TO: JHalpert@DunderMifflin.com
FROM: PBeesly@DunderMifflin.com
Subject: I’m sooooo Bored!
Jim,
My boredom requires me to ask this of you: what do you have for lunch?
Pam
TO: PBeesly@DunderMifflin.com
FROM: JHalpert@DunderMifflin.com
Subject: Ham & Cheese, obviously.
Pam,
I’ll send you a link to ‘fishmequick’ – it’s totally addictive and there are fish.
J
TO: JHalpert@DunderMifflin.com
FROM: PBeesly@DunderMifflin.com
Subject: So addictive!
Wow. How do you ever get any work done, this game is crazy?
TO: PBeesly@DunderMifflin.com
FROM: JHalpert@DunderMifflin.com
Subject: What is this “work” you speak of?
By the way, just to put it out there…my top score is 5,805 – suck on that Beesly!
TO: JHalpert@DunderMifflin.com
FROM: PBeesly@DunderMifflin.com
Subject: No way.
5,805 – it can’t be done. You lie Halpert.
TO: PBeesly@DunderMifflin.com
FROM: JHalpert@DunderMifflin.com
Subject: Would I?
5,805 – That’s the whole truth and nothing but.
Pam looked over at Jim and grinned as he nodded solemnly.
His day had started like any other; they had IM’d until he was called away on a conference call and then he had spent countless minutes up at the reception desk regaling Pam with tales of his weekend playing paintball with some of the guys from the office. Well mainly they laughed over Jim’s description of Dwight in his full combat wear and his insistence on wearing night vision goggles every time he entered one of the small tunnels which formed part of the battle ground.
But now everything was different.
He didn’t want to know. He couldn’t know. Jim lunged for the stairwell door and once on the other side he jogged down the two flights, slammed open the door to the building and bolted across the car park. He couldn’t be there any more…not today, he wasn’t strong enough. Jim climbed inside his car and had started the engine and let the car roll towards the entrance before putting on his seat belt. He drove the entire way home with the right wing mirror folded against the window and the AC on high – despite the freezing December temperature, his blood coursed like molten lava through his veins. The rage he felt was unlike anything he had felt before and it scared him. He felt out of control. He swung the car onto the thin stretch of drive outside his apartment building and slamming the driver-side door he pounded up the steps and only breathed out when he heard the heavy front door close behind him.
She was dating! Christ, she had done more than that according to the fragments of the conversation he had overheard. He hadn’t so much as glanced at another woman since ending things with Karen. I mean why would he? He had ended things to be with her; she had to know that. She had told him that she broke off her wedding because of him. She told him that she wished he’d come back to her and so he had.
He was single again. Pam overheard, as did the rest of the office Karen yelling at him in the break room on that Friday afternoon, a week to the day after the job interviews. She had cleaned out her desk all the while staring daggers at him. She’d even thrown a dirty look or ten Pam’s way - it was obvious surely that what she had said to him had caused that. That night, after the rest of the office had filed out, he had helped her on with her jacket and they walked to the elevator together for the first time in months. It was familiar and new all at the same time; it was them. He even contemplated taking her hand but his nerves got the better of him and instead they walked side by side, her arms brushing against his side as they made their was to the parking lot. It wasn’t holding hands, but it was something.
When they reached her blue Yaris, he was about to speak when Karen swam into his field of vision – she was shouting at him, telling him that she wasn’t done yet and he had motioned for Pam to get inside the car before heading Karen off. She had been crying, hard, and he felt like the biggest asshole in the world for hurting her like he had. She had followed him to Scranton and he had led her along. He hadn’t meant to; hell he wasn’t sure that he was conscious of doing so but the end result was the same. He had broken up with her just a couple of days after Pam had said that she missed him – Karen wasn’t stupid or blind and even though he told her that Pam’s confession wasn’t the only reason behind him leaving her, she had seen through his bullshit. So, while he stood soaking up Karen’s anger, Pam had driven away; what else could she do.
He had tried to call her a couple of times on the Saturday but her cell was switched off and she wasn’t answering her home phone. He drove round to her house the next day but the curtains were closed and there was no answer when he rang the door bell. When he came into work on Monday, he found out that she had gone to New York to study for the design course, he didn’t know she had applied (it stunned him to realise just how far apart they had drifted) but even though he had been thinking about what he was going to say to her the whole weekend, he was so proud of her for taking the chance that he swallowed his disappointment and told himself that she would be back in a couple of weeks.
