Jim punched his alarm clock, thinking, Please stop yelling at me. He had some trouble sleeping the night before, the night before he began his career as a teacher at West Scranton High School. He had gone over his lesson plan several times until he finally decided he had it in the bag. Just play it cool, he thought. After he got cleaned up and ate a quick breakfast, he was out the door and on his way.
His first class began at 8:30, and he got there at 7:45, checking in at the office first, just to let them know he didn’t chicken out. Plus, it meant he got to say hi to Pam. And see her smile at him. Yeah, that was the real reason he stopped by there, as he had found himself doing so multiple times a day during teacher preparation week. Now, on Monday, the first day of school, he saw no reason to break the habit. He did, however, decide to keep his relationship with her more professional, so that they became more like work acquaintances. She’s taken, he told himself. Plus, this is my job. We don’t really have that much to talk about except me torturing Dwight. And I can’t go on pranking Dwight all the time, even though he deserves it. It’s not worth getting fired over. Jim had resigned himself to acting professional. Or at least somewhat professional. He was not going to be one of those teachers that put his class to sleep.
The bell rang at 8:30, and Jim walked into the room from the side hall, seeing his class all seated. He said nothing and tried to put on a tough exterior. “You two,” he pointed at two of the boys in the front row, “get up here and pass out these books,” Jim said, pointing to a tall stack of new textbooks at the front of the room. “We are going to read pages one through twenty-two, SILENTLY, and then I want you to write a four-page synopsis of those pages, including your reactions and critique to the reading. Please keep emotional-type comments to a minimum. Begin the assignment when you receive your book. I expect it to be handed in at the beginning of class tomorrow. I’m going to get back to writing my novel.”
The class sat stunned. They slowly began their assignment, sort of shocked that this was how their year was going to go. A couple of minutes later, Jim heard some murmurs in the room and told the class to ‘pipe down.’
About 10 minutes in, Jim decided that they had had enough. Jim stood up and addressed the class. “Okay, I think that’s enough of that. Close your books, please. See, I had this bet with my roommate that I would scare my classes on my first day. And I really wanted to win. So you can’t blame me for that, right?” Jim smiled. “Okay, now that we have that out of the way, I want you guys to know that I actually don’t take myself quite that seriously. My name is Jim Halpert. You guys can call me Mr. Halpert or Jim or Jim Halpert. I kind of prefer Jim. Mr. Halpert is my dad’s name.” Jim heard some soft groans. “Yeah, it’s an old joke, but I just spent four years at college listening to them from professors, so it’s all I’ve got. The difference between high school and college, it seems, is that the kids in college are smart enough to at least chuckle at them.” Jim heard a couple of laughs at that one. “Quick learners, I like that. Good at following direction. I knew this was the right school. It’s my first day teaching, and I’m kind of excited about it. Seeing as how I didn’t really like freaking you guys out and how incredibly easy it was,” Jim paused, “I’ve decided I want a challenge this year instead of a sure thing. So I want to see if I can get at least some of you to show an interest in English. Though, you’ve spoken it for a while, so you should have some interest. So, okay, here’s what we are going to do instead of the scary assignment I tried to give you earlier,” Jim said. “Flip to the poetry section, and get in groups of like three or four. Pick one of the poems you like. Tomorrow, so that I can get to know all of you, I want you to tell the class why you like the poem and also bring in a song to play that reminds you of both the poem and yourself in some way. That will probably take us a couple of days. See the good thing about assignments like this is, for me, you guys tend to like them and I don’t really have to do any work. That’s the best of both worlds, right? So, that’s your job for today- talk about the poems with your classmates and maybe work together on song ideas. Do that for at least a while. See, I know how these group assignments go- pretty soon you guys will talking about parties and the football game on Friday and how stuck up the Bishop O’Hara kids are.” That got some laughs. “I do agree about that, but please do some work first. I know it’s your first day back and it’s kind of early, but do me a personal favor and make my first day easy.” The class actually seemed a little excited about the project, and mostly a little taken aback by their new teacher.
