“Making sure you didn't forget anything?” Karen said from behind the wheel.
“I thought I would grab my iPod.” He said, reaching into the bag. He looked inside and saw a foreign envelope. He didn't put it there. And he was certain Karen didn’t put it there. He pulled the piece of paper out from the envelope and stared at the handwriting. Pam. Before he even read the first word, he had the urge to get Karen to turn the car around. But he read the first line.
If you're reading this, that means that the messenger bag always draped over your shoulder isn't just for show. You actually keep things in there. I'm sorry I'm writing this right before your interview at Corporate, but there are some things I needed to say before you get the job in New York (because you will.)
Oh, Beesly, you’ve managed to kill me from miles away. Again.
I know I said a lot of things at the beach the other day. That I missed you, and that I miss our friendship. But thats not entirely true. Sure, I miss you. That's obvious. But I also hate you.
Honestly, I hate me right now too.
Because the things that you do to me without you even knowing are what kill me, but also make me feel alive. Your probably thinking you already know this, but you dont, Jim. You dont know that you made me love you all those years ago. Yes, I said years.
Why am I just learning this now?
I just didnt have the courage to change my life to reflect my feelings. You dont know the things that I wish I could scream from the rooftops. You dont know that ever since that night with the charity casino event, you've managed to kill me with your leaving, your coming back and with your girlfriend
You and me both.
. Dont get me wrong, if she makes you happy, thats great,
She doesn’t. She should, because she is great, but she’s no you.
but it kind of just reminds me what could have been. It kills me that my being with Roy killed you. I guess we're all paying for that one, huh?
You have NO idea, Beesly.
But walking over those coals gave me the courage to do whatever I wanted. Your eyes quickly told me that I couldnt. But I dont care. Fancy New Beesly doesnt care what anyone thinks. I did that for me. But Im doing this, sneaking this letter into your messenger bag, mere moments before you and Karen leave, this is only for me. You can take what you will from it. I need to feel the courage I felt walking over those coals again. And only you can bring that make it happen and take it away.
I’ve never wanted anything but to make you happy.
I guess what Im trying to say is that I more than just miss you. When it comes to you, you're more than everything else in my life. You're more than just a best friend, youre more than just a co-worker, and you're more than the guy who told me he loved me. You're everything.
I dont think giving you this letter will change anything. Half of the things I just told you I always wanted you to already know, and that you were planning on getting a job in New York to spite that. I guess what Im trying to say is Good Luck in New York, Jim. Dont forget us when your famous.
Love,
Pam.
PS... I thought you should have my gold medal from the office olympics. It hasnt done me much good lately, so I thought Id give it to someone who could respect it.
Gold metal for a class jerk? I don’t even deserve it.
“Jim?” Karen asked. “Are you all right?”
“Yeah.”
The next day in New York, after the awkwardness that was Jan’s firing, Jim sat in the lobby of Dunder Mifflin New York. Where he definitely should not have been.
“Jim, are you sure you’re okay? You didn’t sleep a wink last night.”
“Actually,” he paused. This wasn’t the best way to do this, but he had to. “Can I talk to you for a second?” He asked, leading her to the stairwell.
“What’s up?”
He took a deep nervous breath. “I got a letter from Pam yesterday.”
“Oh.” Karen’s face had ‘shes a bitch’ written all over her face.
“Yeah, and basically she said what she didn’t say at the beach.” He said, looking in her eyes. All he could see was Pam.
“Wow, she actually held back? What more could she have had to say?”
“Her feelings for me.” He blurted out. “How she really feels.”
“And? What does this have to do with me?”
“Come on Karen.” He sighed. “You know.”
“I can’t believe this.” She said.
“Karen, I never…”
“Yeah, you did.”
Jim thought about it, and decided he didn’t want to fight it. Karen stormed off, leaving Jim to go into his interview with David Wallace, just to turn down the job right away.
On the train back to Scranton, Jim thought about what he was going to do. Calling her was out of the question. It was too obvious. She was probably still at work. He would surprise her there.
***
Pam looked at the clock on the wall. Almost three.
“I think you can go home, Pam. You look exhausted.” Ryan said. “I’ll take over the phones.”
“Would you?” She said taking her purse from her desk drawer. “I have to go grocery shopping, and I want to beat the rush.”
“Okay.”
“Ryan,” she said. “Are you being nice to me just as a big elaborate prank with Dwight?”
“Yes.” He said, not looking at her. “Honestly?” she nodded. “I needed a distraction from Kelly. But, after thinking about it, I think that if you and Jim actually end up together, I will never hear the end of it from Kelly.”
Pam laughed. “Well, it’s a double edged sword. If I get Jim, you suffer. If I don’t get Jim,” and she faded off.
“We all suffer.” Ryan said.
“What?”
“Come on Pam. The whole office is invested in what could be with you two.” He admitted. “Phyllis and Meredith have a pool going on when Jim will dump Karen and ask you out. I think Meredith has today.”
“Really? Who else is in that?”
“Kelly, Toby, even though he doesn’t condone interoffice relations, Dwight,”
“Dwight?” Pam asked, in a whisper, with wide eyes.
“Yeah, I know.” He said. “So, really, we all have money on the fact that you and Jim are meant to get together, get married and have lots of mini Halperts.”
“Don’t get too ahead of yourself, Howard.”
“I’ve got $50 that says he proposes within a year.” Ryan said bluntly.
“I'm going now.” Pam said, grabbing her coat and leaving the Dunder Mifflin office. She got into her car and began to drive to the grocery store and then the comfort of her own home. She had a bottle of Pinot Grigio in her fridge that needed her attention.
***
“I’m so sorry for the inconvenience, David, but it was great seeing you again.” Jim said, shaking his hand.
“No hard feelings. We’ll still be in touch. Especially when Michael screws up.”
Jim just smiled. He grabbed the letter from the bag and darted to the elevator. He checked his watch. Just after 2. He could make it in time, he thought. Karen had said she was going to take a train, so he wouldn’t feel too bad about leaving his dumped ex-girlfriend in New York City. He jumped into his car and paid the ridiculous parking fee.
It was worth it, though. He didn't care, because of what was waiting back home for him.
Author's Chapter Notes:
Sorry for the delay with this one. I got caught up in real life things (I know, blasphemous!) Theres one or two more chapters left in this story, and Im already mapping out its sequel.
Chapter End Notes:
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