They had spoken and emailed over the course of the two weeks but their conversations were made up of banter and small talk; it never once ventured into more awkward territory. He figured that this was probably the right way to go; he didn’t want to blurt out all of the feelings he had been suppressing for years over the phone or in an email. He wanted to tell her face to face; she deserved his honesty. But then she had come back and it was as if they couldn’t lose the banter, the jokes and the small talk – every time he would start to initiate deeper conversation, she would get a worried look on her face and then he would back down. He wasn’t sure if she was nervous to be around him when they weren’t joking about or making inane conversation or that she didn’t want to talk to him about what she had said on the beach. It didn’t make sense and slowly his confidence in her feelings began to erode and so it was four months later than he found her chatting with Kelly about a date she had been on the night before.
That was less than an hour ago and his world was now out of kilter; his guts twisted painfully and he sank to the floor of his small kitchen and slammed his head a couple of times against the cupboard door. She had gone out with another guy – how was this possible? At that moment he hated her and he swiped angrily at the tears that had fallen onto his cheek. He sat forward and reached behind him to pull open the door; he fumbled about until he felt his fingers touch the cold glass. Bringing the whisky bottle to his lips he fell back again and took down a long drink; the honey coloured liquid scorched his throat but he found after the fourth or fifth drink the burn had gone.
His cell vibrated against his thigh and he answered it with a taut hello.
“Jim. It’s me, Pam. Er, are you okay? Dwight saw you leaving earlier and he said you looked like you were going to throw up or something.”
“Or something.” He hissed.
“Huh? So, are you sick? Are you coming back to work?”
“No.”
“So you’re sick?”
“Yeah, I guess I am.”
“Sorry, Jim, I can hardly hear you, the damn fax machine is bleating and I can’t quite…do you need anything?”
“Nah. I’m good.”
“Do you think you’ll be in tomorrow then?”
“No idea…probably.” He slurred a little and then tried to collect himself for fear she would realise that he was drunk. The very last thing he needed was her pity or concern.
“Crap…hang on…Michael, there’s a fax from Corporate for you.”
Jim could hear Michael sigh and then he was saying something to Pam…something about her putting the fax in the corporate in-tray. He heard Pam telling him that it was marked urgent and that perhaps putting it in the trash wasn’t the most sensible option and then she was back.
“Sorry Jim. So, listen, I’ll call you later okay; things are manic here at the moment and I want to talk to you, to check that you’re feeling better. Why do I sometimes feel more like a babysitter than a receptionist? Don’t answer that. Preserve your strength, you’re sick. So, can I call you?”
“Kinda woozy okay...throat is sore. Nothing to report other than a cold I think.” His voice sounded strange to his own ears and he tried to think of a way to end the call as quickly as possible.
“Okay, well no more talking for you then. Hey, I’ll email you when I get home okay – that way we can talk with our fingers and you can rest your voice.”
“Talk with our fingers?”
“Sure. Hey you really don’t sound well – do you want me to come by on my way home?” The concern in her voice was evident.
“No! Listen, it’s just a cold…email me okay, that’s best I think.” He faked coughed and then told her that he had to go.
It was just after 7pm and Jim woke up on the kitchen floor. His whole body ached; the cold tile had penetrated his bones and he felt painfully weak. He climbed onto all fours and pushed himself up; using the worktop as leverage, he managed to stand up. His head span and he just made it to the sink before vomiting. If he thought the whisky tasted rank on the way down, it was nothing compared to the stinging bitter taste that assaulted his mouth when he threw up.
Doubled over, he stumbled to the bathroom, still drunk and turned on the shower. He climbed in fully clothed and let the sharp warm spray flash against his face and neck. He wasn’t dexterous enough to undo his shirt buttons and so fought to pull the soaking material over his head, a few of the buttons pinged against the shower wall and eventually, the skin on the top his arms raw from the struggle he was free. He flung the shirt and it landed in the nearby sink. His pants were a little easier to remove and soon he was naked and as the spray pummelled his cold skin, he gave into the pain and cried.