Class went on for the next forty minutes until Jim stood up in the front. “Okay, guys, we have just a few minutes left and I wanted to say a couple things. First, please don’t tell anyone about the act I put on at the beginning. I kind of want to do it to all of my classes today, because, well, I have to win my bet.” His class smiled. “So if you tell everyone anything, tell them about that and pretend it went on the whole time. If any of you want to cry or something, that would be perfect. Also, please remember your songs tomorrow, and please pick up a syllabus on the way out, which I will put right…here,” Jim finished as he set the syllabi down on a desk in the back. “Please take good care of those. It’s my first official syllabus ever, and if I do say so myself, it is absolutely spectacular. Truly puts any other syllabus you’ve ever seen to shame. Plus, I spent a chunk of last week, my summer, working on them. I told Angela, Ms. Martin to you guys, that it took me 12 hours to finish. Actually, it took about 45 minutes, and I may or may not follow it. But she is my boss, and to be honest, she scares me. Um, that’s it; see you tomorrow.” Just then, the bell rang and everyone got up. “HOLD IT!” Jim yelled. “The bell does not dismiss you! I dismiss you!” Jim broke out in a smile. “I’m just kidding; I just always wanted to say that.”
The class laughed again and began to leave. “Seriously, though, tell everyone I’m a jerk, please.”
The rest of Jim’s classes went pretty much the same way, and before he knew it, Jim had reached the final period of the day, which was his planning period. Which was awesome, by the way, to have the last period of the day off. Though Angela had made it quite clear to him that he was supposed to work the entire time, and that it was not some kind of “glorified playtime.” It was pretty clear that Angela was not a huge fan of Jim’s after hearing of his prank against Dwight, which Jim had finished off today by putting the picture he took of Dwight in a frame in the trophy case with the caption, “Dwight K. Schrute. Gold Medalist, 22nd Sci-Fi Olympiad.” Jim swore that was the last prank he would pull on Dwight. Plus, that was really more finishing the prank he had already started. He was pretty proud, though, when he heard some people talking about it when he walked to lunch. A part of Jim, however, started to feel sort of bad for Dwight when he heard people calling him weird.
Of course, that went away when Dwight approached Jim while Jim was on his way to the break room with Angela close behind. “Dwight. Angela,” Jim said, nodding at each of them.
Dwight immediately ripped into Jim. “Jim, I have just received some very disturbing reports on your first day. Angela has told me about some very unorthodox and thus unacceptable teaching methods of yours. Jim, we are dealing here with the youth of America. They are impressionable at this young age, and we cannot have people like you at this school contaminating their minds.”
“Dwight, what are you talking about?”
“As your direct superior, Jim…”
“You are not my superior.”
“It is my job to make sure that you do your job in a satisfactory manner. Since you have behaved recklessly today, despite specific instructions from Ms. Martin about the conduct we expect from our teachers, I will be forced…”
“Forced?”
“…to write a report recommending your termination and I will place said report on the desk of Michael Scott tomorrow morning.”
“Dwight, don’t you think you’re being just a bit extreme?”
“I most certainly do not, Jim. You’ve got to learn. Though your position as teacher gives you authority over students, you are not above the rules.”
“Okay, Dwight. I understand. When you sign this paper, will you sign it as…”
“Assistant Principal.”
“Assistant to the Principal. But that’s not what I was going to say. What I was going to ask is if you were going to include your Olympic title in the report.”
“Olympic title?”
“Yeah, didn’t you check the trophy case today?”
“No…I…”
“There’s some new award that you won this summer in there. It was a great looking picture of you. I just assumed you were going to make some kind of speech today or something.”
“Hmm. Well, I will have to go investigate this award to see if it is legitimate. Then I will decide how to proceed from there. Thank you, Jim, for bringing this to my attention.”
“Just doing my job, Dwight, as you are Assistant to the Principal.”
“Assistant Principal.”
“Mmm…pretty sure that’s not right. Alright, bye, Dwight. Bye, Angela.”
See, this kind of situation was the exact same kind that had gotten Jim in trouble in the past. Dwight’s overbearing and obnoxious nature was just the kind of thing that Jim despised, and now Jim was having an internal battle. He really wanted to take his job seriously, and knew Dwight’s current complaints to Michael couldn’t get him in trouble, though maybe the trophy case thing might, but pulling another prank on Dwight might be too much. Jim felt like he had an angel on one shoulder and a devil on the other. The problem was, the devil was suggesting that Jim slash Dwight’s tires. The angel was suggesting a more "innocent" prank. So, Jim felt he really didn’t have any other option but to bring Dwight down a peg.
