As soon as Da-wight and Penn Halpert were on the other side of the bridge, Da-wight stopped abruptly.  He put his hand up, signaling a stop, and nearly hitting Penn in the face.  He sniffed the air, looked up into the sky, and shook his head.  “Sundown is approaching, Halpert.  The Chupacabra is nocturnal.  We will need to be extra wary once the sun goes down.”

“How much further do you think we’ll need to go?” Pennsylvania wondered.

“Oh, about a league.”

“A league?  Who uses those measurements anymore?” Pennsylvania muttered as they trudged along a narrow path.

“It is an accurate form of measurement, Halpert,” Dwight shot back, irritated.  “Aha!” he suddenly shouted, sprinting up the hill.  Penn rolled his eyes, wondering what “discovery” Dwight had made that caused him to run so fast up the hill.  “There,” he pointed.  They were now at the ridge of Montage Mountain and Dwight was pointing downhill, towards a deep canyon, the sides spotted with trees.  “He should be in that canyon.”

“Great, let’s go,” Penn said, eager to kill the monster and save the receptionist.

“Not so fast, Halpert,” Dwight said, clutching Penn’s shoulder.  “We must be cautious.  The Chupacabra is a very sensitive creature.  We must be careful not to provoke it.  Do you have meat on you?”  Penn shook his head slowly.  “Good.  Alright, we must also be careful not to offend it.  No snarkiness at all, or it WILL attack.  Also, no mention of Disney sequels.  He abhors them.  No need to anger him.”  Dwight paused in thought.  “Do you have any pictures of you?”

“Of myself?  No; why?”

“The creature is distracted—and strangely delighted—with pictures of its enemies.”

“Wait,” Penn said, realizing he did have one picture…  Michael had taken it at the Christmas party years ago, but Penn had stolen it from Michael’s desk and kept it in his wallet.  He meant to destroy it one day, but he seemed to keep forgetting.  That, and he discovered that Pam liked looking at it.  He handed the picture to Dwight, blushing slightly at the revealing picture.  Dwight took a look at it, raised an eyebrow, and looked at Penn.  “Don’t ask,” he begged, hanging his head.

Dwight let out a breath and tucked the picture into his shirt pocket.  “Alright, well, let’s get going.”  Dwight led the way into the canyon, Penn following close behind.

“Da-wight, look out!” Penn said, ducking low.  A black, furry creature lunged at them, leaping over a nearby boulder.  Penn pulled out his .44 Magnum and pointed it at the creature as it growled and snarled, drooled and frothed.  The creature faced Penn and readied itself to pounce once again.  Penn pulled the trigger and the creature fell back.  Penn stepped forward to ensure that it was dead, but it sprang back to life and charged towards Penn.  Dwight pulled out his ninja stars and began hurling them towards the creature.  He aimed poorly, however, and one grazed Penn’s shoulder.  “Da-wight, you idiot!”

“You were in my way!” Dwight argued.

Penn let out a groan as he pulled the trigger again.  The creature fell back, but neither man trusted that it was dead.  Dwight pulled out his fish knife and began to stab it mercilessly.  As he did so, green blood oozed out, spilling onto the forest floor.  The creature changed before their eyes.  Soon the men had their heads tilted, looking down at a familiar face.  Lying before them was K****, complete with business suit pants and a muffin top.  Penn shook his head.  “I don’t understand,” he muttered.

“I suppose,” Dwight began, scratching his chin, “the Chupacabra is like a werewolf of sorts.  Interesting…”

Penn sighed.  “Well, we better move on,” he sighed.  “We still haven’t found… the other people from the office.”  As they continued on, Penn thought back on his happy times with Pam.  What would he ever do if he lost her forever?  Even the simplest of times would be lost to him.  The times when they folded laundry together, or when they went to the zoo to look at the capybaras… And the more special times, when they went to the Poconos to ski in the winter, or golf in the spring.  Pam was an excellent golfer, and Penn didn’t mind at all spending incredible amounts of money to buy her the proper shoes and clothes.

The sun finally descended below the horizon and in the dusk, Dwight pointed out a cave not very far away.  They heard a scuffling and a growl, and the approached cautiously.