Pam grabbed her laptop from her bedroom and settled herself on the oversized armchair which sat in the bay window of her tiny one bedroom apartment. The apartment building itself was a converted mid-nineteenth century schoolhouse and there were remnants of historical detail throughout. Sadly though, the conversion work had stripped her apartment of such detail but the large bay window remained and she adored it. The sash window frames were still in working order and the pretty hand carved window seat was her favourite place to sit to view the world.
She placed her glass of wine on the side table next to her and logged onto her hotmail account. She typed in his email address and had written “Hi” and then she went totally blank. It was fine when they were at work; the joking and banter had come back naturally and there were always other people around to keep the conversation light. But, they hadn’t seen each other outside of work and had spoken on the phone only a few times and now there was no one to hide behind, no ready anecdotes to toss about to distract her from what she really wanted to say to him. What did she want to say? Hey Jim, so I poured my heart out on that beach and you have said not one word to me about it. Did you break up with Karen because of what I said? If you did, then why aren’t we together, why haven’t you told me how you feel about me now? Hey Jim, it’s been months since I told you that I miss you, what do you have to say? Do you miss me, do you love me? Do you still want me?
When she learned that he had left Karen, she was sure that this was it for them, that finally they could be honest with each other. She sensed that he wanted to hold her hand that evening they left the office together but when he didn’t, she made sure that she walked a little closer to him, needing that contact. Then Karen was there yelling at him and she had wanted to cry; it was all such a mess. She waited until Jim had drawn Karen away from the front of her car and then drove away. She felt like she was sneaking off, and in a way she was. She liked Karen and under different circumstances, she thought that they might have been good friends but then there was Jim. She thought that he might call her later that evening but he didn’t and part of her worried that they had gotten back together. She spent a fitful night imagining them kissing in the parking lot and then going back to Jim’s house for make up sex. In some of the dreams, he called out her name when he pushed into Karen and in others he said nothing, tears falling softly on his cheek. She woke up; her face and neck were wet with tears. It helped that she had to pack for her course in the city; it took her mind off Jim and Karen for whole seconds at a time. She hadn’t told him that she had applied, she would have told him last night but then other events got in the way of that. On the train on the way there, she typed a text message to him but then didn’t send it. She couldn’t really find the words – ‘Jim, we need to talk. I miss you’ was the best that she could come up with and it wasn’t good enough. Besides, what if he had fixed things with Karen? She wasn’t about to humiliate herself a second time. No, it was his move now and four months later she was still waiting for him to make it.
It wasn’t a date. Lloyd was a friend of Kelly’s older brother that had shown up at the bar where she and Kelly were enjoying cocktails and he had come over and joined them. He was funny in an obvious kind of way and he was definitely good looking – the way that Kelly drooled into her Manhattan told Pam that she was harbouring a crush on the guy. When he told her that he had studied art history at college, the conversation had taken off from there – he was easy to talk to, there was no pressure, no hidden agenda or buried feelings to mess with her head.
When Ryan turned up a little later to take them home, she had agreed to stay on and continue their conversation without thinking about how it would seem to other people. Perhaps because she wasn’t thinking that there was anything in it, she presumed that this was also true from the outside looking in. But there was something in it. The more she drank, the sadder she became and it dawned on her that this guy liked her, he was into her and it felt good.
When he offered to ride in the taxi with her back to her place, she said nothing and when he followed her inside and sat at her kitchen table with a cup of coffee that she had promised him, she didn’t think beyond what was happening at that very moment. It wasn’t going to go anywhere – he was nice and when he leaned closer to her in the bar he smelled good, but he wasn’t Jim and so it hadn’t occurred to her that things would escalate. She was just enjoying the conversation and the fact that he looked at her like she he wanted to kiss her, it made her feel wanted for the first time in a long time.
When he had come up behind her and slipped his arms around her waist as she rinsed the coffee mugs, she froze. He leaned into her and pulled her hair away from her neck and began to kiss her softly until he reached her ear. She could feel him breathing heavily against her back and she closed her eyes and imagined that this was Jim. This was Jim that had her pinned to the sink and was kissing her neck and running his hands across her stomach. It was Jim that breathed into her ear that he wanted her. She kept her eyes closed as he turned her around and kissed her – it was Jim that slid his tongue into her mouth and pushed her backwards until the lip of the sink pressed into the small of her back. It was Jim that kissed her hard as he undid the buttons on her blouse and then ran his hands over her breasts. When he had reached between them and slipped his hand under the waistband of her jeans, she opened her eyes and the spell was broken.