“Dammit Jim!” Jim heard Dwight scream from just down the hall. So, Jim felt he really didn’t have any other option but to bring Dwight down a peg. “Dammit Jim!” Jim heard Dwight scream again. Yeah, maybe Dwight had had enough today.
“Halpert,” Dwight sneered as he approached Jim, “your days at this school are numbered. And that number is zero as soon as I include this trophy case malfeasance in my report to Michael.”
“Dwight, obviously I could not have been the one to put that in the case. I don’t have a key to open the case, so how could I get in?” Jim had in fact gotten one of the janitors, Phil, who went to school with Jim's brother to open the case for him. And to give him a copy of the keys (yes, keys) to Dwight’s office. For emergencies only, of course.
“Jim, I know it was you. You were the only one to take a picture of me in my suit.”
“That’s true, Dwight. But again, I don’t have a key to the case, and someone stole my cell phone last week. See, look. New phone,” Jim said as he pulled a cell phone out of his pocket. This was actually his old cell phone which no longer even turned on, but Dwight didn’t need to know that.
“Hmm. Okay, Jim. It seems I may have jumped to conclusions about the trophy case. But I will still be writing up your other misconduct from the last week.”
“Dwight, I would expect no less from you.”
“Thank you, Jim. I’m glad you are able to see that I am merely helping you grow in your career. I wish you luck in your next job, and know that you will be much more successful having learned your lesson.”
“I hope you’re right, Dwight. Good luck.”
It was 5:30. Jim had waited until he saw Dwight pull out of the parking lot before making his way to his office. Yes, Jim had a plan to mess with Dwight. As he walked into the office, he was surprised to see Pam. “Um, hi.”
Pam looked up, startled. “Hi. Oh my gosh, you scared me. What are you doing here?”
“I was going to ask you the same thing, Pam.”
“Um, I just waiting for Roy to finish up practice. They usually finish around six or so.”
“So…you wait here until he gets done?”
“Yeah. It’s not that bad. I have to stay until five anyway, so it’s only an extra hour. I get to make phone calls I have to make and play on the computer and stuff, so it’s not that bad.”
“Cool,” Jim said.
“What are you doing here so late?” Pam asked. “Did you have a good first day?”
“Yeah, my day was good. I think I have good classes and everything, good kids, so, yeah.”
“So…you heading out?”
“Um, yeah, pretty soon, I was just going to, um…” Jim stammered, pointing over his shoulder with his thumb in the direction of Dwight's office.
“Dwight locks his door, and he has three locks, you know?”
Jim grinned. “Yeah, I know. That’s why I got keys to all three locks.”
“You’re kidding! That’s great.”
“Yeah.”
“So, what are you going to do?”
“Actually, I was thinking I would have some fun with his speed dial.”
“Really?”
“Yeah. I thought I might change a few of them around to dial foreign countries.”
“Really? That’s great!” Pam was beaming up at him, and Jim couldn’t help but smile along with her. We just like, click, Jim thought, but then forced those thoughts from his mind.
“Yeah, I’m gonna go in, do you, want to, um, help?”
“Sure,” Pam said sweetly, getting up from behind the counter.
The two of them spent the next half hour programming Dwight’s phone and laughing away.
And they also unscrewed the wheels to his desk chair.
And hid one of his bobbleheads.
All in a day's work, Jim thought as he left the office.
Author's Chapter Notes:
I wanted to say thanks to everyone who has reviewed. I’m kind of excited that it seems some people are reading this.
I'm not really sure about this chapter. I was having trouble writing Jim as the ‘cool' teacher. It’s not an easy thing to write, I don’t think. But I came up with something. I dunno.
Oh, and a minor shout-out to "The Devil and Angel in Pam Beesly" in here, even though I wasn't thinking about it at the time.
I'm not really sure about this chapter. I was having trouble writing Jim as the ‘cool' teacher. It’s not an easy thing to write, I don’t think. But I came up with something. I dunno.
Oh, and a minor shout-out to "The Devil and Angel in Pam Beesly" in here, even though I wasn't thinking about it at the time.
Chapter End Notes:
I know they did the phone prank in a deleted scene from Gay Witch Hunt, but it’s better when it’s done to Dwight, I think. And it seems like a Jim idea.
