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Story Notes:

So I was listening to the NPR radio show, This American Life, and they did an episode where they "spoof" a poem by William Carlos Williams. I couldn't get the idea of doing one myself for The Office out of my head, and this is what I came up with.

As a warning, I've never written fanfic or poetry so I apologize for posing as a writer tonight. I promise it is not likely to happen again. But I do hope someone enjoys this and that it might inspire a real writer or another poser to try it herself, or himself as the case may be.

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.


This is just to say

I put

the white

fluffy one

in the freezer


I know


you loved

her best


Forgive me

I am a man

and a farmer

and I did it because I love you



This is just to say

I drew a picture

of you as a pervert

removed your glasses

disguised you with a mustache


I was impressed

with the likeness

I think I captured your creepiness



Forgive me

you were being an ass

I was bored

and I knew he would appreciate it



This is just to say

I told you I couldn’t do coffee

that I was busy

still moving  

and unpacking


it was a lie

you said ‘I can’t’ twice

I was protecting my heart

and breaking two others


Forgive me

but I wanted you to feel some pain

just a small portion

of what I felt that night



This is just to say

I know I said green is whorish

really I meant red

but actually

I meant Orange



if you could spell “launch”

I could trust you

to do simple tasks


Forgive me

I thought you could work spell check

now I know you can’t

I’ll do it myself next time



This is just to say

I burned the candles that you left

and your bowflex

put my Dundies

on the coffee table


I’ve stopped

washing my hands

after going number one

and two


Forgive me

come back

I like your boobs

a lot



This is just to say

I know

I said I liked you

really I meant

can’t stand


I think

it’s your voice

more likely

your personality


Forgive me

for dumping you

it’s not me

it’s you

Chapter End Notes:

Here is the original:


This Is Just To Say by William Carlos Williams

I have eaten
the plums
that were in
the icebox

and which
you were probably

for breakfast

Forgive me
they were delicious
so sweet
and so cold


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