He had left, confused and a little pissed off with her sudden change of heart and she supposed with the vague explanation that she had offered for ending things. She didn’t care at all. As soon as he had left she went to the bathroom and ran herself a bath. As she soaked in the tub she felt anger bubble away inside her until she wanted to scream. Jim hadn’t made a move, they weren’t together and still she couldn’t help feeling like she had cheated on him. She wanted so desperately for the burning pain in her chest to subside, for her nerves and emotions to even out – she wanted a resolution one way or another. They were in limbo; they had proven to each other than they were more than friends and yet nothing had happened.
Earlier when she had closed her eyes and imagined that it was Jim that was touching her, she realised just how much she wanted him and for a minute she considered driving over to his house and forcing him to confront what was going on between them. But she didn’t have the stomach for it – what if he said that he wanted only to be friends, what if he felt that being more than that was too hard. Sometimes she felt that way. Pam sunk underneath the water line and stayed there until her lungs screamed for air.
She deleted the “Hi” she had written and went with “Jim” instead.
TO: JHalpert19@hotmail.com
FROM: BeeslyP@hotmail.com
Subject: None.
Jim
How are you feeling?
Pam
She almost typed an x under her name but changed her mind and then hit the send button before she could change it back again. It was a full hour before he replied.
TO: BeeslyP@hotmail.com
FROM: JHalpert19@hotmail.com
Subject: None.
Hey,
I’m feeling a little better. How was the rest of your day at work?
Jim
TO: JHalpert19@hotmail.com
FROM: BeeslyP@hotmail.com
Subject: None.
Uneventful, thank goodness! Michael was holed up in his office all afternoon filing in one of Kelly’s Cosmo quizzes.
Glad you are on the mend.
Pam
TO: BeeslyP@hotmail.com
FROM: JHalpert19@hotmail.com
Subject: None.
Yikes – let’s pray he doesn’t want to share the results with the office. So, whatcha up to Beesly?
TO: JHalpert19@hotmail.com
FROM: BeeslyP@hotmail.com
Subject: None.
Nothing much. Just sitting here on my big chair reading.
TO: BeeslyP@hotmail.com
FROM: JHalpert19@hotmail.com
Subject: None.
So, what are you reading…don’t tell me…the bible, no, Germanic beet farming of the sixteenth century…no, porn?!
TO: JHalpert19@hotmail.com
FROM: BeeslyP@hotmail.com
Subject: None.
Idiot! If you must know I’m reading Calvin & Hobbs. Don’t laugh.
TO: BeeslyP@hotmail.com
FROM: JHalpert19@hotmail.com
Subject: None.
What, I love Calvin & Hobbs – I have Psycho Jungle Cat on the table beside my bed at this very moment. Hobbs rules!
TO: JHalpert19@hotmail.com
FROM: BeeslyP@hotmail.com
Subject: None.
He so does. Actually, Calvin kind of reminds me of you and those faces you pull sometimes.
TO: BeeslyP@hotmail.com
FROM: JHalpert19@hotmail.com
Subject: None.
Explain?!
TO: JHalpert19@hotmail.com
FROM: BeeslyP@hotmail.com
Subject: None.
You are so funny is all and you have a very expressive face.
TO: BeeslyP@hotmail.com
FROM: JHalpert19@hotmail.com
Subject: None.
You have a very pretty face.
TO: JHalpert19@hotmail.com
FROM: BeeslyP@hotmail.com
Subject: None.
So, do you think you’ll make it in tomorrow?
When she read his last email, her heart began to beat faster. She didn’t know how to respond and so she changed tack.
TO: BeeslyP@hotmail.com
FROM: JHalpert19@hotmail.com
Subject: None.
I should imagine so. How was your date?
He just told her she was pretty and then asked her flat out how her date was - evidently the booze was still swilling round his system. No. It wasn’t that, he was tired and sad and felt as though he had nothing to lose anymore.
TO: JHalpert19@hotmail.com
FROM: BeeslyP@hotmail.com
Subject: None.
It wasn’t a date.
TO: BeeslyP@hotmail.com
FROM: JHalpert19@hotmail.com
Subject: None.
