She slipped her sandals off her feet. She was going to do it. She didn't necessarily want Michael's job, she just wanted to do... something. But then came the protest.
"Not you, Pam." Michael said.
"I wanna try it."
She looked at Jim and Karen, quickly looked at her feet, and slowly made the decision. If she didn’t do this, she'd never find the courage to do anything. Even as she watched Dwight kneel in the coals, she felt something inside of her finally push.
She slipped her shoes off for a second time. This time no one was around. She took a few deep breaths, ran the words through her head. Love, hurt, love, hate, courage, happy. Go.
She darted over the embers in swift movements. It surprised her that she didn't even feel the coals. Not one of them. Her adrenaline was through the roof, wanting to scream her feelings out over Lake Scranton. No, she thought. Not when everyone, including him, was sitting just feet away, oblivious to what she had just accomplished. She darted over to the group.
And the words that she had suppressed for so many years finally emerged, in coherent sentences, much to her surprise. "I miss you." OK, that was a surprise.
"We were best friends before you moved to Stamford, and now were not even friends anymore. And I miss you. I miss having fun with you."
His eyes are what stopped her. The courageous wall that she had just collapsed to the ground was now being put back up around her. She felt closed off once again. She felt her feet start to burn and blister. If only she could have stayed courageous, maybe she would never feel pain again.
With her feet cooling off in the water, she thought about all that she had said. I miss you, none of it mattered until I met you, were not even friends anymore. She almost didn’t hear him come up behind her.
“I don’t feel like I’ve come all the way back.” He said.
She didn’t know what to say. She just thought about what she wanted, at the very least.
“Well, I wish you would.”
“Okay.” He said with a meek smile. “You sure your feet are okay?”
“I’m sure they’re fine.” She said, looking him in the eye.
They walked back to where the rest of the group was, gathered their belongings. Jim grabbed his bag and his girlfriend, Pam grabbed her notebook.
On the bus ride back, she sat next to Stanley. He knew nothing of what had happened, and she preferred it that way.
Pam sat up that night with her laptop humming, her fingers poised over the keys. She heard the notification of her email, a new message. She was surprised to see it from Ryan.
“I’ve never heard you talk that much. Are you okay?”
She began to write back, “Yeah, I guess I’ve spent too many years not saying what I feel and the beach was the best place to do it. What are you doing up?”
Suddenly her AIM chimed. “Kelly just called me, so needless to say I needed some intelligent entertainment.”
She laughed. “I hear you. My head is reeling, and my feet are peeling.”
Ryan wrote back, “I thought you were an artist not a poet.”
“I dabble.” She typed.
“Can I ask you something?” He asked.
“OK.” Pam typed back timidly.
“What is it with you and Jim?” he quickly typed, “Is it what I think it is?”
Pam stared at her screen in disbelief. “What do you think it is?”
“He has feelings for you. But what I don’t know is what you feel, you know, since you called off your wedding.” He typed quickly again. “You know the wedding that I helped with the invitations, and wasn’t invited to.”
She laughed a little. “He told me how he felt at the casino thing, I told him I couldn’t, and then he left. After he was gone, I realized I made a mistake. He came back with Karen clinging right onto him, and now I don’t know what to even believe. Work on Monday is going to be fun.”
“I’m sure everything will be fine.” Ryan typed back.
Suddenly Pam became confused, and wanted answers. “Ryan, why are you being so nice? You're never this nice. To anyone, not even Kelly.”
“Because I figure if there is one person Id want to stay in contact with after I get the New York job, it would be the sanest person here.”
“Even after tonight?” she joked.
“Well that’s excusable.” He said. “It’s pretty obvious you have feelings for Jim. No one blames you.”
Author's Chapter Notes:
So even though I have exams soon, (ie Thursday) I will probably be updating frequently, because its just flowing right now. And there WILL be a sequel, or another part of the "series" so to speak coming afterwards.
Spoilers for Beach Games.
Spoilers for Beach Games.
Chapter End Notes:
Reviews are awesome. Thanks to everyone for reviewing!
