October 11, 2005
Jim Halpert had been a teacher for about a month now. And he was tired. Not of his classes and the actual teaching. No, that part was great. What he was tired of was everything else. Michael. Dwight. Angela, who was like, the most demanding department head ever. Even Pam was a source of his exhaustion. Since the first week of school, Jim felt himself growing even closer to her. He had started having lunch with her a couple of times a week, and it was his favorite time of his work day. The two of them had now watched every one of West Scranton’s football victories together, and that was Jim’s favorite time of the whole week. Of course the worst part of the week was when she went down to see Roy at the end of the game. Last Friday, it had been Pam’s birthday and while the two of them were watching the game, Jim gave Pam a cupcake and had her blow out a little candle. The way her face lit up when she saw his surprise, well, it didn’t make her less endearing to him.
Jim made his way to the break room to get some coffee and go back over yesterday’s afternoon in his mind. After the announcements, which had been incredibly inappropriate (no surprise there), Michael wanted to have another faculty meeting to discuss the success of his educational program. Dwight enthusiastically agreed because he wanted to renew his motion to terminate Jim, since it was Jim that gave Dwight the introduction to read for Michael. Jim was in the office during Dwight’s pleas to Michael. As the two of them walked out the door, Pam got his attention.
“So, Jim?”
“Yeah?”
“You have any plans to get back at Dwight?”
“For what?”
“For trying to get you fired. Again.”
“Did you not hear what I had him read to the whole school, Pam? I think that was revenge enough.”
“But wasn’t that for yesterday’s attempt to get you fired?”
“Yeah. And?”
“Nothing. I guess I just didn’t figure you for the type to lie down and take it from the likes of Dwight.”
“Lie down and take it? Is that a challenge, Beesly?”
“And what if it is?”
“If it is, then I accept.”
“Good. Any ideas?”
“I have a couple I’ve been saving up. I guess I’ll just have to rush one of them in to production.”
“Okay, well keep me posted.”
“Wait, you issued this challenge, which means the least you can do is help me execute the plan.”
“Fine,” Pam said, rolling her eyes. But her smile betrayed her. “What kind of prank were you thinking?”
“Wait here.”
Jim walked back to his classroom and went to his desk. From there, he pulled out his electronic accomplice and walked back to the office.
When he got there, he laid it on Pam’s counter and said, “Do you know what this is?”
“Should I?”
“This is the key to embarrassing Dwight in today’s emergency faculty meeting.”
“So what are we going to do with it?”
“We are going to tape it under his chair, and then the magic happens.”
“And what does this thing do?”
“You’ll see.”
Pam watched the door to the meeting room as Jim duct taped the device under the chair where Dwight sat in the meetings. Directly to Michael’s right, since he was ‘Michael’s right hand man.’ Dwight’s words, not Michael’s.
When the meeting began that afternoon, Jim waited patiently for Michael to finish praising himself for his performance, reaping himself with praise such as ‘two thumbs up!’ and ‘best of the season!’ Michael then said, “Apparently, Dwight here has yet another complaint, and these meetings are about letting people express themselves, even Dwight, so I’m going to open the floor to him and hope he falls through it.”
“Thank you, Michael. As you remember, yesterday I recommended that we…”
That was when Jim grabbed the remote in his pocket and pushed the button. The unmistakable sound of a fart came from Dwight’s chair.
“Dwight!” yelled Michael. “That’s gross, man! Save it for the beet farm! Maybe you ought to lay off of those beets if this is what they lead to.”
“Fact: beets do not cause flatulence. And Michael, that was not me,” Dwight said.
“Dwight, first of all, whoever denied it supplied it. Secondly of all, it was definitely you.”
“Michael, as a Schrute, I have a perfect gastrointestinal system, so I never have the need to…”
Jim pushed the button again, and again the sound of an obnoxious fart came from Dwight’s chair.
“Seriously, man! Leave! Leave now! No one wants to deal with that!” Michael screamed.
“Michael…”
“If you don’t leave now, I am going to fire you! Come back when you have your issues taken care of.”
Dwight got up and left.
“Now that the freak show is gone, does anyone else have anything to discuss?” Michael asked.
No one answered, so Michael said, “Okay, meeting adjourned. Get out there and inspire.”
Jim smiled at the memory. Maybe his job wasn’t that bad. He loved teaching after all, and something about being back in this building torturing Dwight, well, it just made him feel like he was where he was supposed to be.
After a good day of classes (Jim was teaching The Catcher in the Rye, which he loved), Jim walked in to the office to say good bye to everyone before he left. Well, there was really just one person he cared about saying good bye to. Plus, since she would be stuck until Roy left, he knew that this was one of the best times to talk to her. “So,” Jim said as he leaned on the Pam’ counter, “good day today?”
“Let’s see,” she said, “I got about fifty calls from parents complaining about what Michael said over the intercom yesterday, which was your idea, by the way…”
“Whoa! Michael saying that stuff was not my idea. I suggested Cyber Security Awareness, not sex ed by the perpetually confused. I wanted to address serious issues. Michael wanted an excuse to hear himself talk about sex. What happened is definitely not my fault.”
“Well, it was your idea that he instruct the students, and you should have realized that he would take it to an inappropriate level, so suck on that, Halpert.”
“Ouch. Well, then, my apologies. Next time, I’ll let Michael come up with his own ideas.”
“Please be sure that you do.” The two were grinning at each other. Jim loved talking to her more than anything in his life right now, which he realized was maybe just a little pathetic since he had only known her for a month.
“Um, Jim, something excited happened to me last week.”
“Really?” Jim was curious.
“Yeah, um, remember how Friday was my birthday?”
“Was it? I think I may have celebrated someone’s birthday on Friday… you sure that was you?”
“Yeah, dork, it was.”
“Ouch. Yeah, I remember.”
“So anyway, after the football game, Roy took me home and we were just watching a movie or whatever, and he said, ‘do you want your present?’ which surprised me because he had already given me a sweater that morning.”
“Was that the new one you wore to work that day?”
“Um…yeah. Good memory. Anyway, I said ‘sure’ and he said ‘okay’ and then he got down on a knee and proposed to me. I’m getting married this summer!”
Jim felt his chest tighten up, and he thought he might be sick. Did it all of sudden get warm in here? He looked down, and for the first time, noticed the ring on her left ring finger. He couldn’t believe he hadn’t noticed that this week. Usually, he noticed everything about her. “Really?” he managed to croak out.
“Yeah, I’m pretty excited. We’ve been together for, um, six years now, and I always wanted to get married, and after I said yes he said ‘this will make you happy?’ and I said ‘yeah.’ I just wasn’t sure if it would happen, ya know? I feel like we’ve been saving money forever, but now we really are going to get married.”
“Um,” Jim still felt sick. “Congratulations.”
“Thanks.”
“Um, wow, yeah, congratulations. Um, I think I need to get going. I’m having dinner with my brother tonight, so…”
“Yeah, sure. I understand. Have fun.”
“Yeah, thanks. See you later.”
“Bye, Jim.”
Jim walked out the door and walked to a spot where Pam wouldn’t be able to see him and leaned against the wall and rubbed his hand over his face. Of course you’re nothing more than a work friend to her, idiot. She’s been with the guy for six years and has known you for like a month. Some days, Jim thought, it would be better to just stay in bed.
Chapter End Notes:
Hope everyone liked the prank in this chapter.
Up next- Jim thinks back on November and December
Up next- Jim thinks back on November and December