Then what was it, Pam?
TO: JHalpert19@hotmail.com
FROM: BeeslyP@hotmail.com
Subject: None.
It was drinks with Kelly and then something else.
TO: BeeslyP@hotmail.com
FROM: JHalpert19@hotmail.com
Subject: None.
Something else? Hey, we’re meant to be friends right – you can tell me.
TO: JHalpert19@hotmail.com
FROM: BeeslyP@hotmail.com
Subject: None.
Yes, we are friends but no, I don’t think I can.
TO: BeeslyP@hotmail.com
FROM: JHalpert19@hotmail.com
Subject: None.
Why not? Did he have bad teeth, bad breath…bad intentions?
TO: JHalpert19@hotmail.com
FROM: BeeslyP@hotmail.com
Subject: None.
None of the above.
TO: BeeslyP@hotmail.com
FROM: JHalpert19@hotmail.com
Subject: None.
I’ll bet!
TO: JHalpert19@hotmail.com
FROM: BeeslyP@hotmail.com
Subject: None.
What’s that supposed to mean?
TO: BeeslyP@hotmail.com
FROM: JHalpert19@hotmail.com
Subject: None.
It means that I overheard you telling Kelly that he came back to your place – you’d had some drinks, I’m sure his intentions were bad. Am I wrong?
TO: JHalpert19@hotmail.com
FROM: BeeslyP@hotmail.com
Subject: None.
You are not wrong. But we are not having this conversation.
TO: BeeslyP@hotmail.com
FROM: JHalpert19@hotmail.com
Subject: None.
Maybe we should have this conversation. Perhaps it’s what we need.
TO: JHalpert19@hotmail.com
FROM: BeeslyP@hotmail.com
Subject: None.
You need me to tell you that I invited a guy that I just met in a bar back to my place and then we made out in the kitchen? Do you REALLY need to hear that, Jim?
TO: BeeslyP@hotmail.com
FROM: JHalpert19@hotmail.com
Subject: None.
Is that all you did – make out?
TO: JHalpert19@hotmail.com
FROM: BeeslyP@hotmail.com
Subject: None.
It’s none of your business.
TO: BeeslyP@hotmail.com
FROM: JHalpert19@hotmail.com
Subject: None.
So, I guess you and me are done then?
TO: JHalpert19@hotmail.com
FROM: BeeslyP@hotmail.com
Subject: None.
How can we be done, we never started? You know, you’re mighty brave when you have a computer to hide behind.
TO: BeeslyP@hotmail.com
FROM: JHalpert19@hotmail.com
Subject: None.
DITTO!
TO: JHalpert19@hotmail.com
FROM: BeeslyP@hotmail.com
Subject: None.
I can’t believe you are being this way. Why are you trying to make it seem as if it’s all my fault? We aren’t together; I didn’t cheat on you – hell, for all I know you sleep with a different girl every night.
TO: BeeslyP@hotmail.com
FROM: JHalpert19@hotmail.com
Subject: None.
You are right. What you did wasn’t cheating. I guess I just thought that things would be different than they are.
TO: JHalpert19@hotmail.com
FROM: BeeslyP@hotmail.com
Subject: None.
Honestly, Jim, how do you want them to be?
TO: BeeslyP@hotmail.com
FROM: JHalpert19@hotmail.com
Subject: None.
I want to be the one taking you home. I want to be the one kissing you in your kitchen. I want that guy to be me. How’s that for honesty?
TO: JHalpert19@hotmail.com
FROM: BeeslyP@hotmail.com
Subject: None.
Answer your phone.
Jim lunged for the phone.
“Pam?”
“Hi. Erm, now we are talking I don’t know what to say. Talking is so much harder than typing.”
“Yes it is. I’m so sick of not knowing and second guessing every little remark you make and questioning every look you throw my way. I want to be with you. I always have but I guess I haven’t trusted that you still feel that way about me. Pam… how do you feel about me?”
“I love you.” There she had said it out loud and suddenly she wasn’t afraid anymore.
“Jim…Jim, are you there?” She was talking to a dial tone.
Sitemap | Terms of Service | Submission Rules | FAQs | Disclaimer | Donate | Contact Us |
© 2006-2023 More Than That | Skin created by Kali
© 2006-2023 More Than That | Skin created by Kali