“It must be the Sasquatch,” Dwight whispered.  Penn nodded in agreement.  Dwight pulled out his ninja stars as Jim readied his gun.  Simultaneously, they drew their weapons and aimed for the tall, hairy creature in the dim light.  They heard him groan and snarl.  Dwight ran in first, screaming as he hoisted his fishing knife over his head.  As with the Chupacabra, Dwight stabbed the creature repeatedly.  Dwight then pulled out a flashlight and shined it around the cave.

“Uh, Da-wight?” Penn said, looking at the Sasquatch.  The hairy beast soon changed (though only slightly) into another familiar face—it was R**.

“Both Chupacabra and Sasquatch are were-creatures?!” he exclaimed in surprise.  “Incredible!”

Penn sighed.  “Let’s see if there’s anyone here.”  The two men wandered further into the cave, shining the flashlight here and there, trying to see in the low light.

“Here!” Dwight called out, standing over a slight figure.  He shined his light down on the person, who was covered in a rough blanket.  Dwight pulled back the blanket to reveal the seemingly sleeping form of Pam.

Penn knelt down slowly, laying a hand on her shoulder.  He rolled her onto her back and touched her face gently.  Penn felt no breath coming from her nose or mouth.  He tried to take her pulse at her neck, but felt nothing.  Tears streamed down Jim’s face as he looked at Pam.  After so long, when they were finally together, only to be taken from her—and by K**** and R** no less!  The tears flowed freely, down his stubbled cheeks and landing on his oxford shirt.  He breathed heavily, his shoulders shaking violently as he wept for his beloved.  “NO!” he called out.  “No, no, no…” he muttered, holding her face in his hands.  He bent down and kissed her lips softly.  “Go away, Da-wight,” Penn ordered.

“But--”

“GO!!!”

Dwight slowly walked towards the entrance to the cave.  As he was about to reach the mouth of the cave, he heard a loud gunshot.  Dwight ran back to where he had left Penn and found him lying on the ground beside Pam.

“Jiiiiiiiiiiiim!” Dwight called out in pain.  Losing the other morons in the office was difficult, but he had shared intimate parts of his life with Jim, and though he hated to admit it, Jim was kind of his friend.  Shortly after Dwight began to cry for Jim, he heard a staggered breath come from Pam.  She gasped for breath and Dwight helped her to sit up.  He shook his head.  Pam was still alive, and Jim… Jim had killed himself because he had lost her…  What a quandary the couple was in now!

Pam looked around her, confused.  She saw Jim’s lifeless body, a large hole in his head (and the back of his head blown out) by the .44 Magnum.  She shook her head angrily.  “Why, Jim??”

“He thought you were dead,” Dwight said quietly.

“How will I live without you?” she asked rhetorically of the dead man beside her.  Weeping, she took up the gun in his hand.  Dwight tried to take it from her, but she pointed it at Dwight.  “Go now, Dwight.”

“Pam, no,” he argued.  “Don’t take your own life—you can move on!  You’re strong!”

“Dwight, what would you do if Angela was dead?”

Dwight looked down, knowing that Angela was dead, along with Michael and the rest of the office staff.  “She is, Pam.  But I’m still here.”

“You’re here because you had a mission,” she said.  “You had a reason to move forward—to keep living.  You were hunting the creatures that stole us, and now that they’re dead, and Angela’s dead, what reason do you have to keep living?”

“Well, I… I have my beet farm… and Mose… Mose needs me.”

Pam nodded.  “I’m glad someone needs you, Dwight.  But I don’t have a Mose.  I had a Jim, but now he’s gone.  Please don’t stop me.”

Dwight sighed.  “Fine.”  Dwight let out a breath and got up to leave.  As he exited the cave, he heard the gun shot ring out.  He cringed and shed a few tears.  He worked his way towards civilization, deciding that it was appropriate that Jim and Pam had ended that way.  It seemed senseless, but in a way, it was romantic.  It was like Romeo and Juliet—the Claire Danes version, of course. 

Dwight found himself weeping as he went home that night, realizing that not only had he lost the love of his life, but he had also lost his two best friends.