“Tell me about it,” Pam said, smiling slightly and rolling her eyes. It felt good to smile.
“Where do you work?”
“Um, well it’s nothing too glamorous,” Pam said, suddenly nervous that this perfect stranger might think worse of her for being a mere receptionist. “I’m a receptionist at Dunder Mifflin.”
After receiving a blank look from Chris, which she had expected, she continued, “It’s a mid-range paper supply company…think Staples on a much smaller scale.”
“Ah. Sounds….how shall I say…fascinating” he said, smiling at her.
Pam laughed slightly, “Oh yeah, it’s thrilling. My boss is slightly crazy though, so that adds to the entertainment value.”
“Nice,” Chris said laughing, “Crazy how?”
“Well, he’s kinda like a 12 year old boy trapped in a man’s body.”
Chris laughed at this, and Pam smiled in return. She noted that her smiles were becoming larger and more genuine the longer the conversation carried on. It felt so good to smile and laugh again. It was like her happiness was breaking down the anger and sadness that had accumulated around her. She craved more, if for no other reason than to not be sad, even if just for a while.
As their conversation continued, she felt the urge to tell him all about Michael and all her other coworkers. She began to tell him stories about Michael’s desire to make everyone in the office like him, Dwight’s strange obsession with bobble head dolls and star wars, Stanley’s ability to do crossword puzzles no matter what was going on around him, Angela’s ability to be mean and condescending to everyone, Phyllis’s inability to stand up to Angela, the annual Dundies awards show, the office Olympics, the thing Todd Packer did to Michael’s carpet, and the fact that had just had a funeral for a bird a few weeks before. He listened to her every word, and laughed at her descriptions. When he told her he couldn’t believe this was real, she told him that she would not be working as a receptionist at a failing paper company if she was could just make this stuff up. Surely there were great careers for people with those kinds of imaginations.
Oddly enough, the more she told Chris about her life in the office, the better she felt. It was like she could purge all her sadness by telling him the ridiculous stories about what happened on a daily basis in the office. She felt lighter and more relaxed than she could remember feeling in a long time. She had been so focused on her feelings for Jim these past few weeks that she had been unable to really find happiness in anything in her life. Even her drawing was suffering. But sitting there talking to Chris was like opening up all the windows to allow the sunshine to fill a dark, dank room. He was genuinely interested in her, and what she had to say. It was easy to talk to him. He was refreshingly funny, sincere, and kind.
She couldn’t help reflect that her current conversation with Chris brought with it none of the baggage that she and Jim had to battle every time they even looked at one another. With Chris it was easy, uncomplicated, and Pam was reveling in the feeling of freedom from the weight of her past.
They talked for over an hour, and Pam thoroughly enjoyed the gentle banter back and forth between them. However, she started to get sleepy from the mix of the alcohol and the late hour. She found herself stifling a yawn.
“Am I boring you?” Chris asked teasingly.
“No!” Pam said quickly, smiling warmly at him, “I’m just exhausted. Alcohol makes me sleepy.”
“Well, we should probably get you home then. Are you okay to drive?”
“Actually I walked. I don’t live too far from here.” Pam thought to herself that it was a bit odd that she was offering that information to a man who an hour ago had been a complete stranger.
“Do you want a lift?”
“No, I’d like the walk, but thanks.”
“Okay,” Chris paused, as if contemplating his next move. “I had a really great time with you tonight Pam.”
“Yeah, me too” Pam responded, smiling warmly.
“I’d really like to see you again sometime...” he trailed off, as if hoping she pick up on the hint. She did, but she was stricken to muteness by her sudden inability to process the situation. Was he going to ask her out? Like on a real date? How should she respond? Did she want to see him again? Could she see him again?
He seemed to realize she had succumbed to momentary paralysis at his implication, but he continued on.
“Can I get your phone number? Then I could call you and we could maybe go to dinner or something.” He wasn’t backing down. She had to make a choice. Should she go out with a guy she hardly knew? Why not? She wasn’t seeing anyone. She enjoyed his company and they had had a really good time together. It couldn’t hurt to give him her number. After all, she didn’t have to answer her phone when he called. She could put off deciding until he called her. If he called her.
Her mind traveled briefly to Jim. But this wasn’t about Jim. This was about her. She had to take control of her life. She was sick of being miserable. She was sick of spending the weekends wallowing in her apartment. With Chris she had felt happy again, and she wanted that feeling to continue. So, she would make a decision; for herself.
She suddenly realized she hadn’t spoken, letting the awkward silence stretch between them while she chased her thoughts around inside her head. “Uh, yeah, sure,” she said dumbly. She made a mental note to work on coherent responses for next time. If there would be a next time of course. She scribbled her number on the bar napkin in front of her, and again felt ridiculously cliché. Here she had met a guy, at a bar, and was giving him her phone number on a napkin. Wow.
“Alright, well I’ll call you then.” Chris smiled, clearly happy to have received her phone number.
“Okay, sounds good. Goodnight!” She picked up her coat and headed toward the door. She felt light and happy. She felt attractive and special. She thought maybe her future would be more promising than it had seemed just a few hours prior. She was taking control of her own life, rather than letting him determine her happiness. It was up to her now. She waved to her remaining co-workers still holed up at the corner table and felt incredibly free as she strode out the doors into the cold wintry night.
She smiled to herself as she made the short walk home, feeling the chill in the air pierce through her lungs, revitalizing her. This had not been the outcome she had been expecting, but even so, it had turned out to be a pretty good day.
Author's Chapter Notes:
Thanks everyone for all the encouragement to continue with this story! I had to sit and stew for a while, but I've come up with a storyline I'm quite frankly in love with...so thanks for all the encouraging words!!
Enjoy!
Also, I tip my hat to the writers of The Office, who do this so much better than I ever could. Thanks for letting us be a part of your world.
Now here's the real disclaimer...
Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.
Enjoy!
Also, I tip my hat to the writers of The Office, who do this so much better than I ever could. Thanks for letting us be a part of your world.
Now here's the real disclaimer...
Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.
Chapter End Notes:
~~~
Yeah. There it is. Please don't throw rocks at me! I have JAM's best interests at heart I swear!
Love it? Hate it? Review it! :)
Yeah. There it is. Please don't throw rocks at me! I have JAM's best interests at heart I swear!
Love it? Hate it? Review it! :)
